


Zazzerpan Has Never Lost

by EzzyAlpha



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, Family Drama, Family Feels, Homelessness, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Issues, Minor Character Death, Past Abuse, Past Character Death, Past Child Abuse, Past Parental Neglect, Pseudo-Incest, Slurs, Suicide mention, Unrelated AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-07
Updated: 2015-05-23
Packaged: 2018-02-28 10:57:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 66,501
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2729861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EzzyAlpha/pseuds/EzzyAlpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rose Lalonde used to be a popular author, but she stopped working on her flagship series and released a couple of mediocre novels. Roxy is a runaway teenager living on the streets and pick-pocketing for sustenance. When they meet, Rose is intrigued and offers to let Roxy stay at her manor indefinitely. Roxy accepts the offer just to get off the streets, but starts falling for the moody author. She just can’t shake off the feeling Rose is just using her. </p>
<p>As she becomes more familiar with both Rose and the people around her, Roxy learns things, both about herself and Rose. Not all of them are pleasant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

She’s just under 16 when she sees her for the first time. The woman is short and out of shape, wearing designer jeans and talking on her phone. Her wallet sticks out of her back pocket. An easy target if Roxy ever saw one.

Roxy doesn’t need to watch how loud her steps are or how distracted the woman is. She’s never had to. All her life, she’s used to being invisible. People have passed and will pass her on the streets without so much as a second look. She supposes this is what makes her such a good thief.

One swipe of the hand and she’ll have that fat wallet in her own pocket, carry on, and disappear before the woman even notices anything is amiss. She catches up to the woman. The sidewalk is full and busy; nobody would find a little bump odd. A hand wraps around her wrist before Roxy can even process what’s happening. In a panic, she looks up at the woman. Her eyes are startling purple. The panic bubbling inside Roxy’s chest is enough to make her forget everything she knows. This is the first time she has ever been caught so blatantly in the act. She tugs away and fights against the hand that holds her back, despite the woman’s protests.

It is only when she has broken free and hidden away that she realizes she dropped her backpack in the struggle. She cries for a few hours.

She’s already 16 when she sees her again. The homeless shelter downtown doesn’t kick people out until around 2 pm, so she allowed herself to sleep in. She’s still rubbing the sleep from her eyes when the purple eyed woman walks in through the doors. Roxy is sure that she’s in trouble; she doesn’t know what happens if someone in the shelter finds out she’s been pickpocketing, and she sure as fuck doesn’t want to find out. She’s about ready to bail and skip brunch when the woman looks over at her, and slips Roxy’s backpack off her shoulder. Roxy pauses.

The woman doesn’t look mad, which is enough to calm Roxy somewhat, but she’s still on edge. When she stops in front of her, she kneels down to her level and reaches out the bag.

“Is this yours?”

Roxy’s hand shoots out for the bag, but she grasps at air when the woman pulls it away.

“What’s your name?”

If Roxy could, she would remain silent. In the bag is everything she owns.

“Roxy.”

“Just Roxy?”

“Yeah.”

The woman nods.

“I’m Rose.”

“Are you going to give me back my bag or not?”

Rose pauses for a moment, then opens the bag. Everything seems to be in place. Thick tomes on coding and sciences, volumes of stories mostly featuring wizards, along with notebooks that are nigh full with everything from test codes she doesn’t even know work to fanfic. Some books she had to steal. Others she had to save for.

“Your handwriting is nice.”

Roxy’s brows furrow.

“You went through my stuff?”

“I was trying to find an address. I got sidetracked.” Rose motions towards the stack of books “You’re very talented.”

“Look, what do you want? Just gimme the bag back.”

Rose pauses, then hands it over. Roxy takes it and clutches it to her chest, finally breaking eye contact.

“Here.” Rose’s voice is between insisting and gentle, or at least as gentle as it gets. Her voice is deep and just a tad scratchy, like someone who rambles at length to the point where they lose their voice. After a moment of thought, Roxy looks up. The woman is holding out a stack of bills, mostly ones and fives. Roxy frowns again.

“I don’t need your money.”

“Which is why you were trying to steal my wallet?”

Roxy pauses.

“How did you know?”

“Hm?”

“How did you know I was there. When I was trying to...”

“I just knew. Take the money. Buy some food.”

It is with great reluctance that Roxy takes the wad of cash and shoves it in her bag. Rose smiles. Roxy can’t help but think she’s kind of pretty, despite the dark bags under her eyes and the messy way she’s dressed.

Rose leaves without asking for a thank you. Roxy skips the shelter food, buys herself a pizza and convinces someone to get her a bottle of vodka. When she returns to the shelter at night, there is a new, bigger  but discreet bag with her name on it. It’s full of books and enough money to last her a while. Roxy wants to protest against the unasked-for generosity, but the woman is nowhere to be found. The money is spent on junk food and booze. The books are poured over, highlighted and scribbled on. She fills two blank notebooks in two months.

When the woman shows up again, she’s wearing the exact same clothes. This time, they don’t meet at the shelter, but at the park. Roxy is writing away, some incredibly meta story about a homeless teenager and a strange witch who is totally not at all meant to be an expy of someone in a shitty hoodie and designer jeans.

She’s just in the middle of an emotionally charged scene. The young thief is by themself, having just hit rock bottom. It’s all very powerful. Woe is the poor child, abandoned by parents and friends alike and left to rot on the streets, turning to alcohol to fill the hole in their soul. Just when they decide there’s no way out and they might as well give up, the strange witchy woman shows up again.

“Hey.”

Roxy nearly jumps a foot in the air and flings her notebook into the lake. Miraculously, she manages to hang on both to her writing and her socks, only turning to stare sharply at Rose, who simply waves as if this was the most natural thing to have ever occurred.

“Hey?” Roxy mutters, unbelieving. The woman dumps hundreds of dollars on the lap of a homeless teenager who tried to steal her wallet, disappears for months, then comes back looking as if she just hopped here from the same day she first met her.

“May I sit here?”

“No.”

The woman’s eyebrows raise, but she doesn’t move. Roxy is slightly unnerved, but says nothing, until she gets tired of staring at the unkempt older woman.

“Why?”

“You're very talented.”

“So you’ve said. You must have a lot of dough to waste if you’re just throwing it away.”

“Something like that. Although, I wouldn’t say I’m throwing it away. It’s more like an investment of sorts.”

“Why me?”

Rose rolls her shoulders. She’s almost pouting, staring at the bench Roxy is in. There’s still enough space for her to sit, besides Roxy’s brand new backpack that is total irrefutable proof that Roxy is actually using the “gift”. Roxy rolls her eyes.

“Fine. You can sit.”

“Thank you.” Rose sits down, perfectly pleased with herself. “As for the question, well… it’s a long and complicated story.”

Roxy’s eyebrows lower as she stares at the woman “I don’t know if you’re aware, but I don’t have anywhere to go.”

Rose smiles again. Once again, Roxy has to admit there’s something about her that’s rather attractive.

“Well, when you left your backpack behind, I had to check it out. First of all, I was curious. Secondly, it would be rather crass of me to just throw something like that in the trash. Of course, I didn’t find any sort of identification. I did, however, find something scrawled on the first pages of a notebook; locations and opening hours. Through a little sleuthing, I realized that those had to be for homeless shelters. Of course, while I wanted to return the backpack to its legitimate owner, I was still curious, especially considering there was such an odd collection of books in there, and...”

Roxy wonders if the woman is in love with the sound of her own voice. Roxy doesn’t need that much detail. No one needs that much detail. Who even talks like that? God, what a dweeb.

“...eventually, I had finished perusing your notebooks, and turned to take a closer look at the rest of it. The small stack of paperbacks instantly caught my attention. Namely because I’m intimately familiar with them.”

Rose smiles like a fox, all sharp angles and secret keeping.

“Let me introduce myself again. Rose Lalonde. Author of the Complacency of the Learned series.”

There is a pause. Rose is surely thinking that Roxy is in shock.

“Cryptkeeper sucked.”

Rose doesn’t even look shocked. For once, she doesn’t remain stoic nor smiles. She simply lets her head hang in resignation.

“I know. Not my best work.”

“When is Tomb of Calmasis coming out?”

“I don’t know.”

There is a long pause.

“Aren’t you even a little surprised?”

“We’re in New York. I saw Woody Allen three times last month.”

“Right.”

“So, you only care about me because you thought I was a fangirl.”

“No. I care about you because you’re very talented. You could be a very good writer.”

“Don’t wanna.”

“Programmer?”

“Eh.”

“Scientist of some sort.”

“Of some sort?”

“Chemist?”

“Tell me, were you the sort of person to fail math in high school?”

“...Maybe.”

Roxy goes silent while Rose watches her. For a moment, they sit there. Roxy is watching the lake while Rose is watching Roxy.

“I have a proposition for you.” Rose’s voice is low, rumbling a bit more than usual.

“Yeah?”

“Would you like to come home with me?”

Roxy looks back at her. Rose’s face is neutral, but earnest.

“Yeah, I’m sorry to inform you I’m 16 and the legal age of consent in New York is still 17. You’re a little old for me anyway.”

Rose’s eyebrows lower, the sincere conviction in her eyes fading away into exasperation. “I meant like moving in with me. I have a fuck-huge mansion full of rooms I don’t use and enough money to feed a small village.”

“Maybe you should, I dunno, actually feed a small village.”

“I’ve tried. Too much red tape and bureaucracy. Plus. it’s nigh impossible to know what charities are a scam, what charities are not, and what charities are just plain evil.”

Roxy leans back against the bench. The sun is going to set soon and Roxy is most likely going to miss the check in hour at the nearest shelter.

“No.”

Rose slouches forward. She looks neither resigned, nor upset, nor anything really.

“I understand. Do you mind if I give you a little more money? I would feel bad if I didn’t.”

“...Yeah, sure.”

Rose fiddles inside her pocket for a moment, before retrieving another wad of bills. She places it on Roxy’s hand. Atop it is a business card with a phone number scrawled on it, and some change.

“In case you change your mind.” Rose says “Find a payphone or something.”

Roxy’s eyebrows furrow. Did a woman in her thirties at the most really just tell her to find a payphone.

“Yeah, I’ll… Keep that in mind.”

Rose smiles one more time. There’s something about that smile that pulls at Roxy’s heartstrings, but unsettles her at the same time. Rose, Roxy assumes, is not the smiling type.

The woman leaves without another word.

Roxy lasts two months before running out of money. She calls Rose.

On a discardable cell phone like a reasonable person.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Is the decor not to your liking?"
> 
> Roxy jumps nearly a foot in the air. She didn't even realize that Rose had snuck up on her. Rose is doing to her what Roxy does to other people, and she doesn't like it one bit, no siree. Roxy turns back with her best glare. Rose is smiling. That smile has quickly become the most insufferable thing in Roxy's life.
> 
> "You could have told me you lived out here. I was honestly wondering if you had gotten lost but were just too proud to say so."
> 
> "What can I say, I like the element of surprise."
> 
> For someone who likes surprises, Rose certainly doesn't seem surprised that Roxy buckled and called her. She just seems expectant and happy. Like she has been planning this for months. Like she knows everything. It's unnerving.

Roxy had once been a big Rose Lalonde fangirl. Like, posters on every wall fangirl. She had every book in the Complacency series, all four of them in hardcover. She kept clippings of magazine interviews with the author, although she could find the same information in 5 minutes on the internet. Roxy was absolutely charmed. A dark, mysterious woman, who wrote about magic and dark gods, never seen without a pound of makeup and dramatic gothic dresses. Then, she stopped doing interviews. The yearly Complacency series was put on hold, just after Volume 4 ended in a cliffhanger where the main character died in a fiery explosion. Several things happened that year. Rose Lalonde released two novels. Both sucked. Several movies were released, including one by a little known indie director that soon blew up in success. And, more importantly, Roxy finally ran away from home, after one broken arm too many.

For a while, escapism was less important than survival. Roxy had to learn how to live alone, with no ceiling over her head. It could have been worse. Roxy had always been invisible to others. Sure, maybe she didn't get as much money from begging as some. But she had never been caught by the police, or cornered in a dark alley by someone with unsavory intent. She had heard things on the street. Eventually, she had learned the art of snatching up a wallet. Learned all the best spots to sleep. Became an expert at lying and scamming. Then, she could finally entertain herself. She started with coding manuals and theoretical science books, to keep her brain sharp. Then, she finally moved on to paperbacks. Rose Lalonde was a natural choice. Of course, her latest two had sucked. And even the Complacency series ended up reminded Roxy of times spent huddled under a blanket trying to block out the sounds of her parents arguing.

Roxy doesn't like to complain about her parents. She is of the opinion that sitting on your ass and moping did no one any good. Besides, she doesn't want to think about the life she voluntarily left. Smalltown NY, terrible people, terrible school, etc, etc. Always ignored, always invisible. Very sad. Anyway.

Moving to New York city isn't the worst decision she's ever made, which is a testament to her decision making skills. Being homeless is still far better than that homecoming dress. Although, she supposes she can't be called homeless anymore.

The house is beautiful. That much is obvious to Roxy, even if she doesn’t know anything about architecture. The sounds of the river rushing underneath it must be so calming to hear. The sharp angles of the house are in contrast to the rough woods that surround it, like an oasis of order midst chaos. Roxy finds herself wondering about what kind of person would build a house like this, so secluded from society. The tower (observatory, perhaps?) cuts up into the sky, the first thing that can be seen between the trees as someone drives towards the place.

Roxy eyes the manor with furrowed brows and arms crossed over her chest. To her own defense, she didn't know Rose lived in the middle of the woods. That single fact made her way creepier. Like, millionaire who adopts a stray runaway kid and lives in a lavish apartment in New York city? Heartfelt family comedy. Millionaire who lures a stray runaway kid to her creepy, huge, empty mansion in the Adirondacks? Total horror movie fare. Roxy was dead. Dead, she tells you. She would be hanging on a hook by sundown. Rose would probably make a snappy pun because she's the charming yet mortal killer. Roxy's liver would be eaten with fava beans and a nice chianti. Have fun with that vodka marinated gut meat, bitch.

"Is the decor not to your liking?"

Roxy jumps nearly a foot in the air. She didn't even realize that Rose had snuck up on her. Rose is doing to her what Roxy does to other people, and she doesn't like it one bit, no siree. Roxy turns back with her best glare. Rose is smiling. That smile has quickly become the most insufferable thing in Roxy's life.

"You could have told me you lived out here. I was honestly wondering if you had gotten lost but were just too proud to say so."

"What can I say, I like the element of surprise."

For someone who likes surprises, Rose certainly doesn't seem surprised that Roxy buckled and called her. She just seems expectant and happy. Like she has been planning this for months. Like she knows everything. It's unnerving.

Roxy rolls her eyes and steps up to the front door, waiting for Rose to open the door. Rose seems to be thinking of something. Her eyes are set on one of the second story windows, but unfocused. For a moment, Rose is the woman on the inside of the back cover. Deep, mysterious, like she knows all there is to know. Like she eats men lesser than her for breakfast with a glass of wine. Like some ungodly image of a woman, hidden away in the depths of a gothic manor, her only company the shadowy creatures that inhabit it. But those shadowy creatures are just as captivated by her as any sane human would be.

Roxy thinks the insane are the lucky ones in this scenario. When Rose comes back to earth, she looks as annoying as ever. At least, this is what Roxy tells herself, to smother down the spark of devoted fangirl that flickers in her stomach as if it never left. Rose unlocks the door.

Roxy steps inside, and she takes a good hard look. It's not what she's expecting. The whole place is surprisingly sterile. In fact, it looks like there were things taken down from the walls. Just faintly, Roxy can see outlines of picture frames on the paint. Roxy wonders if the previous owner was a smoker. Besides the bare walls, there's a long, L-shaped black couch, a dusty television, and some bookshelves.

There's a door, beside the stairs, that's open.The room is small, with a desk, all outfitted for writing work, with a laptop and notebooks, along with various writing implements. The desk is the only things on the bottom level of the house that's messy. There's papers and dirty mugs everywhere. There is also a bar counter, but no alcohol bottles Roxy can see. On the other side of the stairs is the kitchen, also bare and clean. Roxy wonders if Rose can even cook. She doesn't look like a person who can cook. She looks like a person who sets fire to cereal.

"Your room is upstairs. Shall I escort you?"

"No, thanks."

Roxy darts off before Rose can get a word of protest in. Upstairs is just as barren as downstairs. There's more frame outlines. Roxy sneaks around as if she's a secret agent inspecting the house of a target. She jiggles one doorknob, but it's locked. Roxy assumes it's Rose's room. But what secrets could she possibly hide? Ah, but of course. The bodies of dead runaway teenage girls. Roxy steps away from Bluebeard's resting chamber.

The next door she tests leads outside, much to her confusion. She decides to set that aside for another time. At the opposite end of the hall, there's an open door, leading to the bathroom. Thus, common sense dictates, the sole remaining door is the fabled Room Upstairs.

It is. Or, at least, it seems to be. It's certainly a room. There's a bed. Roxy can assume she's not going to sleep in the basement. Roxy walks around it, taking note of the details. It's certainly a room.

There's a cabinet with a violin on top. The violin is good but dusty. There's a long emptied bookshelf, and a long emptied desk. There's tape holding up little pieces of ripped paper on the walls. But the bed is freshly made. The wood seems less worn out than everything else in the room. Roxy jumps on it to peer out the window. It's a nice view. Not particularly noteworthy, but nice nonetheless. Roxy wonders about the house. How long has Rose lived here? Did she move into a big fucking modern house in the woods as soon as she got the money to do so? It's weird to think that the woman who wears designer jeans with a ratty hoodie and leaves dirty mugs all over her work space would live in such a place.

No, Book Rose would be at home in a big, old gothic manor, with bats and tombstones peppering the overgrown lawn. Actual Rose seems more like a fit for a New York studio apartment, take out containers all over the floor, nothing but a coffee machine in the kitchen, and a room where you can't see the floor due to clothes. Actual Rose would be the sort to lay in bed, only in her underwear, smirking at however walking through the door even though they were interrupting her writing, but she was due for a break anyway and-

Roxy's thoughts screech to a halt. That took a turn for the very, very bad.

Rose's voice reaches her from downstairs and Roxy just presses her face to the wall, trying to will all that blushing away. Eventually, she returns to her senses just enough that she can drag herself downstairs. "What."

Rose is on the couch with a laptop. She's wearing glasses. Roxy suddenly feels the urge to go back upstairs and throw herself off the hallway balcony. Rose flicks her eyes up to look at her. "I assume you're settling down just fine without me, but how about you take a seat so we can have a conversation."

"No, thanks." Roxy turns around.

"Roxy. Sit down."

Roxy sighs. If Rose kicked her out, she would probably become a cougar’s evening meal. Wait, aren't cougars technically extinct on the east coast? Considering Roxy's luck, she's probably going to be eaten by the only east coast cougar still in existence. She slinks back to the couch and plops down as far from Rose as she can. Rose is taking up most of the short end of the L shaped couch. Roxy sits so far away half her butt is hanging off the couch.

"Are you going to give me strict instructions for living here? Your room is locked so it's not like I'm going to run into your cache of weird German porn."

"The rules are simple. Don't do anything you wouldn't do in your own house."

"Because I can consider this my house now?"

"Basically. And don't touch my laptop. It has a password anyway, but just to make sure."

"Is that where you keep your German porn?"

"What makes you think my porn is German? I tend to prefer Japanese, quite honestly."

"...Ew."

Rose sighs. It's not all that noticeable.

"I wanted to talk to you about who you are."

"What, you're not going to snoop through my belongings to find out?"

"How long have you been on the streets?"

Roxy is taken aback. She blinks. Thinks on her words before spitting them out. Her mouth opens. Closes.

"Around two years. Early 2011."

"Where are your parents?"

"Don't want to talk about it."

"Alive, at least?"

"...Yes."

"That complicates matters."

"Yeah?"

"It means I can't legally adopt you."

Roxy slumps against the couch. She doesn't bother glaring over at Rose.

"Too bad."

"Why did you leave?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about it." Despite her best efforts, her voice cracks, along with her carefully built image of a capable street rat.

"Okay. Has anyone ever told you, you're a very good writer?"

"No."

Rose nods. She sets the laptop down on the couch and slides it over to Roxy. It makes it about halfway over the couch. "Here."

"What, you're showing me your porn so I'm traumatized from the get go." Roxy doesn't bother looking up at her, just sets her gaze on the shiny white outside of the laptop.

"It's yours."

Roxy still doesn't look up.

"It's new. I bought it to replace my old one, but I didn't like the keyboard. That sounds better than if I went out and bought it specifically for you, doesn't it, even though I could buy ten of these without making a dent in my bank account."

Roxy doesn't even move.

"I want you to write."

Hands clench at her skirt. It's tattered and dirty and probably rubbing off on the pristine black couch.

"What if I don't want to?"

"Of course you want to." Rose is still settled quite comfortably against the couch, as if she doesn't even see the girl in front of her, who's internally self destructing out of sheer terrified anxiety. Maybe she doesn't. People can be so dense that they can't even see a bomb go off right in front of them. "You're a writer. Writers write. Usually, they write so much they don't sleep for hours just so they can chase the last whisper of a plot bunny that's tumbling ever further down a hole. Those are the lucky ones. Perhaps you're more of the type that stays up all night, desperately wishing they could write, but whenever they start, a heavy fog brews in their mind, and they instantly forget all they know."

The corners of her lips pull upwards. It's cruel and Roxy refuses to call it a smile.

"Either way, I've read your writing. You obviously need to write."

Roxy doesn't respond. She doesn't move, until she inhales a breath. It feels thick like smoke spiraling down her throat. Roxy notices a cigarette tray on the bookshelf by the window. Her eyes are darting over everything but Rose. She hates smokers. Her fingers are drumming against her legs and Roxy wonders how she even agreed to come here, because it's like no matter where she goes, the world finds a way to fuck her over and-

"I'd be willing to help you. You're obviously a source of untapped potential."

Roxy's thoughts pause long enough for her to finally look up at Rose. She doesn't look all that affected and Roxy has to swallow back bile.

"I guess that's cool." Roxy shrugs. "I gotta pee."

She gets up and heads upstairs.

The bathroom door locks nicely. Not too smooth, not too hard, door doesn't even budge when pushed. And it's a thick door, good wood, mahogany maybe. Do people make doors out of mahogany?

Roxy leans against the sink and breathes in air like she's drowning.

She collapses, bony elbows hitting the porcelain. She doesn't want to look at herself in the mirror. It doesn't take long for the water works. Tears stream down her face in a constant trickle and her chest burns with each breath. For a moment, she wishes herself dead, just so she doesn't have to go through this again.

No, moving to New York wasn't the worst decision she's ever made. This, however? This is shaping up to be a very bad idea.

It takes her at least half an hour to leave the bathroom. She's still shaky. Rose is nowhere to be found and the office door is closed. The laptop has been placed on the bed that was implicitly assigned to Roxy. Roxy locks the door to the room, then props the desk chair against it for good measure.

The ceiling is just as bare as the rest of the house, lacking even the tape of the room's walls. The bed is comfy but feels well loved. There's a dip in the mattress. The room isn't cold, even with the snow piling outside. Roxy wonders how Rose's Christmas was. Does she even celebrate Christmas? Maybe she's Jewish or something. Maybe she's one of those people who don't celebrate Christmas. Maybe she's more like Christmas Lite, presents and lots of food and absolutely no meaning whatsoever. Roxy wonders what Rose would do if started to poke her about her family. Yeah, how do you like that huh? Where are YOUR parents?

Rose probably wouldn't mind. Most people come from normal families, don't they?

Roxy pushes the laptop off the bed. She doesn't care if it breaks. She rolls on her side and tries very hard to will herself to sleep. Eventually, she succeeds.

 

 


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Of course, if you do choose to come with me, you can take your new laptop. I have a mobile internet stick you can use, and the battery will easily last 10 hours. Plus, you can pick up some games or something. Does that sound agreeable?”
> 
> Roxy looks up at Rose and narrows her eyes.
> 
> “Are you trying to be hip with me?”
> 
> “Hm?”
> 
> “What, were your thought processes like, ‘kids these days like videogames right’?”
> 
> Rose pauses.
> 
> “I’m 28. I was born in 1985. This might come as a shock to you since you seem to have assumed my technological knowledge is on par with your average granny, but I like videogames.”

“I’m going to New York City today. I got a rather urgent call from an acquaintance. I thought you would like to come with me, despite the six-to-seven hour drive. I’ll give you some money to buy new clothes as well, since you obviously can’t carry on much longer with the most oversized hoodies in my arsenal and short shorts.”

Roxy pokes at her cold cereal. Okay, so maybe setting fire to cereal was an overstatement.

“Or, perhaps you’d prefer to stay around? You could make a list and I’ll pick some things up for you. Though, I have to say, our fashion senses might clash, but I promise I’ll stay clear of Hot Topic. Unless you like Hot Topic. That’s cool too. They have interesting shirts.”

There was a large difference between sleeping on the ground or on a shelter bed, and sleeping on a bed bed. It was weird, and kind of hard on her back after so long. Roxy had never thought she would dislike sleeping in a real bed, but she supposes that’s to be expected. People with back problems sleep on the floor right? Maybe bed beds do suck.

“Of course, if you do choose to come with me, you can take your new laptop. I have a mobile internet stick you can use, and the battery will easily last 10 hours. Plus, you can pick up some games or something. Does that sound agreeable?”

Roxy looks up at Rose and narrows her eyes.

“Are you trying to be hip with me?”

“Hm?”

“What, were your thought processes like, ‘kids these days like videogames right’?”

Rose pauses.

“I’m 28. I was born in 1985. This might come as a shock to you since you seem to have assumed my technological knowledge is on par with your average granny, but I like videogames.”

Roxy shrugs and returns to her bowl of cereal, fishing out the marshmallows. After a moment, she looks back at Rose.

“I thought you were in your thirties.”

“Thanks. I appreciate that. I’ll try not to break my hip while out and about, I don’t want to worry you after all.”

“No, like-”

“You know, back in my day, we didn’t have laptops with a ten day battery life, I had to listen to the radio and slowly lose my mind on the long ride through the woods-”

“-Your interviews.”

Rose's cheeks barely tint pink. She clears her throat.

"Ah, yes, that."

"Come to think of it, you don't really look anything like any pictures I've ever seen. I thought it was just like, a matter of clothes and makeup, but you're kinda shorter too... Did you gain weight?"

"Anyway." Rose gets up and carries her empty bowl to the dishwasher. "I'm leaving in ten minutes. Sorry for not giving you more time to think on it, but it's a rather urgent matter. I left a loose t-shirt and a skirt for you in the bathroom. The skirt might be a little too large on you, but I'll lend you a belt as well."

She leaves before Roxy can put another word in. Although she feels a little bad for bringing up something Rose seems to be sensitive to, she pushes it down. Rose obviously doesn’t care if she brought up things Roxy was sensitive to.

Roxy has just been in the house for a couple of days, but she is already getting bored. The whole place is barren and sterile, with nothing to explore. Rose's bedroom is off limits, and Roxy doesn’t think she would appreciate her sneaking around her office either.

Even the air of mystery surrounding the basement was quickly lifted; it houses nothing but a washer and a dryer. There is something pleasing about the fact that Rose does her own chores, but given she lives in the middle of the woods, Roxy has to admit it only made sense.

Although the house is set in a pretty big, boundless property (Rose had mentioned owning the land up to the end of the cemented road) it’s still February. Roxy has never seen that much snow pile up in one place. She doesn’t even own a proper winter coat.

She figures it would be worth a shot to go back to New York for a day. Rose would be off doing whatever it was Rose did when she wasn't being a jackass with a savior complex, and Roxy would have some cash on hand to go shopping. Even with spending over 12 hours in a car, it didn't sound like the worst thing ever.

Roxy left her bowl in the washer and darted upstairs. The clothes Rose had left were not terrible and that was the best thing Roxy could say about it. Rose's fashion tastes seem to be bland at best, regrettable at worst, with the occasional thing shining through. All of it was either expensive, designer brands, or dirt cheap and falling apart out of age. There is no inbetween. Does Rose even buy her own clothes, or does she have someone else do it?

Nevertheless, Roxy gets dressed. It doesn't fit her well, but it's better than nothing. Plus, they look pretty pricey. Roxy could probably walk into one of those fancy stores without anyone giving her a second look. She does a little twirl in front of the mirror, then another. Finally, she's content enough with how she looks to skip out the bathroom and back downstairs, only to freeze in place as Rose steps out of her room. Rose seems as surprised as she does. She doesn't close the door, and Roxy can see a sliver of the inside. There's clothes all over the floor and it's dark, to the point where Roxy wonders how Rose can even see. The older woman clears her throat and finally steps forward, pulling the door close as she does. It locks with a click. Roxy finds herself wondering what she has to hide.

"You look good." Rose has a faint smile playing on her lips, and Roxy can't help but blush. That woman does terrible things to her and she's not even aware of it. "Have you decided you want to come with me after all?"

Roxy shrugs and turns around to head for the stairs. "It's not like I have anything better to do. And maybe I'm being lured by the promises of video games."

"So I was right."

"Yes, but you shouldn't assume things anyway."

She turns her head back just to stick her tongue out at Rose, then darts back to the living room. The laptop, her laptop, is on the couch. Roxy has been trying to get herself reacquainted with unlimited internet. And emulators. Many emulators. Playing Chrono Trigger for 12 hours doesn't seem so bad. She was going to do that anyway.

Roxy ends up slumped all over the couch, laptop on her chest, staring slack jawed at the screen. She doesn't even notice that Rose has taken way longer than 10 minutes, until she walks back downstairs. From her spot on the couch, Roxy can see her, but Rose can't see Roxy. Rose has an odd look on her face. Somewhere between a frown and panic. It's not something Roxy has seen on her before.

Eh.

None of her business. Probably fancy rich person thing. Maybe her stocks went down.

"Roxy, come on, we're gonna be late." Rose's face relaxes back into almost stoicism, barely a hint of exhaustion in it, but Roxy supposes that is expected. She always seems kind of sleepless. Last night, Roxy heard her pace around the lower story all into the AMs. When Roxy was woken up, breakfast was already on the table. She has to wonder how much the woman actually slept.

Well, that was enough suspense. Roxy sits up with a grin. "Hiya."

Rose smirks. She doesn't seem very affected. No, there was no way Rose could know she was there, come on. Is she just completely startle proof?

"Well, come on now. I can't be late."

The ride over to NYC is predictable enough. Roxy squeezes herself into lying on the back seat. The inside handle digs into her shoulders and her long legs are all over the place. Rose says nothing. It's not like she'd mind paying the ticket.

Roxy is awakened by Rose opening the door. Her head falls back and she groans a little, eyes squeezing tighter as the sun hits them. "We're here."

Roxy doesn't even remember falling asleep. The laptop seems to have slipped to the floor. The background music keeps playing. Roxy rolls over and snaps it shut, then crawls out of the car. She looks around blearily. Yup, sure looks like New York. She looks back at Rose through narrowed eyes. Her gaze falls down until it sets on what Rose is holding in front of her.

"Wha's'dat?"

"Credit card."

"Huh."

"Code is 2413. Just try not to rack up too much of a bill. Contrary to what you might think, I don't have unlimited funds."

Roxy blinks and stands still. Rose pushes the card towards her.

"Come on. It's not a trap."

"Yeah." Roxy takes the card and reaches to rub her eyes "I know."

Rose has that stupid smirk on her face again. It's enough to make Roxy feel more alert.

"Anyway." Rose takes out her cellphone, brows furrowing "I'll meet you here at 6 pm. You got 4 hours to do whatever you want to do."

"What, you're not going to give me change for a payphone again."

Rose pauses, rubbing her chin. "Buy a cellphone. I'll still have to hook you up with a plan and such, but it might be necessary for the near future."

Roxy nods. "Anything else? Cereal, bread, ink for your feather pen?"

"Thank you, but I have enough ink to last me until the next moon. Just buy whatever you want. I mean that."

"Yeah. Yeah, alright."

Roxy still stands in place long after Rose has gone off to do her Rose things. She stares down at the credit card, a knot in her stomach. Out of all things, she's eerily reminded of that time Calmasis sold their soul and obtained the Wand of the Absolute. Too much power, too fast. It's a compelling read, even years after she read it for the first time. Something Rose wrote and something Rose does.

There is probably something very profound to be said about the situation. But Roxy just feels tired. Time to go buy stuff, she guesses.

Nobody bats an eye when she strolls into even the most high end stuff. Roxy has to admit there is something good about designer brands after all. She's invisible, but invisible in a way she has never been before. She's invisible because she fits in. Although, she's not sure this is the sort of crowd she wants to fit in with. All judgements aside, this isn't her sort of crowd.

Still, she's a woman on a mission, a mission to spend as much of Rose's money as possible in three hours, just to see what she can do. Though, hesitant at first, it doesn't take long to get into the rhythm of things. By the time she can consider herself done, she has so many bags it's starting to become hard to walk. They're filled with everything from games to clothes to assorted cat related things that she has absolutely no use for, but they're cute, goddammit.

Still no designer clothes though, at least nothing overly pricey looking. There was something about the sheer concept that just rubbed her the wrong way. Her favorite buy of the day, at least in the clothing section, is a dark blue hoodie with a design on the front. Just the most ridiculously comfortable thing ever. She slipped it on as soon as she left the store, along with a winter coat with a white furred hood. She looks cute and she's warm. All she needs really.

Well, not all she needs. What she really needs, right now, is some coffee. Not just coffee, fancy expensive coffeeshop coffee that's more sugar and cream than any sort of brewed drink. And a muffin. That would be perfect. Roxy thinks she still has time. It isn't even dark yet. Coffee it is.

It takes her less than five minutes to find a coffee place. It's crowded. Certainly looks like a popular spot. That means it's good, right? She asks for the most easily comprehensible thing on the menu, and a muffin. It's a bit of a struggle to carry her bags and her order, but she manages to do fine, until someone bumps into her. Caramel and whipped cream splash onto her brand new hoodie. Roxy lets out a resigned sigh. Well, something had to go wrong, didn't it?

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" Roxy looks up, eyebrows raising. The girl that bumped into her didn't run off and pretend nothing happened, which is surprising enough by itself. With the shop this full, Roxy is surprised she even noticed. "I'm so sorry, I didn't even see you there!”"

"Yeah, I'm used to it."

"Oh no, I hope that doesn't stain, here, can I..." The girl grabs a bunch of napkins off the nearest counter and starts patting at the spillage. Roxy flinches and she stops, eyes widening.

"Er." What exactly are you supposed to say in a situation like this? Something like it's alright?

"Wow, that is not okay, is it?" she pushes the napkins towards Roxy, looking apologetic "I'm terrible, terribly sorry, I wasn't paying attention at all. That's uh, a very nice hoodie! ...That I spilled cream all over. Oh, geez, can I buy you another coffee at least?"

Roxy has busied herself with wiping the cream off. It doesn't seem like it will stain. Cream doesn't stain right? "It's fine. Really. I have to-"

"Please, I insist."

"It's okay, I bought a size too big anyway."

"Is there anything I could do to help?"

"No, it's okay, really."

"I just feel terrible about all of this."

They look at each other, silently.

"It's been a while since I've been outside." The girl makes a face. Roxy takes a moment to look her over. She’s quite shorter than her, with a short black bob and red glasses. Her clothes are conservative, but nice. "My dad's a little, uh, strict. I might be slightly out of touch with people."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." she looks back at her with a small smile "I'm Jane. I'm sorry for all the trouble."

"Roxy." she forces on a big smile, unsure of how to act. "Trust me, it's no big deal."

"Would you like to sit down with me and have a chat, of sorts? You don't have to, of course. I just don't have anything else to do for the afternoon."

Roxy hesitates. She's supposed to meet Rose in a bit, but the opportunity to spend time with someone who looks about her age is too tempting... She can always tell Rose she lost track of time, right? It's her own fault for not giving her a watch of some sort.

"Sure. I need to sit down anyway, my arms are killing me." She lifts the massive cluster of bags with a grin.

Jane isn't overly interesting. She's a rich kid with an overbearing parent. The normalcy of it is actually quite comforting, and Roxy finds herself ridiculously endeared. Sure, Jane isn't a war veteran missing an arm and living on the streets after trying to make it as a old school clock repairman, or anything of the sort. She's just a perfectly nice, normal, rich enough to be slightly disconnected, teenage girl. She's not interesting or complicated, but she's nice to hang out with. Roxy finds herself grinning more and even laughing.

In fact, she's so content with this turn of events she doesn't even notice the sun setting.

"Oh no, I should get getting going." Jane frowns at her phone, brows furrowing "My dad will kill me if I don't get home before 8."

"Yeah?" Roxy is on her third frilly coffee drink and fifth muffin. No regrets. "What time is it anyway?"

"Quarter to seven."

"Hm. Quarter to seven." Roxy pauses for a moment, thinking. Her eyes widen. She shoots up, shoving the rest of her muffin in her mouth and washing it down with the coffee. "Shit, shit, shitshitshit."

"Roxy?!"

"Late! I'm late!" She grabs her bags as fast as she can, ready to dash out the front door.

"Wait!" Jane stands up "At least give me your number or something?"

"Huh?" Roxy stares at her, confused. Jane fidgets in place.

"I mean, you don't have to if you don't want to. But you're pretty good company."

"Oh." Roxy pauses "I, uh. I'm in the middle of switching phone numbers. Long story."

"Oh. Do you have a pesterchum?"

Roxy pauses for a moment "Yeah."

"My handle is gutsyGumshoe, alright? Don't forget it."

"I won't." Roxy smiles, giving Jane her best reassuring look. There's a pause. Roxy thinks this might be a moment.

"Weren't you late?"

"Oh, SHITSHITSHIT." Roxy dashes out of the coffee shop, dragging her bags behind her. It takes her a while still to get to the place where Rose had parked. Rose is leaning against the car when she gets there, but she doesn't notice her, not right away. She seems pissed. Roxy freezes in place. She's way late and she bought everything she could see. Rose finally looks up. Roxy takes a step back.

"You're here." Rose sighs, her expression softening "I was starting to get worried."

Roxy's eyes narrow. "What, you're not going to yell at me or anything?"

Rose shrugs "I got all my yelling out of my system earlier. How does fast food sound for dinner?"

"Better than frozen pizza I guess." Roxy still feels suspicious. Is that it? She was waiting for like two hours, she has to be a little pissed.

"Well, get in. Leave your bags in the trunk, if you must." Rose slinks inside the SUV. She looks weird again. Roxy shrugs and spends five minutes shoving everything in the back before sitting down on the passenger side seat. Rose gives her a look before pulling out of her parking space.

"How about McDonald's?"

"McDonalds sucks."

"You were homeless."

"So? I still never ate at McDonalds."

"...McDonalds is not that bad."

"Bleh."

"Picky."

Roxy turns aside to look at Rose, a smirk on her face. The smirk quickly fades. Rose looks exhausted. Roxy holds her tongue and looks out the window.

"What were you doing all day?"

There's a sigh. Roxy squirms in place, unwilling to look back again.

"Nothing important."

"Book stuff?"

"No."

"You said it was important."

"I said it was urgent. What's with all the sudden questions?"

"What, I can't be curious about someone I live with?"

Rose doesn't respond.

"I made a friend."

"Yeah?"

"Rich kid. But she's cool."

"Hm."

Six hours of this, huh.

Sounds fun.

Roxy sighs."You're really not gonna tell me anything?"

"Nope."

"That's just contraritarian on purpose."

"Contraritarian doesn't mean what you think it means. I'm not contraritarian, I'm reclusive."

"You're a prick, that's what you are."

"Also true."

There's a long pause. Roxy sighs again. She slumps against the car seat, looking over the road.

"I don't know who you are."

"Rose Lalonde. Age 28. Born December 3rd, 1985."

Roxy looks back at her. She doesn't understand how she can get along and figure out someone like Jane in a few hours, but Rose is still a wild card. Maybe she doesn't understand Jane either. Maybe Roxy simply isn't good with people. She's just good at being invisible and stealing wallets.

"My birthday is on the same day as yours."

Rose makes a sound, kind of like a laugh, but nothing like a laugh.

"Well, you don't have to throw me a party." Roxy says, gaze dropping to her lap.

"Do you want a party?"

"Not really. How come I'm expected to answer everything you ask me, but when I ask things you're all like, /reclusive/."

"Because I'm paying for your existence."

"Wow."

They didn't talk much for the rest of the trip, besides questioning on Roxy's purchases and dinner options. Roxy eventually gives up and pulls her laptop back to the front. She secludes herself back in her room as soon as they get to the house.

It's around 3 am and Roxy's curled up in bed. She just made a new pesterchum account and is trying her best to add Jane. There's a knock on the door.

"I'm naked, don't come in."

There's a long pause, then a reluctant knock.

"Nope, still naked."

"I need to talk to you, put some pants on."

Roxy rolls over to face the wall. "Fine, come in."

Rose opens the door and leans against the frame. She's looking exhausted again, and Roxy finds herself wondering how much she sleeps again.

"My brothers are in town. That's what I had to do today."

"Oh."

"I did some researching, and apparently you're not supposed to be reclusive when you have a teenager to take care of."

Roxy's brows lower and she sits up. She's wearing cute little kitty paw pajamas. "I don't need you to take care of me."

Rose shrugs.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because I didn't want you asking questions I don't like answering."

Roxy looks down at the floor. "No questions."

"Thank you. I'm going to bed. Sleep well." Rose closes the door and turns off the light when she leaves. Roxy lays down and shuts her laptop. She stares at the ceiling as moonlight filters in through the panoramic window. For a moment, she thinks about Rose smiling. Then she rolls over and tries to fall asleep, doing her best to not think about anything Rose related at all.


	4. Chapter 3

The snow has mostly melted, although it still hangs around as frozen slush. Roxy is curled up by the window, watching the wind shake the newly formed leaves in the trees. She’s sure it is howling out there, but she can’t hear with her earphones on. Her music tastes are slowly being rediscovered. She had filled her phone with old favorites and new finds, even with some recommendations from Rose. Who knew the dark, gothic author liked Grunge? It is kind of amusing.

Speak of the devil, Rose walks in, giving her a quick wave. Roxy smiles and pulls one earphone out. She can't say their relationship has taken major leaps, but they've been able to coexist without much fussing. So far, at least. "What's up?"

"I was wondering if you'd let me take a look at your writing. I wanted to see if the pointers I gave you were any help."

Roxy shrugs and looks away. "I haven't written much actually." She hates to admit it but ever since she got all these games and fancy things and actual stuff to do, she wasn't thinking much about writing. Maybe Rose was wrong about her. Maybe Roxy wasn't a writer writer. Just... A writer of some sort that's not a writer writer.

Maybe all the reasons Rose was interested in her for weren't real. Roxy swallows dry.

"Well, that's fine. But I'd like to see something soon, alright?" and there's the stupid smirk. Roxy wonders if Rose is even able to go on a day without doing that ridiculous thing. Roxy is about to open her mouth and answer with some sort of witty quip when something rings, reverberating through the house. Rose looks around, surprised and a little afraid.

"What is that? It's never done that before."

"Rose."

"Yes?"

"That's the doorbell."

"Oh." Rose pauses "I don't get a lot of visitors."

There is a whistle from the kitchen and Rose looks back.

"That's a tea kettle, Rose."

"Yes, I'm aware. Go check who's at the door, will you? It's probably a park ranger." She slinks back into the kitchen, and Roxy gets up, bouncing over to the door. She looks through the peephole, squinting.

"Rose, I think the Men in Black are at your door, what did you do?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's two assholes wearing all black and shades. I'm gonna open it, alright?"

Rose freezes. She dashes towards the door, but doesn't make it before Roxy opens the door back. The little man in the aviator shades looks up at her, rubbing his chin.

"Hi, you're tall and attractive. You must be a very dedicated one night stand to come this far, usually she leaves them in hotel rooms."

There's a muffled "Oh no" behind Roxy. She quirks a brow at the little man in the aviators and expensive suit, then looks at the other short man in stupid pointy shades.

"Oh god, you're the brothers." Roxy inhales and looks back at Rose "You're all so short."

"I'm the tallest." pipes up pointy shades. He reaches up to Roxy's chin.

Rose drags herself to the front door. She's not just frowning, no, she's downright sulking. She looks like she's had to share her food, and Roxy knows that face, because that happens whenever Roxy as much as steals a fry from her plate. Except about 10 times worse. She's sulking /and/ pissed.

"What are you doing here, Dave?"

"What, I can't come see my favorite sister every once in a while?"

"I'm your only sister. And no."

"Who's tall, dark and handsome here. Didn't mom tell you that she never, ever wanted us to bring girls back here."

"Shut up, Dave."  Rose doesn't seem amused. She seems to be shifting from sulking to outright upset "She's a friend."

"A /friend/."

"She's 16."

"Whoa, Rose, I thought you liked older women."

Pointy shades steps over and gently tugs at Roxy's shirt to lead her away. Roxy steps away from him but follows him anyway. He leads her back to the office and Roxy pauses.

"Rose doesn't-"

"The room was mine before it was hers, law of sibling ownership priority, come on. Would you rather listen to that?"

"Yeah, good point."

The office is just as messy as ever. Pointy shades plops down on the office chair, leaving the loveseat to Roxy.

"You're really not her date, are you?"

Little smirks, the occasional glance at Rose when her pajama pants slipped down, the way she licked spoons clean...

"Nah."

"Dirk Strider."

"Roxy. Strider?"

"Rose goes by our mother's name."

"So... This is your mother's house?"

"Yeah. I mean, since she... Died, it's Rose's, but, you know. It's still Mom's house."

"Oh."

There's a pause. Roxy sits on the loveseat awkwardly. This was starting to feel like home and now it's weird again. Mom's house. Dirk's room.

"You grew up here?"

"Yeah. I mean, they did. I'm younger, so..."

"So?"

"Well, I was six. I don't even remember this room to be honest."

"And you're..."

"18."

Something ties up in Roxy's stomach. Rose Lalonde lost her mother when she was 16.

"I grew up in Texas, with our dad, until Dave and Rose could take care of me, then we got the hell out of there."

"Not 1# Dad in the world?"

"Not even close."

"Sorry."

"Eh. I lived. Could be worse."

Roxy looks down at her sneakers. "Yeah. Could be."

There's a vague sound of shouting outside. She looks up at the door, frowning softly.

"Don't worry about it." Dirk is spinning around in the chair "They're always like this. You know, it's the whole twin thing."

"I thought being twins meant you were closer together."

"Oh, trust me, they are." He shrugs "How about you?"

"Me?"

"You're not her date. You're a six and something feet tall sixteen year old hanging around my grumpy sister. For her to tolerate you, you have to be something."

Roxy gives him a look. "Like, I'm not saying she's not grumpy, but she's also pretty..." Nice? Nope. Charitable? Too much red tape. Uhhh.

"Well, yeah, she's a downright looker, it runs in the family."

"What, no, I meant-" what did you mean, Roxy? "Okay, she's grumpy, but she's been nice to me, alright?"

"If you say so. I just didn't expect it... But you're not a date, right?"

"...Is she like... Does she have a lot of dates?"

"Nah, not since Kanaya." he freezes. His shade slip down his face. "I said nothing. You don't know who Kanaya is."

"I really don't."

"Good."

There's a pause. It's oddly silent outside.

"I think they're done." Dirk gets up and walks outside. Roxy has no choice but to follow. She feels anxious in Rose's office. It's oppressive. She wonders if Rose wrote all her books in here. It was certainly intimidating.

Rose and Dave were sitting on the couch, crossing their arms. They look like children separated by a parent- And that was a train of thought that made her feel slightly queasy. After so long spent wondering about Rose, Roxy suddenly wishes she never knew anything at all.

Dave clasps his hands together and smirks at Roxy. Goddammit, it was genetic now? "Good news, you're invited to Easter dinner!"

"I am?" mutters Roxy.

"Yes, by virtue of living here."

"I didn't know you were Christian."

"We're not." says Rose.

Silence spreads through the room once again.

"Wasn't my idea." Rose is fiddling with a loose thread in her cardigan.

The situation is awkward in the way only a stranger dropped in a family situation was, which was exactly what was happening. Note to self, Roxy thinks, work on your metaphors.

"Can you get the hell out of my house now." Rose chimes in to break the awkward silence, by being a grumpy old woman who lives in the middle of the woods alone.

"Sure. We need to go back to our brand new, sparkly shiny New York apartment anyway. We'll return by the 31st. Better learn how to cook an Easter dinner."

"Mom didn't cook Easter dinner either, she ordered out."

Dirk lets out a little heartbroken "What?"

Dave gets up and dusts off his suit. "C'mon Rose, think of it as a celebration of your newfound conscious side. If you can pick strays off the street, you can let us come over for Easter."

Dirk looks over at Roxy, who looks away.

"Yeah." Rose says nothing more.

Dave and Dirk leave without much fuss. Rose locks herself up in her office. Roxy feels like all the steps she took in the past month were brushed off, just like that. She sits alone for a long while, then goes upstairs.

Her laptop is plugged in on her desk. Roxy sits down in front of it. She wonders if this was Rose's childhood bedroom. She gets up again. Her fingers move along her walls, dragging on tape and paper. Posters, probably. Why were they ripped away? And who did so? Rose? Dave? This mythical "mom".

Roxy feels sick and needs to lie down. Despite her best efforts, her thoughts keep swimming back to Rose. She wants the mystery back. The mystery was safe and meant that she could continue to look at her as if she was some overpowered omniscient figure, not someone who suffered heartbreak and hardship.

Roxy wants Rose Lalonde, mystic, gothic author who lives in the woods and weaves tales of magic and morality. Rose Strider-goes-by-Lalonde was too human, and humans were sad and flawed. Roxy would even accept weirdly generous but reclusive Rose Lalonde right now.

It was probably very selfish to want Rose to remain some untouchable marble statue rather than a real human. Roxy gets up. She walks over to the cabinet. The violin that was in place when she first got here is still in the same spot. Still dusty. Roxy hadn't bothered to ask about it. How significant could it possibly be?

How long has this violin been sitting here? Who's the owner and why did they leave it behind? Roxy picks it up. She's never held a violin before. In fact, she's not sure she's ever even seen one in real life. Enough dust is raised that Roxy starts coughing, and she sets it down again. God, does Rose even know how to hold a dust cleaner. Roxy sits back down at the desk, the nagging feeling on the back of her head whispering things that slither down her throat and curl in her stomach. She starts typing. She's slow at first. It's been a few years since she wrote anything significant on a keyboard.

Just as she was about to start writing something, the now familiar pesterchum ding reached her ears. Roxy sighs and clicks the flashing icon.

 

GG: Well, dad is being a party pooper again.  
GG: I don't think we can meet up on Friday anymore.  
GG: Sorry, Rox.  
TG: its cool  
TG: i dont think i could make it anyway  
GG: Oh no, is something the matter?  
TG: nah im just supposed to do somethin ive been puttin off  
GG: Chores?  
TG: somethin like that  
GG: You know, I just realized I don't know anything about your family.  
GG: I don't even know your last name!

Roxy props her head up with her hand, fingers drumming against the desk. What is she supposed to say?

TG: im kinda of a runaway  
TG: im staying with a rich woman with a generous streak  
GG: Very funny, Roxy.  


A frustrated noise leaves her lips and Roxy lets her head drop to hit the desk. She doesn't know what she expected; her story was suspicious from the get go. It sounded like a shitty story hacked up by someone based on a personal fantasy. But if she can't tell the truth, and she can't just make up some wild story that can be easily disproved in the future, what is she supposed to do? Roxy pauses, lifting her head to look at the screen. It would sound a little more believable if it was based on someone else's story, wouldn't it?

TG: alright alright   
TG: i live with my older sister in the middle of the woods   
TG: is that more believable   
GG: Hmm. Well, I have no proof to the contrary, but I'll be sure to investigate further.   
GG: Do I get a last name or is that a secret?   
TG: lalonde   
TG: roxy lalonde   
TG: du-nuh DU-NUH   


Roxy snickers at herself.

GG: Oh, miss Lalonde!  


 

Miss Lalonde, huh. Not too shabby. Roxy Lalonde. Certainly had a ring to it. Roxy watches her screen, waiting for Jane to say something. When that doesn't happen, she switches back to Word, but the little spark of motivation is gone. She doesn't want to write, she wants to play videogames and read books and... Do things that aren't writing.

She ends up browsing the internet for two hours before she even manages to type a word. It's not a very good word.

She doesn't understand why this is so hard. She wrote everyday for two years, and even when she was at her parent's house she still wrote frequently. She wonders if this is why Rose lives in the middle of the woods and locks herself in her office when writing... Not that it seems to have helped her much.

Still, she's managed to finish six books, quality or otherwise. Roxy leaves her desk to sneak downstairs. Rose is still locked in her office. Roxy has been wary of bothering her when she's working, but Rose did say she was interested in teaching her how to be better, right? Roxy hesitates before knocking at her door.

There's no answer. Roxy knocks again, then presses her head to the door. There's no sound of typing, nor paper shuffling, nor anything that could betray Rose's presence. Roxy does a quick sweep of downstairs, then heads back up, peeking into the hall that leads to Rose's door.

The door was open. Roxy didn't even notice it wasn't fully closed when she walked by. Why would she even look, after all, Rose seemed to rarely go into her room. Roxy hesitates, then walks towards the door, as silent as she can. The only light inside streams from the hallway; Rose must have covered the window.

Roxy's palms are sweating. She feels like an intruder in Rose's private space. There was a big difference between being in her house and being in her room. If being in her office made Roxy queasy, walking into her room made her outright nauseous.

Rose is asleep. Dead asleep, even. She's snoring and drooling. She seems to have fallen into bed and knocked herself out. Her head's not even on the pillow. Roxy sighs. The oppressive atmosphere has disappeared completely. After all, how seriously can she take a woman who's drooling all over her sheets and sleeps with what appears to be a cuddly Fthulhu toy.

Roxy pulls the blanket over her shoulders. It's still cold and Roxy doesn't want to get stuck taking care of a sick grown ass woman.

She returns to her room, and doesn't write another word for the night.


	5. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose stares at the package dropped in her lap, then looks back up at Roxy.
> 
> "What's this?"
> 
> "Chocolate eggs."
> 
> "Thank you, but I'm more of a dark chocolate fan."
> 
> "You're supposed to go hide them. And some of those are dark chocolate, because I care about you." She gives her a wink and a grin. Rose doesn't seem amused.

Rose stares at the package dropped in her lap, then looks back up at Roxy.

"What's this?"

"Chocolate eggs."

"Thank you, but I'm more of a dark chocolate fan."

"You're supposed to go hide them. And some of those are dark chocolate, because I care about you." She gives her a wink and a grin. Rose doesn't seem amused.

"Why?"

"Because it's easter. And you're in charge of easter, remember?"

Rose made a distraught noise and let her head fall back

"Just because I asked you to help me, it doesn't mean you get to come up with this stuff. If you want a egg hunt, hide them yourself."

"But I want to be in the egg hunt! It's not fun if I already know where they are."

"No."

Roxy crosses her arms over her chest.

"Fine. In that case, why don't you make dinner as well."

Rose let herself slip down the couch, letting another groan slip.

"Don't be a baby. Hide the eggs." Roxy sticks her tongue out "I think it's nice that you guys get together like this."

"I don't. Everyone knows it's a sham we only continue because Dave wants to make sure I'm not about to kill myself anytime soon."

The smile faded off Roxy's face. "Don't be like that. If your brothers are worried about you, the least you can do is try and make them feel better."

"I never thought you would be the one trying to sing the praise of biological family."

Rose seems to regret her words as soon as she says them. Roxy shakes her head as she walks away.

"Roxy... Roxy, I didn't mean-"

"Save it. I have to go learn how to make a traditional lamb roast. Go hide the eggs, we only have 'till tomorrow."

Rose sighs, not bothering to get up. Her cellphone starts ringing. "Roxy, can you get that?"

"No, I'm too busy doing what you're supposed to."

Rose mumbles swears to herself and gets up, carrying the basket of eggs with her. Might as well kill two birds with one stone. She answers the phone as politely as she can, which isn't actually much.

"Yeah? Evening."

Roxy peeks her head out the kitchen curiously. Rose sounds oddly relaxed. She's always so high strung when she's on the phone.

"What? Come on." Is that real disappointment in Rose Lalonde's voice? "No, don't leave- There's something I need to talk to you about" Rose's gaze flicks towards Roxy, only to snap away when Rose realizes she's listening "and- I'm losing you, where are you even- I'm sorry, what are you doing in the Amazon?"

Rose pauses, then sighs. She hangs up.

"Dinner's for four now."

"Who was that?"

Rose shrugs. "Family." She walks into her office before Roxy can ask anything else. Roxy returns to the kitchen. She has a lamb to prep. When she finally leaves the kitchen, the basket of eggs is empty on the couch. Roxy tosses and turns all night, until she finally falls asleep. She wakes up to the sound of wood being dragged around downstairs. It's confusing enough to lure her out of bed.

"What are you doing?"

Rose is sitting on the floor, surrounded by wood and staring intently at a pamphlet.

"Dining table."

"Dining t- Is this Ikea?"

"Everything in the house is Ikea."

There's a long, silent pause, and Roxy wonders how a multi-millionaire seems to have the same exact tastes as a college student.

"I'm going to have some poptarts, and then I'm going to start work on dinner. Just make sure the table is assembled before anyone gets here, please."

"Okay."

There's something about cooking that's very relaxing, even though she only has a certain number of hours to make everything. Maybe it's because she can just blame anything that goes wrong on Rose. Maybe Roxy should try to cook more often. She wonders how hard it would be to convince Rose to take the 40 minute drive to the nearest town for fresh veggies and meat. She had to be tired of junk food too, right? Then again, Roxy has seen her chow down enough shitty chinese take out for two people in one sitting, maybe she's not exactly a fan of fresh and healthy.

Lamb in the oven, scalloped potatoes, green bean casserole and a simple carrot and lettuce salad resting on the counter waiting to be served.

"I'm going to walk out the kitchen, and I expect to see a dining table, Rose."

When Roxy walks out, she finds not only a dining table. The simple assembled table has been covered in a nice tablecloth, and the plates are already set. It actually looks kind of pretty. Rose smirks, obviously happy with herself. Roxy's jaw sets as something churns in her stomach.

"Go get the sides from the kitchen, they'll be here any minute."

Rose shrugs and does so. Roxy huffs to herself and goes back to the couch, reaching for the bag she had left there. Each plate gets a chocolate bunny in front. She even went to the extra trouble of getting  Rose a dark one.

"Someone's looking thoughtful."

"Do you know how hard it is to find a dark chocolate bunny?"

"No. Thank you."

Roxy finally looks back at Rose. She seems genuinely thankful at least. "Don't put the dishes too close to the rabbits, the beans and potatoes are still hot."

"Okay."

Roxy returns to the kitchen for drinks. She roots through the bags, brows furrowing. "You didn't buy any wine or anything? There's just grape and orange sodas, plus apple juice in here."

"Nobody drinks."

Well Rose, you're slightly mistaken. Roxy sighs. She had failed to get someone to buy her booze the last time she was in New York, and it was far harder to pull off in the nearest town where everyone knew Rose. She didn't know how the woman would react if she found out about her little habit.

It takes only a moment longer for the doorbell to ring. Rose looks up, brows furrowing in worry.

"Get the door, Rose." Roxy rolls her eyes and heads into the kitchen to check on the lamb. It's hard not to feel like a stranger all of a sudden. She opens the oven door and pulls out the rack, to stick a thermometer inside the roast. She hasn't even lived here all that long, and she's already making family dinners, although, she feels more like a servant than a member of the family. She wonders if Rose would try to get rid of her for the night if it was more convenient.

Roxy shakes her head. What a stupid train of thought. There's been no signs that Rose doesn't want her here, but Roxy still feels insecure about it. She pulls the lamb out of the oven and heads back into the living.

"Everyone out of the way, I have my hands full of scorchingly hot dead baby sheep."

"That is cruel." says Dave "But hilarious."

Roxy sets the dish in the middle of the table and turns around to look at her guests. Rose's guests. Dirk seems to be the same as last time, but Dave is wearing a hideous sweater, featuring the most dead eyed rabbit imaginable. When Roxy looks back at Rose, she realizes she's also wearing an ugly easter sweater, depicting what could only be a bunch of mutilated chicks. How else would you explain the way their little bird bodies are contorting. Rose actually blushes a little and looks away. The little churning feeling on Roxy's stomach returns. It's not entirely unpleasant.

"Anyway, we should eat before it gets cold. And then we can have an egg hunt!" Roxy grins back at the two Striders, who seem to be suitably impressed with the dinner. Dave smirks at the mention of an egg hunt, while even Dirk seems slightly pleased. Roxy thinks. She can't be entirely sure. The rabbit on Dave's sweater is more expressional.

Rose is still not entirely happy, but she seems to be slightly less angry than the last time her brothers were around. Everyone sits down at the table, which doesn't seem to be collapsing anytime soon.

"So." mutters Dave.

"So." repeats Rose, her eyes set on her plate "Who wants some lamb?"

"It's just the four of us, huh?" Dave quirks a brow, barely visible behind his shades "The table's looking kinda empty."

"Could be worse. Can we eat?" Dirk seems to be glancing between his elder siblings. Rose stands up and starts to carve the lamb. Dave sits back, lips pursed.

Roxy wonders what has happened between the family, though she thinks she might have a clue. She lives with Rose and she's still worried about her at times. There's some sort of rift here. Roxy wishes she could just know everything about Rose, or go back to not knowing anything at all. The way she is, standing in the middle of the road with no one to help her find her way just makes her want to run back and forget everything about Rose...

But is that the solution? Is Roxy really going to keep running away from everything at the first sign of trouble or commitment?

"And then I told him, 'There's no significance at all, I just wanted to have a dude in Godzilla jammies running around. His name is Tim, good guy." By the time Roxy snaps out of her thoughts, everyone's already eating and Dave seems to be going on a tirade of some sort.

"I'm glad you're having fun." Rose's tone is drier than usual, and she seems to have gone back to sulking. Roxy looks at her curiously and Rose sighs. "Dave's second movie has recently been released. It's going to his big head."

"Yeah, well. you have a big nose!" pipes up Dave.

"We're twins, you idiot."

Roxy looks back at Dave curiously. "You make movies?"

"I sure do. Don't mean to brag, but I've been getting pretty big lately."

"Much like your head."

"Don't be jealous, dear. You've had your ten minutes."

"Oh, sick burn. Let me go cry in my money pile. Maybe my legions of fan girls can cheer me up."

"So many fangirls and you're still single."

Roxy looks at Dirk. Dirk shakes his head and stuffs his mouth full of potatoes. Rose seems to have run out of clever burns. Or maybe it's simply not funny anymore. Even Dave looks uncomfortable. Roxy decides to focus on her food and hope the awkwardness magically goes away. It doesn't.

They finish eating in silence. Roxy clears her throat.

"So. Egg hunt!"

"I'll pass." says Dave "You two go ahead."

Roxy and Dirk slink off. They walk around for a while.

"Well, that sucked." mutters Roxy "It would be nice if they could get together without bickering."

"I apologize in their behalf." Dirk sighs "Rose worries us, sometimes."

"I figured. She worries me too."

"Yeah?"

"Like, nothing serious, but she sleeps badly and..." Roxy shrugs "Look, I don't know her that well. It's not like we have hour long feeling jams."

"She wants you here."

Roxy doesn't respond. She doesn't know how to. She's still been unable to write anything substantial, and Rose hasn't been any help on that regard either. Roxy is starting to think she's getting bored of the whole mentor business. She doesn't want to find out what would happen if she does get entirely bored.

"I swear, if Rose just hid all of the eggs in the most secluded place in the house..." Dirk changes the subject to Roxy's relief.

"Well. It wouldn't be surprising, would it?" Roxy smiles softly, gaze dropping.

It takes them fifteen minutes to actually find just half the eggs. Thankfully, Rose didn't shove them all in one place, although they were found in some pretty stupid places. They finally return to the dining table. Rose and Dave aren't speaking to each other. Dave has chopped his chocolate bunny into pieces and is eating it slowly.

"We found some eggs." Roxy sets the basket on her hip and pouts "Between the toilet paper, Rose, really? I'm going to be finding eggs all over the place for months."

Rose forces on a smile. Roxy has to hold in a sigh as she sits next to her. Roxy and Dirk make small talk as they eat. Eventually, Rose and Dave join them.

It gets surprisingly late without anyone realizing. Dave and Dirk decide to stay the night. They're upstairs ready to crash while Rose is lifting the table. Roxy is still sitting down, half asleep and protecting her still respectable bounty of chocolate, even after eating and sharing the dark ones with Rose.

Rose sits down next to her. "I'm sorry you had to put up with this."

"Hey, I had good food, no thanks to you, and plenty of chocolate. What's there to complain about."

"I'm sure the last thing you wanted was to be witness to our family drama."

"You know they're worried sick about you, right?"

"There's nothing to be worried about."

"I'm worried about you. You don't sleep well, you don't feed yourself properly."

"Alright, mom."

Roxy gives her a look. Rose reaches over to wipe some chocolate off the corner of her mouth. Roxy feels her cheeks heating up.

"I'm supposed to be the one who cares for you." Rose smiles. Roxy scoffs and rolls her eyes.

"I don't need you to take care of me." She pauses "But the attempt is appreciated, I guess." That smile is still on Rose's face. Roxy's gaze falls to her lap. Why does she feel so self conscious all of a sudden? Her stomach is churning and she feels hot all over.

"I'm going to bed. I'll probably have to push Dave off first, so don't be surprised if you hear any loud noises from upstairs." Rose gets up and heads for the stairs. "Don't stay up too late."

"Yeah..." Roxy pokes at an upright egg, watching it wobble. She's doing her best not to look back at Rose, because if she does, she might say something she regrets. She hears footsteps go up, then down, and she turns back, ready to bare her heart, only to find Dirk wearing pajamas with eggs on them.

"Really?"

"It's ironic."

"Okay,"

She sighs and returns her gaze to the eggs for a moment. Well, that was a close call.

"You wanna play Left 4 Dead or something?" she mutters, glancing back at Dirk. He shrugs.

"Sure."

Rose's words go unheeded. They stay up to 5 and fall asleep with chocolate smears on their lips again.


	6. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can I sleep over at Jane's sometime?"
> 
> Rose's shoulders slump and she looks genuinely apologetic even before she opens her mouth to speak.
> 
> "Please!" Roxy pleads "I promise it will go well! What could possibly go wrong?"
> 
> "I don't know, Roxy. I don't know this kid, nor her father, at all."
> 
> "Rose, if I can survive on the streets for two years, I can survive at a friend's house!"
> 
> Rose sighs and removes her glasses to rub at her eyes.

"And then the bunny cake started bleeding from the eyes and my dad couldn't stop laughing, it was actually really cool. How about you, how did your easter go?"

Roxy looks up at Jane, biting the straw of her smoothie. For once, Roxy didn't feel like she had to make things up for her.

"Family dinner. Egg hunt. Video games. Pretty cool actually. I cooked."

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was all by strict recipe following, but, you know, better than my sister's cooking. I've seen her be confused by ramen. I didn't mind. It was actually pretty fun."

"Maybe I should share my baking recipes with you."

"Y'know, I think I'd like that."

"How about you just come over to my house and we can bake together."

Roxy pauses. As lovely as that sounds, it’s complicated at best.

"Yeah, I dunno if I can, it's a pretty long drive to my house, and then even more time to yours, there's just not enough time in the day you know?"

"Well, how about you sleep over, then? Your sister could drop you off in the morning and pick you up the next day in the afternoon. I'm sure my dad wouldn't mind, he's been itching to meet you anyway."

Roxy has never had a sleepover, unless you consider falling asleep on the couch with Dirk a sleepover. The offer is mighty tempting for that alone. Plus, she really likes Jane. Really, really likes.

But not as much as you like Rose, a little voice in the back of her head chimes in. That voice has been mighty annoying lately. Roxy looks at her phone for time.

"I'll think about it. I dunno how my sister will feel about it. And speaking of her, I need to get going."

"I'll walk you over, alright?" Jane smiles and hopped off her seat, picking up her bags full of cookie cutters and baking pans. Roxy forces on a grin and gets up as well. She sips on her smoothie, wishing it was spiked with vodka. What does a sixteen year girl need to do around here to get some alcohol in her hands. Why couldn't Roxy be born somewhere like, Portugal, or something.

"Wow, look at that." Roxy's gaze drifts up at Jane's words. There is a sign for a fashion show buried amongst a crowd of billboards. "They're all so tall and elegant, and dressed so well. It's a little intimidating, isn't it?"

Jane pauses, before giggling "Wait, I forgot who I was talking to. I'm sure you're not intimidated."

"You flatterer." Roxy rolls her eyes. She stares at the sign for a while longer, wondering if Rose could get her tickets. It looks pretty cool, and Jane might like it. The designer's name seems familiar, but all these names start blending together after a while. "It's next week, huh?"

"Good luck getting in, though." Jane sighs "It's probably sold out."

Another time then. They chat as they walk, but Roxy is getting ever more anxious the closer they get, "Aren't you walking too far? You might be late for your dad to pick you up."

"Oh, I'll just call him and say he can pick me up somewhere else. You always walk back alone! Why, are you nervous about me meeting your sister." Yes. Unbelievably so. Jane is being all grinny, but Roxy isn't finding this very funny. How is she supposed to tell Rose she had to make up a backstory for herself that's basically yoinked off Dirk's? Shit, what if Rose blows her cover?

By the time they get to the car, she's an actual mess. She's not sure how Jane hasn't noticed with how much she's sweating. Rose perks up when she sees her, only to narrow her eyes at the sight of Jane. She looks back at Roxy, quirking a brow.

"Sis." Roxy stresses the word "This is my friend Jane. Jane, this is my sister, Rose."

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Rose." Jane actually curtsies and Roxy forgets she's freaking out just to internally gush about how cute her friend is.

"A pleasure to meet you as well, Jane. Roxy never stops talking about you. It's good to put a face to the name."

On one hand, Rose doesn't blow her cover. On the other, she's being a prick and embarrassing her. Roxy frowns over at her.

"Oh, is that so?" Jane smirks over at Roxy, who shrugs.

“Yeah, yeah, how could I not.” Roxy starts pushing Rose towards the car. The woman has a smirk on her face, betraying how much she’s enjoying this. “We really need to get going though. You know, long drive.”

“Oh, of course, don’t let me keep you too long!” Jane waves them off. Roxy waves as well until Rose turns and she’s out of sight. Roxy slumps against the car seat, letting out a long sigh.

"Thank you."

"Good story," Rose says "It's always best to base lies on facts. I am someone's sister, after all." She glances over at her "Trying to make yourself look better for the rich kids?"

"What?" Roxy frowns at her "No! I..."

Roxy slinks in the seat further. She plays with a loose string on her seat belt.

"She didn't believe me."

"Ah."

"I tried telling the truth but..."

"Hm..."

"Hm?"

"No. It's nothing."

"Rose, don't be a dick about this. I need friends alright. It's... Been a while since I've had friends." Her chest has gone from uncomfortably hot to completely hollow. Best not to dwell on the past, she reminds herself.

"I understand."

By the time they get home, it's past midnight. Rose is yawning and rubbing at her eyes, and Roxy throws her an accusatory look that is ignored. Roxy is halfway up the stairs when she turns back and walks back to Rose on the couch. She looks up at her from her laptop screen curiously.

"Can I sleep over at Jane's sometime?"

Rose's shoulders slump and she looks genuinely apologetic even before she opens her mouth to speak.

"Please!" Roxy pleads "I promise it will go well! What could possibly go wrong?"

"I don't know, Roxy. I don't know this kid, nor her father, at all."

"Rose, if I can survive on the streets for two years, I can survive at a friend's house!"

Rose sighs and removes her glasses to rub at her eyes. "You got me there. I suppose there's not much I can do to stop you. I'm not your mother."

Roxy squirms in place. "Are you trusting me or do you think I'd just go behind your back?"

"I trust you. Go ahead and plan it. I'll drive you over whenever."

Roxy lets out a shrill shriek of joy and flops on the couch to hug Rose before she can even think about what she's doing. Rose is just as surprised as her. She awkwardly pats at her back before hugging her back. Roxy pulls away with bright red cheeks, but a smile still on her face.

Hell, she already came this far.

Roxy leans over to smooch Rose's cheek, then darts off giggling. Rose, in a daze, lifts her hand to press against her quickly warming cheek.

Roxy sits at her desk. She squirms and giggles to herself for a second before she can actually start doing anything.

tipsyGnostalgic  began pestering  timaeusTestified  at 02:34

 

TG: okay so what do people do at sleepovers  
TT: Braid hair and talk about boys. Maybe read horse books.  
TG: fuckin sweet  
TG: shit wait is it like expected to sleep on the same bed  
TG: because omg  
TT: Who's the lucky person who gets to hear you snoring?  
TG: i dont snore  
TT: Yeah you do.  
TG: nuh huh  
TT: Yeah uh.  
TG: nuh huuuuuh  
TT: Ask my sister.  
TG: how would rose know if i snore  
TG: what are you implyinh here  
TT: You know exactly what I'm implying.  
TG: that your sister sleeps with underage girls?  
TT: Anyway, tell me about this sleepover.  
TG: so i got this friend  
TG: and she invited me over to her place but i was like  
TG: i live 7 hours away from nyc its a teensy bit awkward  
TG: and then sleepovers apparently  
TG: teenage girl things  
TT: You are a teenage girl.  
TG: i have lived life dirk  
TG: lived life i tell you  
TT: Okay, what’s the problem here? Besides the snoring?  
TG: idk what to expect  
TT: Why are you asking me? It’s not as if I’m a highly requested member of the sleepover society.  
TG: yeah but like  
TG: you gotta have female friends  
TT: I barely have friends.  
TG: oh  
TT: Still, I suppose I have an idea of what goes on in sleepovers, at least from a pop culture viewpoint.  
TT: I’m a bit of an aficionado/historian, you know?  
TG: uh huh  
TT: I don’t think there’s anything you have to worry about.  
TT: You’re plenty good company. I mean, my sister puts up with you.  
TG: are you going to keep using that as a point in my favor.  
TT: Yes.  
TT: But on the subject of sleepovers, there’s not much to expect. You’ll hang out, eat dinner, then sleep. Do you have any weird eating or sleeping habits?  
TG: i dunno ask ur sister  
TG: ;)  
TT: First: Ew.  
TT: Secondly, I’m assuming that’s a no.  
TT: Then you’re in the clear.  
TG: what if i fuck up  
TT: Like what, are you planning on hitting on her dad?  
TG: possibly  
TG: what if hes hot  
TT: You’ll break my sister’s heart, Roxy.  
TG: what if hes really hot  
TT: Down, girl.  
TG: what if something bad happens thats not my fault  
TT: Roxy.  
TT: Chill.  
TT: The worst that can happen is that you have to ask my sister to pick you up for some reason or another. She’ll be grumpy but she’s always grumpy.  
TG: what if i like  
TG: fight w janey or sm  
TT: Get a better friend or something.  
TG: im starting to see why you might be unpopular  
TT: Funny. Listen, I gotta go. Relax and just do your thing, alright?  
TG: yeah alright  
TG: see ya

Roxy lets herself slump down the desk chair with a sigh. Well, that was helpful. There's a knock on the door and she looks aside. "Yeah?"

Rose opens the door and peeks her head in.

"Hey. I was just wondering if you had something to show me yet?"

Oh yes. The writing. Roxy had completely forgotten why she even mattered to Rose. Her eyes drift to her lap.

"It's a little unpolished." She squirms in place "Can I edit it one more time and show it to you?"

"I could give you some pointers on the editing."

"No, it's okay really." Roxy gets up, forcing a grin "Anyway, I'm going to bed, night Rose!"

"But-" Roxy pushes the door close. There's a muffled little protest before Rose walks away.

Roxy lets herself flop back in bed, staring at the ceiling.

Yeah, she's pretty screwed. She has two paragraphs. What is she supposed to say to Rose?

...Rose wouldn't actually kick her out, would she? Dirk's always talking about how surprising it is that Rose tolerates her. Maybe if she loses the one thing that Rose cared about her, her tolerance is gonna run out.

Roxy rolls over and tries to fall asleep.

She spends the next week trying to write something, anything, but her mind is completely blank. She even turns to rereading Rose's books to spark her imagination. Her old, hard cover copies were annotated all over. She was really obsessed with her for a while when she was fourteen and now she's living in her house. It's the sort of thing fangirl fantasies are made of, but Rose walks around pantless half the time and yesterday she spent like five minutes trying to get at a froot loop she dropped down her shirt.

There's a scene in the first Complacency novel where Zazzerpan is playing chess with Calmasis. Calmasis believes they have taken the upper hand in the match; Zazzerpan is old and tired. Calmasis has cornered him. Just as they're thinking they've won, Zazzerpan completely turns the match on its head and wins, completely out of nowhere. The old man looks frail and out of it at first look. He doesn't look like anyone's opponent, much less Calmasis. He's made bad decisions and he's a shadow of his greater self. But Zazzerpan has never lost.

"Roxy?"

Roxy blinks and looks back at Rose. The woman is staring at Jane's house. It's a perfectly normal, suburban two story. The whole neighborhood is perfectly normal. It kind of sends chills up Roxy's back, now that she's not distracted by her thoughts. She squirms uncomfortably in her seat.

"Yeah?"

"Call me if anything goes wrong."

"What could possibly go wrong?" Roxy slips out of the car "I'll be fine. Maybe Jane's will like me and end adopting me and you can finally get rid of me."

Rose frowns. Roxy sticks her tongue out. "What, do you want a goodbye kiss?"

"No."

"A'ight, bye then!"

Roxy's fingers tighten as she walks up the driveway. She knocks three times on the door. Rose's SUV is still rumbling behind her. Roxy is trying not to look.

The door opens.

Oh shit, he is hot. Dammit, she's not even inside the door and she already smells trouble.

"Roxy."

"Jane's dad."

Mr. Crocker smiles, then looks back at Rose. Roxy looks back at her. Rose is frowning still.

"Your sister, I suppose?"

"Yeah, just ignore her."

"Well, if she has any concerns, I'd be glad to have her in for some coffee, see if we disperse her worries."

"Nah, don't worry, she's just grumpy." Roxy puts on her best parent pleasing smile. Mr. Crocker seems convinced. He leads her upstairs.

"Jane, Roxy's here."

Jane runs out of her room with a big smile. What follows is pretty much standard out of a teenage focused sitcom. Pranks, baking, etc. It was fun, in a way Roxy isn't used to. It kinda makes her long for all the time she spent not being a stupid teenager. Kinda.

They have dinner, pizza, in Jane's room, watching a movie on her computer. Jane seems a little distracted.

"Y'know, Clueless isn't exactly the most thought inducing movie." Roxy says between bites of pizza "I mean, I guess you could make a case for how teenage girl's talents go ignored because they don't contribute to things old white men find important."

Jane gives her a look. Roxy shrugs. "Hey, I'm a writer." A writer that doesn't write.

"It's nothing. I was just thinking." Jane sighs, letting herself flop over in bed.

"About what?"

"This guy asked me out as a prank."

"Huh."

"Yeah. I mean, I saw right through it, you can't get nothing past this detective, but it got me thinking. My birthday's next week, and I don't even know who I can invite besides you, and then there's prom."

"Just don't wear a velvet dress."

"No, I mean, what if nobody invites me?"

"Invite them."

"I don't know who would say yes."

"Does it matter?"

Jane makes a frustrated noise and rolls over to look at Roxy. "Well, it's my social life, right? Aren't you supposed to enjoy high school?"

Roxy looks at her for a long moment. "I guess."

"What's with that face, huh?" Jane props her head up on her hand, pouring "What's been going on with you?"

What has been going on with Roxy? Well, She's only been not homeless for less than four months, her mysterious yet gorgeous benefactor might kick her out if she doesn't perform to expectations, or she might not and then Roxy would be left wondering why. Of course, this mysterious, gorgeous, charming benefactor seems to be completely unable to take care of herself, leaving Roxy to roll over and bitch to her younger brother about it.

What exactly has been going on with Roxy? How can she even begin to explain something like that to Jane? Yes, she managed to forget all about writing and Rose and anything while she was hanging out with Jane. But those things didn't stop being real.

"Nothing much." Roxy shrugs "My sister's really grumpy, though."

Jane gives her a suspicious look, but doesn't prod further. When they go to sleep, Roxy stares up at her ceiling for hours.

In the morning, Dave picks her up. He introduces himself as Roxy's brother, and pulls her away before she can ask any questions.

Dave's car is a red Corvette. Roxy wonders if this is why Rose had seemed so surprised when he just showed up at her little hole in the woods.She doesn’t see this car rolling between the trees up to Rose’s place.

"What, was it too hard to roll out of bed and come get me herself?"

Dave's jaw sets.

"I thought I said she'd pick me up in the afternoon. Missed me?"

"Rose crashed her car."

 


	7. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Dave shows up again, she agrees to go home. When she gets there, she wonders when the house in the woods became home. And she wonders why it doesn't feel like so when Rose is gone. Her night is spent awake, avoiding Jane's messages.
> 
> On the floor, by the bed, a book, a second hand paperback, left open. A scene that features two characters, forever locked in a battle of wits until the book is closed or a page is turned. Zazzerpan has never lost.

Roxy looks over at him, eyebrows shooting up. Her stomach knots.

"Is she okay?"

"Define okay."

"Dave, come on, is Rose alright?"

"She'll live."

"Live?"

"She got a bit messed up, but nothing too serious."

"Why didn't you just say so?"

He shrugs. Roxy rolls her eyes and slumps in her seat.

"It's complicated."

"What happened? When? Oh, god, did she fall asleep at the wheel?"

"This morning. She was speeding."

"Speeding?" What the hell was she speeding for? What, did they run out of Hot Pockets and the store was about to close? Rose doesn't have any time urgent commitments, she doesn't have a life.

"It's /complicated/."

"I do well with complicated things, do you want to hear about the intermolecular interaction between organic compounds?"

Dave sighs and shifts uncomfortably. His knuckles are white from gripping the wheel.

"I'll take you home, alright? Do you have everything you need?"

"What? Wait, what about Rose?"

"She's at the hospital, but..."

"I wanna see her. I need to." Dave looks at her, emotion unreadable behind his glasses. Roxy bites her lip. "Please."

Dave's eyes dart back to the road before looking at her again.

"She's not dying, you know. You can see her in all her bandaged glory tomorrow."

Roxy slumps further in her seat, arms crossing over her chest. Dave sighs.

"Fine."

There's something about hospitals that make Roxy break out into a cold sweat and her throat knot, but she carries on undeterred. Dave follows her, a few steps behind. Roxy wonders. She always knew Rose is impulsive; you have to be to pick up random kids from the street. But what could possibly make her risk herself like so? The possibilities leave a bad taste in her mouth.

Rose is sulking towards a cup of pudding when Rose walks in. She spares her a glance, only to look back once more when she realizes who's entering the room. Her eyes shift from Roxy to Dave, who shrugs.

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you."

Rose has a arm cast and a nose bandage. She averts her gaze, unwilling to look Roxy in the eyes. Roxy sits down beside her bed nevertheless. Dave leaves the room, wandering off somewhere. He wants no part in the conversation that shall follow.

"Why?"

"What did he tell you?" Rose's voice is low, lacking its usual bite.

"Nothing. You were speeding."

Rose shifts, winces in pain. Roxy's fingers outreach in vain before she can stop herself. Her arm drops and she looks away from Rose's face.

"I needed to see someone who's in town." Rose is looking at the window. The spring leaves are fluttering in the wind.

"Someone? Who could be so important that you..." Roxy swallows dry.

"It's a long story."

"I have time."

"My ex."

"Well, that was surprisingly succinct."

Rose lays back in bed, her eyes closing. Her bangs have fallen all over her face.

"I didn't take you for the sort to go girl crazy." Roxy says.

"I'm not.”

"Except?"

"She's quite a woman."

"She's an ex for a reason."

"She left me."

"Then maybe you shouldn't be chasing her."

Rose opens her eyes, barely looking over at her before looking away once more. "Maybe."

Roxy hesitates, before reaching to brush her bangs aside. Rose's head leans towards her.

"Was this really worth it?"

"I don't know."

"Would you do it again?"

"Probably."

Roxy lets her hand drop. She wants to tell her everything about her writing, about how Jane can't understand her, about how much her stomach turns over and her chest fills with heat whenever Rose smirks. She remains quiet.

When Dave shows up again, she agrees to go home. When she gets there, she wonders when the house in the woods became home. And she wonders why it doesn't feel like so when Rose is gone. Her night is spent awake, avoiding Jane's messages.

On the floor, by the bed, a book, a second hand paperback, left open. A scene that features two characters, forever locked in a battle of wits until the book is closed or a page is turned. Zazzerpan has never lost.

When Rose comes home, she's not grumpy. She's silent. Roxy's questions are, at best, met with monosyllabic responses, at worst, nothing. Roxy wonders if the only reason she's still around is because Rose is too complacent to kick her out.

The following day, she's in the living room with her. Rose sits on the small end of the couch, watching a documentary of some sort. Roxy sits on the other end, on her laptop

The door rings. Rose looks confused. Roxy almost wants to laugh.

"That's the doorbell."

"I knew that." Rose's eyes shift back to the television "Can you get that?"

Roxy's gaze drops and she pushes her laptop aside to get up. When she opens the door, a tall woman with grey hair and a rifle barrels inside before she can even say anything.

"Rose Lalonde, you are in so much trouble."

The apathy in Rose's expression is at once replaced by utter terror. "Grandma?"

Grandma? The woman doesn't look like she can be Rose's grandma. Roxy closes the door and follows her.

"Speeding, really?" the woman motion towards Rose "What were you thinking?"

"I..." Rose looks genuinely afraid and Roxy isn't sure she should laugh. But damn, does she want to "I wasn't thinking-"

"Damn right, you weren't thinking!" Grandma flicks her hand up and Rose jumps to her feet as if she wasn't still covered in bandaging.

"Grandma, come on."

"Don't you 'come on' me, you irresponsible little brat. Just because you can afford a new car every month doesn't mean you can just wreck them like that. And what's this I hear about you chasing skirt again?"

Grandma pauses and looks back at Roxy. Roxy freezes in place.

"Oh, hello dear, I didn't even notice you there." Grandma smiles at Roxy. Just as Rose is about to let her guard down, Grandma glares back at her. "And who's this."

"This?" Rose shrugs "This is Roxy."

Roxy waves.

"What's Roxy doing in your house?"

"She's a friend?" Rose looks away.

"She's a college student."

"Actually, I'm sixteen." Roxy chimes up. She has to admit it's kind of fun to watch Rose be this scared.

"She's a highschool student."

"I'm not in school currently."

"She's a highschool dropout?!"

Rose looks over at Roxy, mouthing 'why?'.

"Rose, what is this child doing in your house?" Grandma seems to be losing her patience.

"I picked her up, alright, she was sleeping on the streets." Rose looks down, trying not to meet Grandma's eyes. Grandma is looking at her with eyes narrowing behind her big, round glasses. She certainly does look like someone's grandma.

"That's... Surprisingly magnanimous of you?" Grandma looks back at Roxy. Roxy nods enthusiastically, a grin on her lips. "Well, I... Good for you. Both of you."

Grandma steps closer to Roxy, reaching to shake her hand. Roxy gladly takes it.

"I'm Jade. But you can call me Grandma, honey."

"Roxy. You're Rose's grandma?"

"Something like that. You can say I adopted her, in a way. Much like Rose has taken you in, I suppose!" Roxy looks over at Rose, who's staring very intently at a crack on the wall.

"Anyway," Jade walks over and brushes Rose's bangs off her face, much to her displeasure "I came over as soon as I heard. Dave was very worried when he called me. How are you feeling?"

"Like I crashed my car."

"Very funny. You remind me of Jake with how reckless you can be." Jade's lips pursed "Oh, fuck, I forgot Jake in the car. Roxy, be a dear."

Roxy catches the car keys one handed. Jake? Who's that, her dog? Roxy shrugs and walks out the front door. Rose's SUV was trashed and Dave is yet to drive the new one over. Jade, apparently, drives a military jeep. A military jeep without a hood. Jake is not a dog.

"Uh. Hi?" Roxy steps closer, brows furrowing in confusion "Are you Jake?"

"Yep, that's me!" He waves enthusiastically.

"Grandma told me to get you." Roxy dangles the keys in front of him.

"Oh, yeah." He jumps out the jeep "I guess we're staying then?"

"I guess. I'm Roxy."

"Nice to meet you, Roxy!"

Jake is quite a bit taller than Roxy, dark skinned and muscular. Roxy certainly won't mind if he spends the night. She clears her throat and leads him back to the house.

"So, are you like... Jade's grandson?"

"Right you are, miss!"

"I'm surprised you took the trip. Like, this isn't exactly the funnest place on earth."

"Oh, I always follow my grandma everywhere. Much better than staying on the island alone, I tell you."

"How old are you, anyway?"

"21! I know, it sounds a little silly that I keep on my grandma's coattails, but..."

Roxy's mind trailed off. 21 and apparently dimwitted? Jackpot. She smirks ear from ear when they walk through the door. Rose has been seated at the still to be unassembled dining table, sulking, and Jade is busying herself in the kitchen. Roxy is all smiles when she sits down next to her.

"What?" Rose narrows her eyes.

"Nothing."

"You're smiling."

"I'm not allowed to smile?"

Rose shrugs and lets herself fall forward, her head hitting the table with a dull thud. Jake has joined his grandmother in the kitchen.

"Is she the family that skipped out on easter?"

"Yeah. She's a famed explorer, actually." Rose is still pouting "It's not the first time she's had to skip."

Roxy's eyes wander over the table. Six seats. Yeah, seemed about right.

"You still haven't told me anything about that ex of yours."

Rose gives her a short, piercing glance, but Roxy doesn't move.

"What? I don't deserve a few explanations after living with you for a while?"

"No."

Roxy wasn't expecting much anyway. She drums her fingers against the table. Maybe she should open up to Rose. Maybe if she just confessed that she's been completely unable to write, she could figure it out if Rose trusted her.

"Who wants pork and beans?" Jade walks out of the kitchen with a steaming hot pan of food, Jake beaming behind her. Rose perks up.

Roxy doesn't tell her anything that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you follow me on tumblr or twitter you might be aware that my computer has gone to shit. sorry for the delay, should have it under control for now. hopefully.


	8. Chapter 6.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I mean it. Have you ever considered creative writing? Perhaps publishing your own novel?”
> 
> For once, Rose looked visibly uncomfortable. She turned around, fiddling with something on her desk. “No.”
> 
> “No? Really?”
> 
> “I couldn't. it's simply not the sort of life for me.”
> 
> “Then, what? you're gonna be a therapist and completely forget about writing?”
> 
> Rose’s shoulders stiffened. For once, she felt vulnerable, unknowing, something not even her college professors instilled on her. She glanced back at Jade, trying to scrutinize her intentions, but the woman just seemed as chipper as ever.

There was a knock on the door. Rose Strider jumped out of bed, surveying her location. Thankfully, it seemed she'd passed out in her dorm room, rather than someone’s couch. She paused, taking into consideration the mess she was in. There was a stranger knocking at her door; it could be Dave, it could be the RA, it could be some jilted girl with a vengeance. Rose couldn't really know. She ran from one end of the room to the other, kicking things in place. “I'm getting dressed!” she yelled as the knocking persisted. She pulled on a pair of pants and surveyed the room. Nope, still terrible. There was no way this mess could be cleaned before she had to open the door.

Desperate times called for desperate measures. Rose grabbed three big trash bags and filled them with as much shit as she could. Trash, trash, trash, old copies of term papers, trash, she wasn’t even sure what some of these things were. Whatever, it was trash and she was in a hurry. The knocking only got worse. Oh god, it was an RA wasn’t it? This was it, Rose had finally fucked up, she was gonna get kicked out of the dorms and end up living in the streets, or, worse, have to go back to her father’s place.

The window that faced the back of the building was open. Rose hoped no one was walking by. The three bags flew out of the window. Piles of dirty clothes were shoved into the closet. Rose tried to straighten her hair out to no avail, and she opened the door with bated breath.

“Rose Strider?”

There was a pause. Rose blinked. The woman in front of her was tall and dark skinned, dressed as if she'd just stepped out of the jungle. She looked old. Just old, not feeble. Old like an experienced explorer, not like the grandma down the street who insisted every college student that passed her house took a cookie. No, this wasn’t any old lady, this was Indiana Jones’ badass, attractive grandma.

“Uhh.” Rose’s eloquence was nowhere to be found. To be fair to herself, she'd just woken up, not to mention the hangover that pounded away at her skull. Her t-shirt had barbecue sauce stains on it, and the pajama pants she'd pulled on were riddled with holes. Her hair, cut by herself in the dorm showers at 5 am, stuck up in every possible direction. The lack of makeup betrayed her twenty years of age. She was babyfaced and cute looking, despite the heavy bags under her eyes. “Yeah. Yes. That would be me.” She cleared her throat.

“Jade Harley.” The woman extended her hand. It was a moment before Rose thought to shake it. “I hope you know why I'm here.”

Rose paused and glanced back at her room. Maybe she hoped to uncover an unknown species of dinosaur in there. Or, at least, a fungus of some sort. Maybe Rose was growing a new strain of mold in whisky soaked takeout containers.

“No, actually.” Rose said, turning her attention back to the woman “I don't. “

To Rose’s surprise, the woman scoffed and rolled her eyes. “Of course not. I don't know why I expected the dean to bother. I tell you, that guy would be better off running a fast food place.”

There was a pause. Rose didn't laugh. Jade cleared her throat.

“I read your term paper. The one on the effects of existential crises on the human brain, and the creation of imagined, all powerful beasts, much like gods beyond human comprehension. Good stuff. Factual as it should be, but powerful like a novel. You have skills.”

Rose was taken aback before she could respond. “...And?”

“And?”

“...And you're here because?”

“Well, I wanted to congratulate you on such a good read!”

“I got a B.”

“I'm aware. Your teachers are morons.”

“Yes, that's what I always say.”

Jade chuckled and pet her shoulder. Rose still didn't smile. She quirked a brow. “And you are?”

“Oh, excuse me, did I forget to introduce myself again? Jade Harley.”

Rose was silent for a moment.

“And what do you?”

“I'm a scientist!” before Rose could stop her, Jade walked into her room. The girl shouldn't have let her guard down. She stared at Jade’s back before she closed the door.

“A scientist?”

“Yup!”

“Like…” Rose slowly followed her into the room “An archeologist… Or a biologist or, I don't know a cryptozoologist?”

“A /scientist/, Rose.”

Rose nodded. “Sure. A scientist. Makes perfect sense.”

“No roommate?”

Rose eyed the room. There were two beds, but one was so filled with stuff you would be excused to miss it. “No.”

Her first two roommates moved out when it was clear Rose’s cleaning habits weren't gonna get any better. The third one was convinced Rose was a satanist and intended to sacrifice her to some elder god. The dorm organizers had given up by now.

“That's a shame, having a roomie is such a part of the college experience.” Jade muttered, inspecting Rose’s empty writing desk.

Right. The college experience. Rose rolled her eyes behind Jade’s back. The college experience, otherwise known as shutting herself in her dorm room with a bottle of jack and a big bag of McDonald’s, crying while writing essays. She didn't remember the last time she'd done anything meaningful, and the only reason she hadn't dropped out yet was because the alternative was much worse.

“I heard you're majoring in Psychology?” Jade said, throwing a grin back at Rose. Rose remained stoic as ever.

“With a minor in English.” she added, more out of habit than anything else “I'm sorry, I just don't understand why you're here.”

Jade waved her hand, dismissing her. “I was in town and I remembered the author of that one paper i really liked lived around here. You must be really proud, having something of yours published.”

“I guess.”

“You guess.”

“It was published in the college newspaper. I wasn’t the only one.” Rose shrugged and looked away “Besides, you're probably the only person who likes it at face value. Everyone else just finds it kind of amusing.”

“Your classmates are giving you trouble, huh?”

“Besides the ones who stalk me around, screaming chants lifted directly from Lovecraft? I wouldn't call it a problem. Honestly, I've had worse.”

Jade gave her a look that Rose was unable to decipher.

“...What?”

“You're a very good writer, you know.”

“If you say so.”

“I mean it. Have you ever considered creative writing? Perhaps publishing your own novel?”

For once, Rose looked visibly uncomfortable. She turned around, fiddling with something on her desk. “No.”

“No? Really?”

“I couldn't. it's simply not the sort of life for me.”

“Then, what? you're gonna be a therapist and completely forget about writing?”

Rose’s shoulders stiffened. For once, she felt vulnerable, unknowing, something not even her college professors instilled on her. She glanced back at Jade, trying to scrutinize her intentions, but the woman just seemed as chipper as ever.

“No. Yes.” Rose’s jaw set “I don't know.”

“Well, of course you don't, you're twenty.” Jade shrugged “Why should you know what you wanna do with yourself.”

“Look… Doctor Harley?” Rose turned away again “I have a term paper to write. If you don't mind, could you leave me be.”

“I was hoping to buy you lunch, actually.”

“I'm quite alright, I-”

“Oh, come on, aren't you a starving college student? Besides,” Jade winked, to Rose’s consternation “you look like you’ve spent far too much time copped up in here already. How does steak sound?”

“It sounds…” Rose sighed “It sounds lovely, if I must be honest.”

There was a steakhouse downtown. It was fancy and filled with waiters in a proper uniform catering to old rich men in suits. It was exactly the type of place Rose couldn't nor wanted to step foot in. Of course, it was Jade’s first choice. Jade sat around like she was at home. She hadn't even bothered to change out of her explorer’s clothes. Rose, unknowing of her destination, had thrown on jeans and a World of Warcraft shirt. Her cheeks were tinted pink as she stared down at the menu, hoping no one would look their way. Alas, Jade was loud and excitable, calling the waitress darling and ordering “literally the biggest steak they had”. Rose downsized a little (her hips thanked her) with an order of thin pepper steak and a salad. Jade gave her a look.

“What.” Rose said, glancing up at her with a frown tugging at her lips.

“I said I would pay, didn't I? Go nuts.”

“I enjoy steak and salad, thank you very much.” Rose cleared her throat “I'm trying to savor the flavor of the meat without anything else competing.”

“...Well, okay!” Jade seemed to accept that explanation and Rose sighed, returning to people watching, awkwardly avoiding Jade’s glance. The younger girl couldn't even remember the last time she was this uncomfortable. She just wanted to be back at her room, in bed. Today was not a getting out of bed day.

“I find it hard to believe you don't write for yourself.” Jade said, catching her attention “Your writing is far too good for it.”

“I don't have time. I need to pass my classes. Frivolities as such are unnecessary.”

“Art is unnecessary?”

“I thought you were a scientist. Besides, I wouldn't call anything I touch art.”

“You have skill, Rose, even if you don't wanna admit it. there's a reason people want your stuff in their newspapers, even if just as a entertainment piece. Because it's entertaining. Trust me, you're good.” Jade smiled fondly “And what's my occupation have to do with anything? You’ve never met a scientist who likes to rock out?”

A dry chuckle left Rose’s throat.

“Made you laugh.” Jade was grinning now. Rose shook her head and looked away again.

“What do you hope to accomplish, here?”

“I dunno. I want you to write. Maybe you would be less of a stressed out mess if you did.”

“Ah, but what if I were to say writing stresses me out.”

“A conundrum, I see. But is that true?”

Rose’s shoulders slumped. There was the faintest change in her expression. “Sometimes.”

“Then you do write, after all?”

“I used to. I stopped around my second year of college.”

“I see. I'm sorry to hear that.”

“Like I said. Frivolities. It did nothing for me anymore.”

“Did you ever work on a novel?”

Rose nodded.

“And?”

“It sits, unfinished and unpolished, on my laptop. I'm surprised it's still there; I would have expected a wave of ill fortune to ruin my hard drive by now.”

“But it hasn't. Maybe it's a sign.”

“There's no such thing as signs. I don't believe in superstition.”

“Maybe that's why there's magic lacking in your life.”

Rose scoffed. “Very poetic.”

“I'm serious.” Jade indeed looked as serious as Jade could “Like, I'm just saying. Maybe you should be writing again. Maybe the time since you stopped can bring on a new perspective.”

Rose paused, then nodded. “Maybe.” The waited brought their drinks and Rose took a sip of her coke.

“Plus, chicks dig writers.”

In the years that followed, Rose would recount that occasion as the last time she'd ever snorted something out of her nose. Jade would recount it as the time a soon to be world famous author sprayed her with coke in a busy downtown restaurant.


	9. Chapter 7

“But no, she'd just fallen asleep on the couch hugging a box of froot loops.” Roxy sighs and rolls her eyes “it's like totally useless to even bother worrying about her.”

Jake snorts in laughter, putting down his burger for a moment to avoid having it collapse out of his hands. “I think my grandma feels the same way but she still does it.”

“Yeah, there's something about Rose that makes her very easy to care about.” she snorts as well “Maybe it's because she's so short.”

“Oh, no, that's mean!” Jake has devolved into full on giggling and Roxy grins over at him. The boy has turned out to be actual good company. With Jade nagging Rose, they escaped to New York on the jeep. So far, they'd stocked up on junk food and were currently sitting in Central Park.

“So, how long have you actually known Rose?” Roxy asks, curiosity prodding at her. It felt like she was a daring sleuth, peeling off one layer of Rose’s mysterious past every question asked. Hm. Jane might be rubbing off on her.

“Well,” Jake scratches his chin and looks up “Grandma met her like eight years ago, but we weren't introduced until the next year. She's been kind of a cool big sis to me, all these years.”

it's hard to remember Jake is actually 21. He doesn't feel like he's four years older than Roxy. it's kind of nice, knowing an adult that's not so… Adulty.

Roxy doesn't wanna screw this up. She likes Jake, she really does, and Rose and Jade are in too close proximity for Roxy’s comfort. They might find out about her little scheme at any moment, and then, well, she'd be in serious trouble.

“So, you’ve been around the whole world, haven't you, Jake?” Roxy sips at her drink casually. Jake’s face lights up and Roxy actually feels a little bad.

“Oh, yes, Gramma and I have been to almost every country in the world.” he nods. he's smiling, but it's a little sad. “She wants to settle down here for a while though, so I can work on my master’s degree.”

Roxy chokes on her soda. Jake reaches to pat her back.

“You have a master’s degree?”

“Oh, no, of course no. I'm working on getting one. it's a little hard but I think that by next year, I'll be a full fledged adventurer-Ahem, archeologist.” The sad look has gone away completely, and he's grinning so hard Roxy can see nearly all his teeth.

So, he's that sort of person. She can’t help but feel a little inadequate.

“Ah, Grandma mentioned…” He clears his throat and Roxy’s cheeks redden “That you dropped out of highschool.”

“It's complicated.” Roxy mutters, looking away “It wasn’t a safe place for me to be in. Due to my, err, situation, it's not like we can stroll up to any school and just sign me up. I'm technically a missing child case.” Her shoulders drop and she looks away. With all that's happened, it's hard to believe one mistake could simply wipe it all back to where she was years ago. She wonders if Rose would fight for her.

It's no time to think about things like this.

“But, nevermind that, tell me more about your travels!” Roxy grins back at Jake, who seems taken by surprise before he grins as well.

“Well, just last week we were in Ghana…”

Boy, Jake can sure talk when he gets into it. He wasn’t kidding when he said he'd been to almost every country. All the details start blending together in Roxy’s head and she has no idea what he's talking about half the time, but she nods and smiles. He doesn't seem to notice anything is off.

“And, that's when I punched the crocodile on the nose!” Jake fist pumps and grins over at Roxy, who just smiles and nods.

“That sounds amazing. I can barely imagine what it's like to meet so many people from all around the world. It must be hard to communicate.”

“Well, grandma knows like, a hundred languages.” He nods thoughtfully “So we get by pretty well.”

“Really? i would figure with all the different customs and cultures and such…”

“Oh, yes, that's a little harder, for example, did you know the okay hand symbol-”

“It's true that a lot of european countries have very low drinking ages, isn't it?”

Jake looks surprised but it quickly fades. “Oh, yes, it's quite interesting. I don't drink myself, but gramma could sure put back a pint.”

Roxy doesn't doubt that.

“Of course, now she doesn't drink all that often, especially when she's here in the states.”

“Health issues?”

Jake gives her a strange look. Roxy quirks a brow.

“You don't know?”

“Know what?”

“That Rose is an alcoholic.”

Roxy’s heart drops.

“Oh. No. I didn't.”

Jake shakes his head and looks away. “I think she's okay now, but… that's the sort of thing that never really goes away, right?”

“Yeah.”

There's a long moment of silence, long enough to get Roxy thinking. Tthere's a knot on her throat and her stomach is churning uncomfortably… But this isn't about Rose. Rose has nothing to do with this and it's none of Roxy’s business. Why should she change her behavior because of Rose fucking up?

Still, her tongue is dry and something tugs at her heart.

“Anyway, what were we talking about?” Jake is completely oblivious to her inner turmoil.

“I was just… Thinking. Because, you know, the drinking age is so high over here and-” she swallows dry “I needed some cooking alcohol, but, I guess I'm glad you told me about this before I talked to Rose about it.”

“Oh. Yeah. That wouldn't have been nice.”

They go silent again.

“I could just buy it for you, if you want? If it's just for cooking. Rose doesn't need to know, right?”

He just fell right where she wanted him to, without any further prompting. Poor, gullible Jake. Roxy smiles like absolutely nothing’s wrong. “Yeah. That sounds good.”

They spend the rest of the day not really doing anything special. By the time the sun falls, they're heading home. Roxy has three bottles on her backpack. The guilt is nagging at the back of her mind but she pushes it down. Rose doesn't need to know.

They walk into the house to the smell of a roast in the oven. Jade asks about their day. Rose is on the couch, pouting with a cup of jello. Roxy excuses herself upstairs before anyone can see how much she's sweating. Where is she gonna find somewhere to hide the bottles? She finally decides on the closet. The bottles are hidden under a layer of coats and assorted pieces, and she snaps it shut.

“Hey.”

Roxy jumps in place, turning around with wide, fearful eyes. Rose blinks, confused. “What's wrong?"

“...Nothing.” Roxy’s shoulders slump and she sighs “You scared me.”

“Sorry.”

here's a moment of silence between them. Rose looks away.

“I'm sorry.”

“Huh?”

“For how I've been treating you lately. it's unfair of me to be all morose around you when… you're honestly one of the best things in my life right now.”

Roxy’s cheeks redden. “it's… it's okay.”

“No, it isn't.” Rose forces on a smile. “I was a jerk. Let me be aware that I was a jerk.”

“..Yeah. You jerk.”

Rose chuckles and tilts her head towards the stairs. “Dinner’s ready. Come on down.”

Roxy dutifully follows her as she leaves the room. Her heart is heavy with guilt. It honestly hurts so much that she doesn't know how she's breathing properly. The table is set and they sit down to partake in a family meal.

Roxy doesn't feel like she's part of the family. She feels like an outsider hanging around and betraying everyone.


	10. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Put some pants on, Rose.”
> 
> Rose groans and pulls the couch pillow over her head.
> 
> “Why?”
> 
> “I don't know, you're the one who said we couldn't miss this.” Roxy shrugged and leaned against the couch. “It's Dave’s big night, right?”

“Put some pants on, Rose.”

Rose groans and pulls the couch pillow over her head.

“Why?”

“I don't know, you're the one who said we couldn't miss this.” Roxy shrugged and leaned against the couch. “It's Dave’s big night, right?”

The pillow falls off. it's been two months since the car crash. Jade left after a month, after she realized Roxy could totally take care of Rose. The cast is gone, even if her arm still hurts a lot. So is the nose bandage. You can barely see it was broken; Rose’s regal, straight nose has the slightest of bumps. it's… Something. It doesn't look bad. In fact, it kinda looks… Nice. Kind of badass but not obvious enough to make it bad. Roxy has probably spent way too long thinking about that bump.

She pulls her eyes away, realizing she's staring. Again. Dammit. Rose doesn't even seem to notice, at least.

Earlier in the week, Dave had stopped by with the news that his movie was finally set to be premiering. Not just a movie he had worked on, no, the movie he had spent the last eight years trying to get off the ground. Rose had rolled her eyes and scoffed, but promised to be there. Although Roxy was greatly interested, Rose wasn’t in the mood to do any explaining. Roxy was going into this blind.

“Yeah. you're right.” Rose groans as she sits up. She's still on painkillers. Roxy steps forward in case Rose needs help, but the woman gets out of the couch on her own. “We need to go pick up our dresses.”

“We do?”

“It's a movie premiere. You can’t just slap on some jeans and a hoodie and there you go.” Rose sighs and scratches her lower back “Besides, I'm expected to show up on the red carpet. Tons of paparazzi, finally seeing the big, promised Dave Strider movie, 8 years in the making. And, of course, there she is, reclusive author and platonic life partner, Rose Lalonde. Could this be a sign that the Complacency of the Learned film is finally on it's way?”

“Is it?”

“Fuck no. Dave isn't allowed near fifteen feet of my shit.” Rose took out her cellphone. “I need to call Dave and ask him where the hell I'm picking them up.”  
  


Roxy pauses, quirking a brow. “You mean I don't get to see what I'm wearing until it's in my hands?”

“If it makes you feel better, I have no idea either. But Dave actually has good taste. I wouldn't worry.”

“What if I don't like it?”

The phone is dialing. Rose glances up at her. “You suck it up. it's Dave’s big night, isn't it?”

Roxy doesn't get to complain because, holy shit, the dress is gorgeous. Dave really does have good taste. Roxy’s dress was purple with gathered chiffon folds, making her look far curvier than she really was, with off the shoulders straps. They'd insisted on a padded bra (which was an odd conversation to have with someone she didn't know). It was really pretty, and Roxy couldn't help but blush at her reflection. She actually looked sort of nice. The tailor had just finished putting in the finishing touches. They'd given her a neck hugging pearl necklace, and styled her hair up, with an also pearl clasp. The wild, unruly hair now fell over her shoulder in soft curls, rather than sticking up everywhere. Roxy would cry if it wasn’t for the makeup someone had laboriously applied.

Damn, Dave’s people are good.

She steps out of the dressing room. The flats she wears are comfortable. She figures she's tall enough, and, just as well, considering they didn't have time to teach her how to walk in heels.

She sees Rose as soon as she steps out and a gasp is held in on her throat. The woman is on her phone, and she doesn't notice Roxy just yet. She's wearing a long skirted black dress, tightening around the hips, with a pink belt at the waist, and a deep v-neck. The dress sleeves stop mid forearm. there's some gothic lace going on there, and the dress has an actual tail. She has to be wearing some serious heels, considering she now reaches Roxy’s chin. She's wearing /the/ headband, and Roxy’s heart does a little fangirl flip even after all these years. The makeup is striking and dark, with some purple tones around her eyes to match. She looks like Rose Lalonde. The Rose Lalonde, mysterious author.

Rose looks at her, then looks away. Roxy’s heart skips a beat. She's left thinking on how her gaze makes men fear for their life. Rose looks back again, eyebrows raising and jaw going slack. For a moment, they stare at each other. Rose clears her throat. “You look good.”

She returns to the phone. Roxy can swear she's blushing, and she finds herself blushing as well. Oh shit, Rose thinks she looks good. Oooh shit.

“Roxy? The car is waiting for us.”

“Uh. Oh. Right.”

Rose smiles and gives her arm to Roxy. Roxy tries not to blush too obviously and slinks her arm into Rose’s.

“Really. You look good.”

“Thank you. You too.”

“Nervous?”

Roxy shakes her head. “I'll manage.” She doesn't wanna mention how her heart is racing and there's a knot on her stomach. She doesn't know if the problem is the hordes of paparazzi and famous people expecting them, or Rose. Rose, looking beautiful, pressed up against her side. Rose with the little smirks and the quiet chuckles. Rose with her brow furrowed, staring at her laptop.

Her entire side feels like it's burning. God, Roxy has got it /bad/. When she glances down, she notices there's a slit on the dress and she can see Rose’s thigh. Her heart stops and she can’t breathe for a moment. She honestly feels like throwing up.

A limousine is expecting them, because of course it is. Dave and Dirk are already inside. They look snazzy in their suits, both tightly fit, to the very last detail. Dave is wearing a black suit with a red shirt and white tie. It looks good on him, makes him look taller. Dirk is wearing a waistcoat with a black back and a printed front in gold and black. it's a bit gaudy but he makes it work. He wears an orange tie along with a matching pocket square. Both of them are still wearing their stupid shades.

They make small talk on the way to the premiere. Roxy is nervous. Roxy can see Dave is also nervous. She assumes Dave isn't nervous due to his sister being way too hot. Once they arrive, Roxy can see the flashes of the paparazzi’s cameras outside. The queasy feeling only furthers, and she wishes she had a trash can to throw up in.

“Okay, so, gameplan.” Dave is adjusting his tie one final time even if it already looks perfect. “Rose and I are gonna walk the red carpet. You two are coming in through the back so you don't have to deal with this, okay? After the movie, we're gonna have to return to the limousine and be carted off for the after party. The after party is gonna be way more low key, but I would advise you to stay away from the windows, cuz the paparazzI'll do anything to get a pic. We clear?”

Roxy and Dirk nod. Roxy feels like she should be more upset than she is over not being able to walk down the red carpet, but it comes as a huge relief. Dave leaves the car first. There's an increase in volume from the crowd, along with an increase in flashes. Rose smiles at Roxy encouragingly. She doesn't smirk. She tilts her head to smile at Dirk as well, then leaves the car.

From the sliver of the open door, he red carpet is deafening and blinding. Roxy is glad to be inside, and even gladder that Rose shuts the door without hesitation. The crowd roars with enthusiasm as Rose makes her first public appearance in what might be years. The limousine drives off, and all Roxy can see is Rose walking forward, the slit in her dress showing just a sliver of leg before she disappears out of sight. Roxy and Dirk exchange glances.

The limousine pulls into the back and Roxy and Dirk are shepherded in. Rose and Dave are nowhere in sight, and Roxy feels her heart being pulled at. She wishes Rose was here to settle her worries, or at least distract her by being a dork. There are other people hanging out backstage, but Roxy feels like an outsider. She wonders if Dirk feels the same, or if he's used to this. After all, he's Rose’s brother. They do premiere things for books, right? Like signings and stuff. She still feels sick, like someone is trying to squeeze the contents out of her stomach, and on top of that, her heart is hammering against her ribs.

“Well, if it isn't little Strider.”

A shrill voice behind them makes Roxy jump in place. Dirk doesn't seem affected, but then again, when does he seem affected. They both turn back to see a short, twig of a woman, wearing a garish teal and red pantsuit and bright red glasses, along with a cane.

“I'm not gonna ask how you know it's me. It's nice to see you, Miss Pyrope.”

“Please, call me Terezi.” Terezi bows down ever so slightly. Her cane darts out and smacks Roxy right dab in the shins. “And who’s this? Did you bring your girlfriend.”

Roxy blushes and she doesn't know why.

“No. This is Rose’s +1.”

Terezi looks up and down her, cane poking her all the way.

“She's tall. Is she a prostitute? Has Rose finally sunk that low?”

Roxy doesn't have time to protest because there's a loud, exasperated sigh behind her.

“Terezi.”

Roxy wants to run back and cling to Rose but she assumes that wouldn't help her prostitute image. And she supposes Rose wouldn't want that. Instead, she turns back, shoulders drawn in meekly and eyes set on the floor.

“If you're gonna insult my date, then I might have to ask you to leave.”

Roxy’s cheeks go as red as the accents on Terezi’s suit, and she hopes nobody is looking at her at the moment.

“Fair enough.” Terezi grins, all teeth and angles. Her cane flicks up at hits Dave in the groin. Dave’s brow furrows behind his glasses.

“Ahh, David. Big night huh?”

“Big night.”

“If only you were that big.”

Considering how Terezi’s talking, Roxy isn't sure she's taking a dig at his height or at something else. She's not interested in finding out. Just as Dave opens his mouth for a comeback, the usher comes in to tell them they've to get to the stage soon. Terezi follows after him, motioning towards the other four.

“Follow me, hobbits. Prostitute.”

They don't have much of a choice, as the usher is giving them “looks”. Roxy tags along behind Rose, pouting.

“I think I would rather be a hobbit.”

“Don't worry, if she pisses you off too much, you can just step on her.” Rose tilts her head back to grin at Roxy. Roxy rolls her eyes and swallows her heart right down back her throat.

The inside of the theater is already dark. Terezi leads Dirk and Roxy to their seats. Rose and Dave have disappeared somewhere. Being in the dark with a bunch of strangers isn't Roxy’s favorite activity. She squirms uncomfortably in her seat, between Dirk and Terezi. They're at the front, third row. She's pretty sure she's seen some of these people before. there's gotta be like, a ton of celebrities and famous movie people stuck in this room with her. And Roxy can’t even distinguish between a horror movie and a suspense movie. Roxy can’t even remember the last movie she saw.

Actually, she can. She saw Say Anything  with Rose the other night. They ended up throwing popcorn at each other and bitching about Rose’s bad taste. Roxy fell asleep on the couch and woke up with a blanket draped over herself. She sinks further into her seat. At least this theater is high quality. Roxy feels like she's slipping into a cloud.

The lights go out fully and Roxy feels her heart stop for a moment. Her breath evens out just as some highlights go on, lighting up bright circles on stage. People start walking up. Roxy wonders if she's supposed to clap or something. She sees Dave walk in, adjusting his tie again, and Rose sticking close behind him. They really do look alike, especially from afar.

Dave is handed the microphone. He seems to survey the crowd for a moment.

Roxy wonders if he's nervous. From what she's heard from Rose, they're been trying to get this film going ever since they were in college. It must have been really hard. What if the movie’s a dud, or it just doesn't make the production costs back or-

“Sup.”

Dirk chuckles. Roxy sighs.

There's a speech but Roxy stops paying attention at the beginning. Her eyes are set on Rose. She's in the back, looking as perfectly stoic as always. That dress really falls nicely on her. Roxy’s face is heating up and she's glad for the darkness of the room. Was Rose involved in the production of the film? Maybe she wrote. Maybe she's just there to keep Dave from freaking out. That would be kind of cute. Roxy thinks she might ask Rose later.

The speech is over, the people on stage disperse. The movie starts. Roxy hears muffled steps on her side, the drag of fabric on the pristine floors, and someone sitting down next to Terezi. Terezi makes a quip and Rose returns it, her voice flirtatious.

Roxy doesn't wanna be in the room anymore. The whole movie is whispered nothings from her side, Dirk sipping at his soda from the other, and Roxy’s heart sinking ever further. The movie itself is weird, some artsy, ironic thing Roxy simply doesn't have the prior knowledge to understand. Is it even supposed to be understandable? Her brain hurts.

Rose leaves before the end of the movie. Roxy wants to run after her and tell her it's not fair, to drag her into this and leave her alone. She stays in place. She can’t just admit to Rose that she's not as well adjusted as she thinks she is. What would Rose think of her?

Terezi herds them to a limousine through the back. Roxy is silent throughout the trip while Dirk and Terezi make fun of Dave’s shitty movie. How pretentious and artsy it is.

“But did you get it?” Terezi says, and Roxy wonders if she’s part shark with the way her teeth glint menacingly.

“Of course I did.” Dirk rolls his eyes “I had to put up with Dave explaining it to me over and over again. I get it.”

Roxy watches the buildings pass by. She thought she knew New York City well, but everything feels so strange and foreign right now. The dress she has on probably costs more than some people’s houses. Last year she was sleeping under a bridge. Now she's being lead to a fancy dinner with celebrities and champagne. And she did absolutely nothing to earn it.

Once the limousine stops, it's a blur. There's people everywhere and Roxy is too deep into her thoughts to pay attention. It's a restaurant of some sort, or perhaps a ballroom? It looks fancy. It smells clean, with a drop of flowery essence. There are tables clustered around one half of the premises, and a long buffet, filled with delicious looking food. The smell reaches Roxy from the entrance, and her mouth starts to water. There's an open bar. There are people everywhere already, their fancy shoes and high heels clicking against the shiny marble floors. In the distance, Roxy notices the faint sound of a busy kitchen. All of this is colliding in her head at once. She forgets how to breathe. Every little thing distracts her from what she's trying to think. Her thoughts are fuzzy remnants of something she can’t remember.

“You guys finally made it! I was getting worried that you would get stuck in traffic!” Jade’s voice breaks Roxy out of her internal freakout. She looks up at her and it must have been obvious in her face because Jade puts one hand on her shoulder, smiling down at her. Roxy instantly feels better, even if just so.

“Jade.”

“Terezi.”

The two smile at each other like they're about to get into a fistfight. Roxy steps behind Dirk, trying to hide herself from any possible acts of war. Obviously, as Dirk only reaches up to her collarbones, this is an exercise in futility.

“Grandma, look, they have cheese buns!” Everyone seems to instantly relax as Jake steps into the scene, arms full of cheese buns. In the background, by the buffet table, there's one very angry chef with an empty plate in his arms.

“So, Dave’s movie!” Jade chirps up.

“I think I'm gonna get something to eat.” Roxy steps away, reaching to grab Jake’s arm and drag him along. Once they're far away from the rest of the gang, Roxy sighs and looks back at him. Jake looks like a chipmunk hoarding cheesebuns for the winter.

“Jake, you're gonna get run out of here by an angry chef. I hope you're aware of that.”

Jake says something that sounds like “But they're so good.” except spoken through a mouthful of cheese and bread. Roxy wipes crumbs off her face.

“I'm sure they'd take it as a compliment if they didn't have to feed like, what, hundreds of hissy fit ready famous people? It's a big number I'm sure.”

There's a pause. Roxy waits for Jake to finish swallowing. he's worse than a boa.

“Did you get it?”

“Get what?” Jake blinks.

“The movie.”

The look of confusion on Jake’s face fades. “Oh, of course I do! What's there not to get?”

Roxy sighs and nods. “Do me a favor and get me a screwdriver from the bar.”

There's another pause.

“A screwdriver is a drink, Jake. Orange juice and vodka.”

“Oh, well, I don't think you should be drinking, Roxy.”

Roxy gives him her best people pleasing smile “It’s just that this is such a special occasion, isn’t it?”

Jake looks thoughtful for a while. “Hm! I guess you're right!”

“Be a dear?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

He returns after five minutes with the drink and more cheesebuns. Roxy looks back at the buffet to see the same chef, positively fuming. She makes a note to avoid the buffet while she's in the presence of Jake. “Let's get out of here.”

The two of them walk back to a secluded area, outside. There are cigarette butts on the floor. it's too cold to be outside in that dress, but Roxy doesn't wanna go back to the crowd. She sips at her drink and takes a good look at Jake. He's still munching on cheese buns. He's wearing a dark green suit with a light green tie, and he put on way too much cologne. He still looks like he belongs here, somehow. Roxy wonders if she does so as well, or if people simply know, with a glance, that she shouldn't be here.

It's silent outside. Like someone flicked a switch to turn off all life. They must be pretty far away from the center of the city.

“So!” Jake’s voice cuts through the heavy blanket of nothing “How’s things?”

“As usual. You?”

“Same.”

The alcohol warms up Roxy from the inside. She doesn't think she minds sitting here with Jake and just drinking. Jake doesn't seem to mind either. When Roxy is done, she sits down and sets the glass beside her. Nobody will notice it's missing, much like Roxy herself. Jake is bent over the balcony fence, looking out into the skyline. He turns back to Roxy, mouth opened to say something, then shakes his head and looks back.

“What?”

“Nothing.” He runs his fingers through his hair, slicking it back “I was just wondering about you and Rose.”

“What about me and Rose?”

“Like I said, it’s nothing. Is she okay? You know, with the crash.”

Roxy looks at him. She's sure he can feel her glare on his shoulder blades.

“She's fine. I'm gonna go back inside.” She gets up “It's cold.”

Roxy slinks back into the room. Jake doesn't follow her. She wanders through, between people she's seen in TV and magazines, thinking she should eat something, or try to get another drink at least. The vodka is heavy in her empty stomach. Someone bumps against her and they carry on without apologizing. Probably didn't see her at all. Roxy is still invisible and there's no amount of money that could change that.

“There you are.”

Roxy glances up. The crowd clears and Rose is looking at her. A few more people step between them before Rose walks to her. She's smiling. Despite the striking makeup, it's still full of warmth and Roxy wonders why anyone would ever look at her like that. “Is everything alright? You look upset.”

Roxy’s shoulders drop. She looks down at the floor, cheeks reddening. She hopes Rose doesn't smell the alcohol in her breath. “It's okay. There's a lot of people here.”

She looks away. There's a short black guy staring at them from across the room, and Roxy suddenly feels dread wash over her. By god, that's one angry looking little dude. Roxy looks back at Rose, who’s noticed the man as well. Her expression is unreadable. Rose reaches over to grab her wrist and Roxy lets her. She leads her away from the main room, through empty halls, then ducks under a no-entry rope, strung in the middle of the hall. Roxy stops, eyeing her suspiciously.

“What. I'm Rose Lalonde. Do you think they'll arrest me?”

“You know I'm still an underage runaway, right?”

Rose rolls her eyes and snorts. Roxy finds herself smiling.

“I promise I'll bust you out of jail. Come on.”

Roxy sighs and steps over the rope, then follows Rose through the darkened hall. It gets so dark she can no longer see anything and has to follow the sound of Rose’s heels clicking down the hall. Despite how far away they're, Roxy can still clearly hear the music from the ballroom, broadcast through speakers along the halls.

Eventually, a door opens. Roxy brings her arm up to shield her face from the light. Rose steps in, and Roxy can hear the shift of heels clicking on marble to heels clicking on tile in an empty room. Roxy steps forward.

It's an inside pool. It's been emptied out and the deck chairs are folded against the walls. Much like the rest of the place (hotel?) it's fancy as all shit. Rose pulls her dress up and walks down to the floor of the pool.

  
“What are you doing?” Roxy mutters, watching her.

“I don't know. It felt like a good idea.” Rose shrugs. She's oddly smiley. Roxy sighs and steps closer to the pool.

“What's up with you?”

“What? I can’t be happy for once?”

“It's weird.”

Rose shrugs. She's kind of swaying to the music. The smile on her face is genuine. Roxy sighs again, then starts climbing down the pool stairs.

“Did you like the movie?” Rose’s voice is nothing but curiosity. Roxy shoulders slump and she looks away from her.

“I don't get it.”

There's a pause, then Rose snorts in laughter.

“Yeah, me neither, and I edited the damn thing.” She breaks out into laughing, and Roxy looks up at her confused. Rose steps closer to her.

“There isn’t anything to get because it's not supposed to make sense. Nobody can get it. It's an exercise in futility. “ Rose shakes her hand, a proud smile on her face “Dave sold a movie about nothing. He actually pulled this off.”

“...So… When someone says they get it…”

“There's many reasons why someone would say that. Perhaps they're in to the joke and are continuing the ludicrous irony for their own amusement. Maybe they took the plot at face value and failed to see why that's impossible. Or, perhaps, like I assume most of the people did, they're saying they get it because they don't wanna admit they don't.” The mischievous smirk on her face turned into a soft smile. “It takes a lot of bravery to admit to someone else you don't understand something that everyone else does.”

Roxy blushes and looks away. “I just… Tired. Too many people.”

“I understand.” Rose steps even closer and reaches her hand out. As if on cue, some song started playing in the ballroom. Roxy vaguely recognized it, some 70s hit from some movie. The song was older than both of them. “Dance with me?”

Roxy’s heart skips a beat and she looks up at Rose, cheeks red and eyes wide. “What?”

“Dance with me. You don't have to, but I would like it if you did.” Not all the little annoying smirks in the world could change the fact that Rose looks beautiful when she smiles. Roxy hesitates before stepping forward and grasping Rose’s hand. they're ridiculously close. “Have you ever learned how to slow dance?”

“No.”

“Right.” Rose turned serious for a moment, looking Roxy up and down. Roxy just blushed harder. “Well, I should lead, but you're taller so…”

She paused.

“Quite honestly, I'm not very good at this either.” She chuckles quietly, then slips her arms around Roxy’s waist. Roxy freezes. “Is this alright?”

“...Yeah. it's fine.” she swallows down a big ball of anxiety, but it just clings to her stomach instead. Her arms slip around Rose’s neck. Rose is smiling again and it sends shivers down Roxy’s spine. They start to sway, clumsy at first.

“Relax.” Rose mutters, smiling up at her “If you're too uncomfortable we can just stop.”

Roxy’s shoulders slump and she sighs. She tries to relax a little. “I'm fine.”

They're silent for a moment.

“Why dancing?”

“I like dancing. Is that so weird? I would have gotten Dave but he was being buried in praise and I didn't feel like digging him out.”

Rose is smiling at her. Roxy takes the opportunity to really take in how gorgeous the woman is. The most striking feature is her regal nose, long and straight, now with the slightest bump that just adds character and a bit of a rugged edge. Her eyes are angled upwards with thick lashes. The color of her eyes is stunning; a dark circle of violet on the outside, then the deepest purple possible and a ring of lavender around the pupils. Her eyebrows are dark and angled in, giving her an intense air. A well defined jaw, not quite enough to be called strong. Her hair is now carefully styled, rather than a complete mess. It frames her face. The strawberry blond color has strands of grey in places, and Roxy wonders if it's true that hardship makes people grey prematurely. But, eventually, Roxy gets lost on her lips, thin but defined, usually downturned. Her resting face points to anger and aloofness, but when she smiles, it's like the whole world lights up just for the person who was graced with it. Her teeth are perfectly straight, impossibly white. She's the most beautiful person Roxy has seen. God, she really has it bad.

Roxy looks away. She wants to step ever closer to Rose. But that would be weird and not at all platonic because this is a totally platonic dance and Rose simply doesn't see her like that.

Rose stops. Roxy looks up at her confused. The older woman has stopped smiling.

“Am I overstepping boundaries here?”

“What, no, it's… Not like that.” what's Roxy supposed to say? Hey, I got it bad for you, actually. I was totally fantasizing about kissing you just now. Wanna go back to my place and commit statutory rape.

The song stops.

That took a very dark turn and Roxy is feeling very guilty right now. Rose is staring at her weird.

“I just…” Roxy sighs, deflating “I'm glad we met each other, Rose.”

The smile returns to Rose’s face. She hesitates before stretching to kiss Roxy’s cheek. “I'm going home soon, but I need to say goodbye to some people before I leave. How about you go ahead and wait for me outside the hotel? I'll be there as soon as I can. We can go out for burgers or something, then we will get my car and go home.”

Roxy nods, trying not to think about Rose’s lips on her cheek. Rose grins at her and walks past her towards the stairs.

  
Roxy waits until she can no longer hear Rose’s footsteps to press her hand against her cheek.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> amaaaaazing grace  
> how sweet the sooooound  
> of fucKING SILENCE BECAUSE MY NEW COMPUTER IS MORE SILENT THAN A FUCKING NINJA
> 
> we now return you to your regularly scheduled updates
> 
> also this is my favorite chapter


	11. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I don't wanna go to any more...things.”
> 
> Rose nods solemnly.
> 
> “No more things. What things in particular?”
> 
> “Things with lots of rich people judging me.”
> 
> Rose’s shoulders slump. “Can I hug you?”
> 
> “No.”

There's something about Rose's face when she's asleep that bothers Roxy. Something in the way her jaw sets and her brows furrow, like she's stressed even when she's asleep. Rose doesn't need to bare her heart for Roxy to know there's something very wrong going on. Is it the ex she'd risk her life for? Her troubled and mysterious past? The fact Roxy hasn't done shit off what she asked her?

Just last night, Rose was happier than Roxy had ever seen her, filled with pride and joy. Now, she's hugging a throw pillow like her life depends on it. Roxy wishes there was anything she could do that would make everything okay

The limousine dropped them off at Dave's tailor. Then, they'd driven back to Rainbow Falls. It was six am when they got home.

Roxy is still in her dress. Rose changed into her pajamas as soon as she got home. there's still makeup smudged across her face. She fell asleep on the couch, after spending an hour talking to Roxy. It was the realest interaction they've ever had. No pretenses or complexes or anything. Roxy realizes, with a lingering feeling of guilt, that even after all this time, she still thought of Rose as an untouchable marble statue.

Rose, her mysterious benefactor. Rose Lalonde, reclusive author.

Roxy doesn't know what she thinks of her anymore. Last night was something.

Rose stirs and Roxy gets up before she's caught staring. She goes back to her room, and stares at herself in the mirror. Is this what Rose saw last night? ... She doesn't look that much like a kid. Maybe Rose didn't see her as one.

Her cheeks fluster and she glares at herself. Stupid. Stupid thoughts. what's the point of thinking about how Rose sees her. It's not like she can change anything. She doesn't even know if Rose really cares for her. She certainly hasn't said anything about it. As far as Roxy knows, she's just convenient. Just a stray cat brought in to make Rose feel better about herself. It would make sense, wouldn't it?

Why did the millionaire adopt a kid?

Because she was too lazy to take out her wallet and make a donation to some charity.

Why did the millionaire bring along some kid to a big shot movie premiere where all her friends and family were?

Because she wants to make them think she's perfectly okay and magnanimous and all grown up. That's it, isn't it? Rose doesn't care about her, she cares about the image of herself, taking in a poor unfortunate soul, oh, poor Roxy, poor abused Roxy, with the shitty parents and the dead best friend and everyone at school thinking she's a slut because rumors start from the smallest thing, and kids calling her a dyke in the halls and-

“Roxy?”

Rose’s voice is low and insecure. Roxy brings her arm up to wipe at her face. When did she start crying?

“M’okay.”

“No, you are not.” Rose steps closer. She's holding a box of cereal, which she leaves on the desk as she walks closer to Roxy. “You look upset.”

Her eyes gaze up and down Roxy, and she tries not to feel violated. How does Rose dare to look at her with so much care and concern after Roxy was thinking such mean things about her. The girl hiccups.

“Were you up all night?” Rose reaches to pat Roxy’s shoulder, and she flinches away. Rose’s hand drops to her side.

Roxy had slumbered on the couch with her, occasionally awakening when Rose shifted too harshly. She didn't wanna be too far away from her. Her arms wrap around herself and she shakes her head.

“I don't wanna go to any more...things.”

Rose nods solemnly.

“No more things. What things in particular?”

“Things with lots of rich people judging me.”

Rose’s shoulders slump. “Can I hug you?”

“No.”

“Okay. Come sit on the bed next to me.” Rose sits down, tentatively, and Roxy follows her example, sitting two feet away from her.

“I didn't ask you if you wanted to go.” Rose says, her voice quiet, almost not there “That was wrong of me. I'll be sure to question you in the future. It's okay if you say no. I want you to be comfortable.”

Roxy shakes her head, a sob escaping her. “Why?”

“Hm?”

“Why does it matter to you?”

Rose’s mouth opens and closes. She looks away. “I must have some interest in the well being of someone who lives with me.”

“Is that it?” Roxy says, desperation ringing in her voice. It's scratchy and shrill, like a creature trapped in a small hole.

“When I took you in, I took on a responsibility-”

“That's it?” Roxy turns to glare at her, tears streaming down her face. Her fingers are clutching the ruffles of her dress and she's avoiding the urge to rock back and forth “Responsibility? What, you don't wanna be on the news for killing a kid you illegally took in?”

Rose, for once, looks taken aback, her eyes widening and jaw going slack.

“What, no, Roxy, I…” Her expression softens and she looks down at herself. She swallows dry. “If you must know, I do care about you.”

“Because I'm a liability if I say anything to the pre-”

“Because I like you.”

There's silence. Both of them seem to be frozen in place. Roxy inhales.

“That must have been very hard for you to say.” There's a sarcastic edge to her voice, a touch of disbelief.

“It was.” Rose’s voice is nothing but regret and shame. She's quiet, barely breathing. She looks like she wishes she wasn’t here at all.

Roxy realizes her whole body is tensed up and she forces herself to relax. Shakes her arms, her fingers pained from clenching fabric between them. They sit in silence for a moment.

“I can’t write anything.” Roxy says, looking towards the door to avoid Rose’s eyes “I try and I try but nothing comes out and- I'm so afraid of disappointing you.” She pauses to sniffle. She sees Rose finally glance up at her out of the corner of her eye. there's tears and snot all over Roxy’s face, splotchy redness covering her. The remnants of her makeup are trailing down her cheeks. “I don't wanna leave. I'm finally happy somewhere and- I don't wanna leave.”

Rose sighs. “Can I hug you now?”

Roxy hesitates before nodding. Rose’s arms wrap around her and she pulls her close. Roxy presses her face into Rose’s shoulder, sobbing softly. She smells, appropriately enough, like roses and a hint of smoke. Less like tobacco and more like the smell of a fireplace during winter. Her pajamas are silk, soft against Roxy’s cheek, and Rose is just a bit cooler than expected. The cool skin of her chin is pressed against Roxy’s flushed forehead. Roxy wishes she could just stay here forever and never have to deal with anything else again.

“You don't have to go anywhere.” Rose’s voice is so smooth and low. Roxy wonders if she has a nice singing voice. “This is your home. I promise. I didn't take the decision to take you in lightly; at no point did I think to kick you out if you didn't perform as expected.”

Rose sighs again. Her arms tighten around her. “There was something about you that drew me to you. It wasn’t just the fact you wrote. Many kids write and I can’t adopt all of them.” She pauses “Are you superstitious?”

Roxy shifts, then shakes her head. Rose scoffs.

“Don't think I've lost it from spending so much time alone in the woods, but when we first met, the very first time I saw you, it was like I was the only person who knew you were there, who could see you. It was, almost, shall I say, magic.”

Roxy snorts in laughter. “Just like in your wizard stories.”

“Just like in my wizards stories.” Rose shifts closer, then shifts away again “I'm sorry if I led you to believe otherwise. On the subject of me caring about you, that is. It's not a subject that comes easy to me.”

Her hand is rubbing little circles on Roxy’s back.

“I didn't tell Dave I was proud of him.” Rose continues “Instead, I went off and I danced in a pool. I'm not the most logical of beings at times. Rather, I don't act logically about emotion, which is… You understand. The point being, this wasn’t the first time I've failed to inform someone I actually do care about them. That mistake has cost me greatly in the past, several times. Yet, I keep repeating it. Perhaps you could warn me about it, like you warn me about not starving myself while chained to my computer.”

“You suck.”

“I do suck. But I promise I'll try to be better to you. Now, no more fretting over writing. I do that enough for the both of us. You don't need to be so critical of yourself, especially when you're so young and there's nothing at risk. Because, there really isn't. You can think of me as your safety net, rather than your prison warden.”

Roxy pulls back, face still splotchy with red marks. Nevertheless, she smiles.

“Thank you.”

Rose smiles back, and it's beautiful. For a moment, Roxy thinks back to yesterday. Regal nose, long and straight, with the slightest bump. a bit of a rugged edge. Angled upward eyes with thick lashes. Stunning violet eyes. Dark, intense brows. Well defined jaw. Strawberry blond hair, graying early, hinting at some tragedy or another. Thin but defined lips, and the most beautiful smile in the world.

Roxy thinks she might be in love. The thought is disarming, and her expression must betray her, because Rose is looking worried again. Roxy shakes her head and smiles.

“Fine, I'm fine. I have to change out of this dress, I just realized how tight it's and…” She thinks she sees Rose’s cheeks tint ever so slightly but it might be her lovestruck head playing tricks on her. “Anyway.”

Roxy jumps up and motions towards the door.

“Get the hell out of my room. You were very, very sweet, and I feel much better, but, seriously, I think I'm losing circulation to my thighs. Please.”

Rose’s eyebrows tilt up in confusion, but she smiles nevertheless, then gets up and leaves. She closes the door behind her. How nice of her.

Roxy throws herself into the bed and grabs her pillow to scream into it. She's so gay. She's so very, very gay, and she's not even actually fully gay, what the fuck, Rose needs to stop. Roxy sits up suddenly, gasping for air. Okay, that was intense and she's really feeling it now. She flops back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

Okay. Okay, Rose cares about her.

Rose likes her.

Rose Lalonde, aloofness personified, admitted to care about her. Roxy actually has to hold in a squeal. This is bad. This is very bad.

Nurse, we got a code Red, red in the sense that Roxy’s cheeks are never gonna turn back a normal color after this. Gosh, Rose smelled so good, what the hell is that perfume. Who makes perfume that smells like burning wood. Or did Rose have a bonfire in her silk pajamas?

Roxy rolls over and presses her face against the wall, trying to cool herself down. Rose is probably expecting her. She has to get out of this dress and into something more comfortable.

Nope, dammit, that wasn’t on purpose. She's not getting into something more comfortable, she's getting into something more comfortable, like a t-shirt. With a groan, she drags herself off bed and towards the closet. She slips out of her dress, letting it fall down, then throws her underwear at the corner. When she finally leaves the room, she's dressed in a pink cat shirt and a pleated skirt. She looks cute. Super cute. Cute enough to make Rose look at her, possibly.

Dammit. She has to stop thinking about this. It's actually hard to drag herself down the stairs. She's so emotionally exhausted she just wants to crawl into bed and pretend she doesn't exist and- Think about Rose a little. Just a little.

Dammit.

When she returns downstairs, Rose is rummaging for food, seemingly unaware that she left her box of Froot Loops on Roxy's desk.

"You let me sleep to four in the afternoon." Rose whines, sticking her head out of the fridge.

"I haven’t been up for that long either." Roxy's voice is scratchy from crying. She sits down at the kitchen table, and rests her head on her arms.

"Do you want me to try and make you breakfast?"

Roxy looks back at her in horror. Rose is holding a box of pop tarts. The look of horror across Roxy's face doesn't fade.

"What. It's like five minutes in the toaster, i got this."

"Three. Three minutes."

"Three minutes. I got this." Rose heads over to the toaster and pops two pastries in. Roxy has returned to resting her head on her arms with a sigh. Rose walks to her and awkwardly pats her head. The gesture is silly but appreciated. When the pop tarts are done, they move to the couch. One end of Roxy's poptart is burnt, the other is cold. She's seriously considering that Rose has some sort of curse on her. This shouldn't be possible.

Rose is staring intently at her laptop, pop tart hanging out of her mouth. Roxy turns away to get her tablet off the end table. She has messages from Jake, Dirk and Jane, but she ignores them for now. She doesn't even do anything. She just wants to look busy. Tentatively, as if she's not even paying attention, she leans over and rests against Rose. Rose shifts to look at her. The corners of her mouth quirk into a smirk before she returns to whatever she doing. Glancing over, Roxy catches a peek of a pesterchum window, lavender and red spread across it. Rose's pesterchum theme is purple, black and tentacled.

This is nice, Roxy thinks. it's an entirely different world from earlier today. For once, she feels relaxed and happy. The close contact with Rose is making her cheeks slightly flushed. She dicks around on the internet, roleplaying and watching random videos. Rose doesn't move away and neither does she. it's almost eight when the doorbell rings. Rose sighs and shifts in place.

"It's the doorbell."

"I’m aware, Roxy, but not once has that been a good omen."

Roxy rolls her eyes and gets up. "It's because you're antisocial and you only like me."

"True."

Roxy is blushing and grinning when she gets to the door. She opens it expecting Dave, or maybe Jade.

"Get the hell out of my way, I have to talk to this good for nothing ass sucking piece of byronic shit!" Roxy has to jump aside to avoid being pushed away by the short, angry black guy from the dinner party. Rose scrambles to her feet, eyes wide and mouth agape.

"Hey, you can't just-"

"Lalonde, tell your girlfriend to shut the fuck up, before I do it myself," Roxy's protests are cut short "and you should know there doesn't have to be any more casualties today."

"She's not my-Karkat, I can explain."

"Explain? EXPLAIN? You've been giving me excuses for three years, I'm done with your explanations! I thought you were locked up working like you told me, but instead you're fucking around in parties and cavorting with women!" He sticks a finger towards Roxy, then turns around, his face going from totally pissed to apologetic "Excuse me for barging in, I'm Karkat Vantas, Lalon- Rose's editor. I promise I'll give her back to you in one piece, but first..."

He turns back to Rose suddenly, making her jump. "What the fuck are you thinking, this isn't college! Jade's not bailing your fat ass out this thing, you hear me, Lalonde? Where’s the manuscript?"

"What manuscript?" Rose's face falls, horror spreading through her "Wait, no, I know what you mean, don-"

"That shitty fucking manuscript about the runaway twerp you piece of old stale gum!"

There's silence. Rose's eyes shift from Karkat to Roxy. Roxy isn't breathing, her eyes wide. Karkat's face fades from anger to confusion and he looks between the two of them. "Err. Ladies?"

Roxy takes in a deep breath.

"You..." She sobs "You lying, conniving, heartless bitch!"

Karkat visibly winces. Rose's shoulders drop.

“It's not what you think it's, Roxy, I mean-”

“It's not what I think it's? Then what the hell is it?!”

Karkat clears his throat and loosens his tie. “Maybe I should… Come back another time.”

“Okay, yes,” Rose steps closer to Roxy “that, this book, it's part of the reason why I became interested in you, but it isn’t like-”

“It's not like what? It's not like you lied straight to my face? Like you didn't try to profit off my miserable life!” She steps back and throws her hands in the air, before her fingers curl into fists and drop by her sides, shoulders stiffening “What else was a lie? Do you even care about my writing? Is that why it doesn't matter to you what I do?”

“Of course I care, I told you-”

Roxy darts towards her, by all intents and purposes looking like she's almost to pummel Rose out of existence. Karkat shrieks and steps between her, eyes wide and panicked, as Roxy’s hands reach out to grab Rose’s collar. Rose doesn't even try to defend herself.

“Stop it!” Karkat squeaks “She's very tiny and you're hurting her!”

Roxy steps away, angrily wiping at her eyes, while Karkat breathes a sigh of relief.

“What does it matter what you told me? You already lied once, what's one more time?” Her eyebrows tilted up and she inhaled sharply. Tears started beading in her eyes. “Were you ever gonna tell me? Were you just.. Waiting for me to…” she sniffles “Open up to you? And, shit, I almost did. I wanted to tell you everything and you… You were gonna…”

Rose shakes her head. “No. No, it's not like that. I wouldn't-”

“But you were!” Roxy’s voice raises to a shrill scream “That's why you even helped me in the first place! I knew it, I knew you'd to have second intentions, but I trusted you!”

Roxy’s arms wrap around herself and her head drops. Fat tears drip on the floor. “I trusted you.”

She turns away and runs upstairs. The last thing she hears is Karkat’s confused whispers. The door slams behind her and Roxy throws herself on the bed, clutching her pillow against her face. And to think, the last time she was in this position, she was gushing about Rose. Rose with her stupid pretty face and her kind words. Of course she'd turn out to be using her after all. This was too good to be true from the start.

Roxy can’t breath. She's sobbing hard, but no air is going down her lungs. Her throat is closing up and her head is pounding. Panic flares inside her like an explosion, burning from her chest to her limbs. Roxy screams into the pillow.

It must be twenty minutes before she can gather her thoughts again. She pulls away from the pillow, covered in tears, snot, spit and sweat. It's not pretty. People don't cry pretty, Roxy reminds herself. There's no carefully planned romantic arc in her life. Rose is certainly no prince in shining armor. What's she supposed to do now?

Roxy gets up and heads for the closet. She grabs her backpack off the floor and empties it out. there's nothing but candy wrappers and loose writing paper in there anyway, along with a pencil that falls on the floor with a tap, then rolls under the bed. She stuffs the backpack with clothes, her cellphone and charger, books and pencils, all the money she has on hand. it's enough to last her two months with careful planning.

Something rolls out and hits her foot. it's a half full bottle. Roxy had forgotten about the bottles. there's still two and this half filled one. Roxy hesitates, the familiar feeling of guilt flaring up inside her again.

Her head goes swimming again when she remembers this is all Rose’s money, tainted by her ill intentions. She has to sit down. Every kind act, every word exchanged, everything between them is ruined.

Rose lied to her, but Roxy did so to. Or, at least, she omitted information. Neither of them acted correctly with each other. But, the difference, in Roxy’s head, is that their entire relationship was based on Rose’s lies. Still, she can’t but wonder what Rose would think of this.

She shakes her head, pulls on her coat and drags her backpack to the stairs. Maybe she can sneak out without being noticed. When she sneaks down the stairs, she can see Karkat’s hair above the couch. Rose is in the short end of it, her face hiding in her hands. Karkat is talking low enough that Roxy can’t understand him. Roxy sneaks around the back of the stairs, tip toeing into the kitchen, then opens the back door. It always closes with a loud snap. Roxy leaves it open.

She puts on her backpack and sprints out, hoping to put as much distance between her and the house as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is also my favorite chapter
> 
> mwahaha.


	12. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey.”
> 
> “Go away.”
> 
> “Roxy, please-”
> 
> “Why are you following me, you creep?”

It should only be, what, two more hours before she reached the main road? Maybe an hour if Roxy picks up speed. It is with a regretful sigh that Roxy realizes she should have brought a flashlight. She'd turned off reception on her phone because Rose kept calling her, and is now using it as a makeshift lamp. It isn’t working. Roxy can barely see three feet in front of her and she'd already tripped on a stray root. Her ankle is swollen and her knee is bleeding down her leg. Her face is scuffed up from low hanging tree branches. She thinks she has a twig in her hair.

This was a stupid idea. But what choices did she have? It wasn’t as if she could just ask Rose to get her the fuck out of there. Because she'd say no. And then what would she do? Stay there with that harpy of a woman?

And to think, she actually has feelings for her. Had. Had feelings.

Roxy stops walking to wipe at her eyes. Stupid. Her legs are killing her, her back hurts, and she wishes she didn't just spend like 5 months getting pampered. She's lost her tough girl edge, goddammit.

She finally makes it out of the thick cluster of trees, and into a side road. Without all those trees directly above, the road was actually pretty brightly lit by the full moon. It was almost nice, if Roxy wasn’t still terrified.

What if a crazy axe murderer showed up? What if the police caught her? What if a mountain lion jumped out of the trees?

Well, mountain lions are supposedly extinct in the east coast. A bear, then. Are there bears in the Adirondacks? How about an especially large owl?

Roxy is exhausted, and hurting, and cold. She'd give anything for someone to help her out right now.

The familiar sound of an SUV starts fading in from the distance. Roxy closes her eyes and lets out a weary sigh. No, not that someone. She keeps walking.

Rose slows down when she sees Roxy. By the time she reaches her, she's on par with her walking speed.

“Hey.”

“Go away.”

“Roxy, please-”

“Why are you following me, you creep?”

Rose’s shoulders slump. She throws one arm out the car and pokes her head out, the other arm keeping the steering wheel in place. “Look, you walked out into the middle of the forest. It was either this or the park rangers.”

Roxy throws her an accusatory glance. “I thought you liked tragic endings. If something happens to me you can always write it in.”

Rose just looks frustrated for a moment. “Come on, Roxy, you know I didn't mean to hurt you.”

“Well, you hurt me anyway.”

The car stops. Roxy doesn't, even as her legs burn. She hears the car door open and Rose step out.

“At least let me take you somewhere where you'll be safe.”

“I'm not going back to the house.”

“I don't mean taking you back, I mean…” she sighs “Will you please look at me?”

If Roxy stops, turns around, and looks at Rose, she's gonna cry. She's gonna straight up break down crying in the middle of the road. She loves her so much and now she's just feeling betrayed. Like her trust was abused.

She stops, fists shaking by her sides. Rose stops walking as well.

“When I said you were one of the best things in my life, I wasn’t exaggerating.”

The car crash, the bottles, dancing together, Karkat showing up and opening his big fucking mouth. There's so many emotions swirling around Roxy’s mind.

“What am I supposed to do, Rose?” Roxy sobs, reaching up to wipe at her eyes “I… I trusted you, and you were lying all this time.”

“I wasn’t lying, I just…” Rose went quiet for a moment “I didn't entirely tell you the truth. I just, I thought you would never find out, so-”

“So you were never gonna tell me?” She spins around, tears rolling down her cheeks. She's visibly trembling. Rose’s eyebrows tilt up and her mouth opens as if she's gonna say something, but she doesn't. She just swallows dry and looks away.

“I don't know, Roxy. I didn't, I never meant to hurt you. If I knew you were gonna be this upset-”

“Then you would have told me? Or you would have made sure that I would never find out?”

Rose doesn't respond. She just shakes her head.

“I don't know. What would you prefer? Would you prefer to hear I lied from my mouth, or would you rather remain blissfully ignorant?”

Roxy’s eyes widen and her gaze falls to the road.

“I would have prefered if you hadn't lied to me in the first place.” She mutters “Don't act like this isn't your fault.”

Rose sighs.

“Roxy. Please.” There's a note of helplessness in her voice. it's just slightly higher pitched, just slightly trembling. “don't leave.”

Roxy swallows dry. She pats at her face, trying to wipe the tears away. Just earlier today she was sobbing into Rose’s arms. She's starting to wonder if it would have been best to have never found out about this.

“I can’t stay with you.” she whimpers, tremblings arms wrapping around herself and head down low to block the view of Rose. “I don't know what I'm gonna feel like about this tomorrow, or next week, but right now, I can’t. Just, drive me back to New York, leave me at Jade’s or Dave’s or whatever, but… I can’t stay with you.”

  
Rose doesn't respond. She just returns to the car and sits down, staring blankly ahead. After a moment, Roxy joins her in the car. They drive to Jade’s without another word.


	13. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So,” Roxy flinches at the sound of Jade’s voice “What did my idiot granddaughter do this time?”
> 
> Roxy looks up at her with wide eyes, her shoulders slumping out of their raised, protective position. Jade sighs and takes off her glasses to start polishing them. Roxy can’t help but notice how much older than usual she looks. She looks so tired.

Roxy stares at her cup of tea like it holds the secrets to the universe. Rose left hardly having said a word to Jade.

Jade’s house is a mansion, not like Rose’s, but something older and more impressive. Roxy wonders how many houses she owns, considering how often she's out of the country. The place certainly doesn't look like it's been sitting abandoned for a while. Everything is new and shiny.

Rose didn't explain much to Jade before she left. Roxy doesn't wanna be the one who says it all. Where does she even begin? She loves Rose so much, it's unbearable to think about how betrayed she feels. How does she put it into words? To her adopted grandmother’s face, worst of all?

“So,” Roxy flinches at the sound of Jade’s voice “What did my idiot granddaughter do this time?”

Roxy looks up at her with wide eyes, her shoulders slumping out of their raised, protective position. Jade sighs and takes off her glasses to start polishing them. Roxy can’t help but notice how much older than usual she looks. She looks so tired.

“Don't give me that surprised look.” She says, putting her glasses back on “I'm well aware that Rose can be quite the jerk. I had hoped that with age, and the fact that she genuinely likes you, she'd have mellowed out somewhat. God knows that girl has been through enough that she should know better than to put up her little thorned walls.”

Roxy shakes her head. “It wasn’t like that.”

“Oh?”

Roxy returns her gaze to her tea, fingers playing with the edge of the cloth that's spread over the table. “This is a nice tablecloth.”

“Thank you, honey. It's batik.”

“...She lied to me.”

“Huh.”

“Actually,” Roxy raises one hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear “it was more like she omitted information.”

“Ah. About what?”

Roxy’s hand slipped from her hair to rub at her eyes. “She's… She's writing a book. And… She was only interested in me because I was good research.”

Jade says nothing. When Roxy looks up at her, she looks severe, her jaw set and brows furrowed, but her expression softens and she nods. Roxy carries on.

“I mean, she's saying there's other reasons why she got interested in me, but… She was just using me anyway, and…”

“She told you she was using you?”

“No. Her editor did.”

“Karkat? Where did Karkat come from?”

“Uhm… He showed up at the house because he was pissed over Rose being at the afterparty and not writing? I guess? He, uh....” She blushes ever so slightly “He thought I was Rose’s girlfriend and he starts screaming about the novel, and, it just slips out…”

“She didn't tell you.”

“No.”

“Would have prefered to hear it from her mouth?”

“...Yeah. I would have been hurt either way, but, at least then I could trust her.”

Jade nods. “Aren’t you rather brave?”

“Huh?” Roxy looks up at her, confused.

“For many people, staying in the dark would be their preference.” Jade props her head up on her palm, looking over Roxy with attentive eyes, no longer looking like the Jade Roxy knows. there's no peppiness here. “You prefer the truth over comfort.”

Jade’s eyes move from Roxy’s face to the wall behind her “I think Rose would be the opposite. It hasn’t always been like this. But, now? after all she's gone through, the dark is safer.” Jade shakes her head softly.

“...Are you calling Rose a coward?”

“No. Of course not.” Jade reaches behind her glasses to rub at her eyes. “Her courage has simply been distributed differently. Courage, much like everything else in life, is something you have a limited quantity of. I had assumed that you, having gone through so much already, would have been running low as well.” She waves it off and shakes her head again “It’s all about what you value the most. But, then again, I suppose you never had a choice in this matter. If you had, things might have turned out differently.”

Roxy sips at her tea, unsure of what she can say.

Jade sighs. “You can stay here as long as you want, Roxy. I know you might not believe me, because we haven’t known each other for that long, but you’ve quickly become family to me as well.”

Roxy looks up at her again, a few tears streaming down her cheek. “...You mean that?”

“What, did you think I would just disown you and refuse to be in your company because my granddaughter is a fucking idiot?” Jade reaches over to wrap one arm around her shoulders and pull her into a hug. One hand reaches up to wipe her eyes. “Besides, even if it was your fault, I like you. I'm here as long as you need me.”

Roxy nods, trying to hold back a sob. “T-thank you.”

Jade gets up and pats her head. “Now, drink your tea. I'm gonna set up one of the bedrooms for you. Rose can bring you your stuff. I'm sure she's feeling guilty enough that she'll bend over backwards to try and make things right.”

Roxy doesn't respond, simply sipping at her tea. Jade is about to leave the kitchen when she pauses.

“Roxy?”

“Yeah?” Roxy turns back to look at her, rubbing at her eyes again. She must look like hell. There's still twigs in her hair and her eyes are all red from crying.

“I know you're hurt, but perhaps this has been for the best.” Jade smiles softly “Perhaps some time alone for you and Rose both is what you two need.”

Roxy’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. Jade couldn't possibly know about her feelings for Rose… Could she?

“Anyway, I'm gonna make your bed. I'm sure you're very tired. I'll find you some of Jake’s old clothes as well, so you have something clean to slip into when you finish showering.”

Roxy nods, returning her attention to her tea. Her mind is awash with thoughts of Rose. Is she gonna be alright? She's all alone, in the house, and upset to boot. Suddenly, Roxy is glad she brought the alcohol bottles with her. She doesn't think she could bear it if Rose relapsed due to her. Plus, now, she won’t have to trick Jake into getting alcohol for her.

“Roxy?” Speak of the devil. Roxy clutches at her mug, hoping she's not really hearing him and that he's just gonna disappear. “What’s wrong? Did something happen? Is Rose okay?”

Roxy sighs and lets her head fall forward, collapsing against the table with a dull thud. “Yeah, Rose is okay, too bad she's a fucking jerk.”

“Oh.” He sits down beside her, clad in nothing but pajama pants. Goddamn, the boy has abs from here to California. Thank you god, Roxy needed the cheering up. “I'm sorry. Are you okay?”

Roxy thinks for a moment before shrugging. “I don't know. Grandma said I could stay here as long as I liked and I think I'm gonna take her up on her offer.”

Jake nods thoughtfully. “That’s good. Tell me if you need anything, okay?”

Roxy smiles up at him, she genuinely smiles. “Of course.”

Jade calls out to her to say her bed is made and the shower is running. Roxy drags herself upstairs and into the room. It has it's own private bathroom. Roxy supposes she no longer has to walk around loudly bitching while Rose takes hour long showers in the morning. Something tugs at her heart.

She steps into the shower and lets the warm water rush over her. Her mind is still on Rose. What if the woman hurts herself because of guilt? Roxy’s shoulders slump and she lets herself slide over, shoulder hitting the tile. Her head rests against the wall and she closes her eyes. She's so hurt but she's still worried about Rose. Ridiculous.

When she finally leaves the shower, she dries herself off and pulls on the clothing Jade has set aside for her. The pants are just right, and the shirt is a little loose. Everything is too green, but it's not like she's gonna complain. She drags herself under the covers, hair still damp.

She doesn't fall asleep for hours. She doesn't remember falling asleep. When she wakes up, the sun is hitting her eyes and it takes her a moment to remember where she's. She rolls out of bed and forces herself to go downstairs and face Jade.

Jade smiles at her when she enters the kitchen. She's working on something, papers spread all over the table. “I kept you some pancakes from breakfast. Just reheat them and you can eat in the living room, since, well, you really can’t do anything in here.”

“What time is it?”

“Around 3. Quarter past 3, actually.” She says, doing a quick check of her watch. “How did you sleep.”

“Terribly.” Roxy takes the pancakes off the counter and puts them in the microwave. She wants to know if Rose even bothered calling to know how she was.

“Hey, when you're done eating, I wanna talk to you, alright?”

Roxy’s heart sinks. What could Jade possibly want from her? Maybe she's gonna kick her out after all. She sits around the living room, her pancakes tasting like cardboard and trying to make them last as long as possible. It doesn't work. Eventually, Jade walks into the room, arms full of papers and binders.

  
“What, is my cooking so bad?” She grins at her and Roxy finds her worries settling just a tad. Jade wouldn’t be so relaxed if she was gonna kick her out, would she?”

“I'm not very hungry.” Roxy says. She sets the plate down on the coffee table. It’s not like she's lying. Jade puts her things away then sits beside her.

“Roxy, Rose has been gushing about how brilliant you're from the first day I knew about you.” Jade reaches over to set her hand on Roxy’s. “Is this okay?” Roxy nods “So, I've been wondering… I understand you had to drop out of highschool because of your situation. But, given you're so bright and you obviously enjoy learning, well… What I'm trying to ask is, would you like to go back to school?”

Roxy is silent and still as she looks her over. For a moment, she thinks it's some sort of joke, but Jade looks dead serious.

“...I can’t just go back to school.” Roxy mutters “I'm a missing child case. People might find out, and then-”

“It’s just for a year. Besides, I know people. I can pull some strings. You’ve already been passing as Rose’s sister, haven’t you?” Jade smirks “I'm not on the government terrorism watch list for making pancakes, you know?”

Roxy’s shoulders raise and she tucks her head in “I don't know, I missed a lot of years, and I don't wanna be 17 and stuck with a bunch of 14 year olds, and I dunno if I can study enough to make the equivalence exams and-” She sits upright suddenly, eyes wide and shocked “Wait, you're on what?!”

“I'm sure you can do it, Roxy” Jade says, obviously ignoring Roxy’s shocked outburst “From what Rose has told me, and believe me, when I say gushing, I mean gushing, you're brilliant. Let’s at least try it, alright?”

Roxy relaxes against the couch and nods. “Okay. Yeah. I can try.”

“Good.” Jade reaches up to fuss over her hair “Now, let's get your mind out of things. How does a movie sound?”

“Fine. Sounds fine.” Roxy stares vacantly at the turned off television in front of her, thoughts swimming in her head. Rose gushes about her. Roxy isn’t sure what to think anymore.  
  



	14. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dirk sprints into the living room with a force of a thousand gazelles, only to have Roxy collide with him from the back. Roxy is about to protest when her eyes widen and her jaw hangs slack.
> 
> Rose clears her throat and looks away, a sheepish Dave trying to step in front of her.
> 
> "We were gonna call, but, uh..." Dave's voice tapers off and he rubs the back of his head.
> 
> "It's alright." Roxy mutters, gaze falling to the floor, not fast enough to avoid seeing Rose look up at her. "Can we just have dinner without any drama?" she says, shifting in place.

“And now I'm gonna flunk chemistry.” Jane sighs, propping her head up on her palm. “Unless, you know, someone helps me.”

“Let me think about it.” Roxy slurps up her smoothie for a moment. “...Naaaah.”

“Oh, Roxy, come on!” Jane huffs, her cheeks matching her red rimmed glasses.

“Naaaaaahh….”

"I'll help you, Jane." Dirk adjusts his shades as he leans back on his chair, not look nearly as cool as he thinks he does. "Unlike some of us, I enjoy being of use to society in general."

"Which is why you've been staying at home doing nothing for two years?" Roxy quirks a brow at him. He clears his throat. Jake muffles a giggle with his hand.

"Hey, I've been trying to find my path, alright? My meaning of life, my-"

"Yeah, yeah." Roxy waves him off and continues to slurp up her smoothie, to Dirk's offense and shock. He daintily brings a hand to his chest.

"Gosh, you two are so different." Jane giggle, twirling her straw between her fingers.

"Yeah, it's like we're not even related at -Ow!"

Jane looks over at him with worry in her eyes. "Are you alright, Dirk?"

"Yeah, yeah, I just... Kicked the table." He looks over at Roxy, who narrows her eyes. "The table's such a bitch, right."

"Well, ladies and gent," Jake gets up, dusting his clothes of nonexistent dust "I believe it's time for us to get going. Grandma did mention she wanted us on the dinner table on time. She's making meatloaf, you know?"

Roxy and Dirk jump to their feet, spurred on by promises of meatloaf and gravy soaked mashed potatoes, while Jane takes a little longer to get up. They walk down the street together.

"You must miss travelling so much, Jake." Jane looks up at him with eyes filled with curiosity. Jake looks thoughtful for a moment.

"Well, I've always loved travelling, but it's just as good to be home. Isn't it, Roxy?"

Roxy is trying to get the last slivers of her drink. She looks back at Jake, carefully measuring her words. Would she call Jade's house home? After nearly six months, her room looks like hers, and she has a routine in place. She goes to school, hangs out with her friends, then goes back to Jade's for dinner. She plays videogames and fucks around online. She hasn't written anything proper in months and she's not sure if she wants to.

Rose is still living in the woods, all alone. Last time anyone checked, she was fine. Roxy has to wonder if that's true.

"Yeah. Great to be home." Roxy says, playing with the ice in her empty cup.

"Besides, I've always had a liking to New York. Especially that sky line." He looks around. "Did you know dropping a penny off the empire state building might kill someone?"

"Bullshit." Dirk says. He throws his empty cup over his shoulder and it hits the trash can perfectly.

"Yeah, bullshit." Roxy repeats "The terminal velocity of a penny falling would never accelerate it to a point where the impact would cause any real damage. At worst, it would sting."

Jake huffs, while Jane tries to muffle laughter, quickly going red in the face.

Jane leaves to meet her dad and the other three say their goodbyes, walking over to Jake's car. They drive home in the familiar silence that comes from being so comfortable with each other. It's starting to get chilly and the heater is on.

"So." Jake says, looking towards Roxy in the passenger seat. "Your birthday is coming up."

"Yeah." Roxy sits up straighter, trying not to look directly at him. She'd almost forgotten. It wasn't as if she ever did anything special for her birthday. Plus, it coincided with Rose's.

"Man, that's way too many birthdays in December." Jake laughs, utterly unknowing of Roxy's thoughts "Having to find gifts for everyone is a drag."

"I've been thinking." Dirk says, looking up from his cellphone "I want a hot tub."

"Oh, please, what would you even do with a hot tub?"

"Well, invite you over, obviously."

"That actually sounds kind of nice." Jake takes one hand off the steering wheel to thoughtfully stroke his chin and Roxy cringes "A pair of bros taking a long and hot dip in the water. Maybe some bubbles."

Roxy and Dirk exchange glances. Roxy reaches over to pat Jake’s shoulder "Yeah, big man, how about you focus on driving. You can think about your quasi-slash manbro adventures without using your hands. Hopefully."

"My quasi-what?"

"Ignore her, Jake."

The car is parked next to Jade's jeep and the three of them walk up to the house. Rather, they race there, with Dirk the sore loser who's now, by all intents and purposes, a gross, gooey, stinky rotten egg.

The race continues inside, until Jade calls out to them to stop ruining her freshly clean floors, they're tracking mud all over the place. Dirk, being the gross, gooey, stinky rotten egg, has to contend with the fact that he's the one who has to clean it up.

“You know.” Jade says, looking back at Roxy before she can make her daring escape. “You and Dirk both should be thinking about college. It’s high past due applying.”

“Come on, nan.” Roxy says, rolling her eyes “I didn't even know I was gonna finish high school. Gimme a break.”

“Alright, alright.” Jade throws Dirk a look as he drags the mop out of the pantry “And what’s your excuse?”

“Soul searching.” He states.

“You know where you two should apply?”

“McDonald’s?” Roxy says, quirking a brow.

“The MIT.”

“The MIT?” Roxy’s eyebrows raise and she leans against the door frame.

“Yes, the Massachu-”

“I'm aware of what the MIT is, nan, but I don't think i would make it. Sure, Dirk can, but, I didn't even do three years of high school.”

“Shush, you. Everything’s possible if you put your mind to it. You’re already taking a load of AP classes.”

“I would need teacher recommendations-”

“I'll write you a recommendation myself.”

“Teachers who’ve actually taught me.”

“I've taught you life skills.”

Roxy looks back at Dirk, who shrugs “She has a point.”

“At least tell me you’ll think about it.” Jade looks back at her, a bit of mashed potatoes forgotten on her cheek. Roxy pauses for a moment.

“Fine, I'll think about it.” She turns around and heads for the stairs “Have fun cleaning, janitor boy.”

By the time he gets upstairs, Roxy is curled up in her bed with her laptop and a blanket, while Jake is idly playing videogames.

"Holy fucking shit, how are you not cold." Dirk says, eyeing Jake's shorts.

"Power of will, Dirky-boy."

"One, that's ridiculous, two, never call me Dirky-boy."

"Beef Dirky."

"Don't you fucking start with me, Roxy No-Last-Name-Provided. Or, should that be Roxy Lalonde?"

The room goes quiet all of a sudden. Even Jake's game seems to have quieted down, especially as he stops moving, even if he's not looking back at the other two.

"I needed a name. Why, did you prefer Strider?" She scoffs, eyes trained on the laptop screen. "What kind of a name even is that? That's not a name, that's a... A denomination. Dirk Who Strides."

He rolls his eyes and plops down next to her on the king sized bed. Roxy tries to push him off with her foot. Jake clears his throat and gets up. "I'm gonna help grandma with dinner." He disappears into the hallway.

"See, Miss Lalonde, you made things awkward."

"Shut up."

He tries to peer into her screen but she tilts the laptop away.

"Watcha doin'?"

"Roleplaying."

"You know, my sister used to do that. You might wanna be careful, after all, what if you run into her."

"It's anonymous."

"That just makes it worse. What if you deduce it's her and then you're faced with a moral question?"

Roxy laughs out loud. "Please, as if that would ever happen. My life isn't some shitty comedy fanfic. Things don't just happen because it would be the most dramatic, hilarious thing possible."

He shrugs "Hey, you never know."

The downstairs door opens and Roxy's slips down with a groan. "I don't wanna go down for dinner."

"No, you just wanna go down on my sister."

Dirk sprints into the living room with a force of a thousand gazelles, only to have Roxy collide with him from the back. Roxy is about to protest when her eyes widen and her jaw hangs slack.

Rose clears her throat and looks away, a sheepish Dave trying to step in front of her.

"We were gonna call, but, uh..." Dave's voice tapers off and he rubs the back of his head.

"It's alright." Roxy mutters, gaze falling to the floor, not fast enough to avoid seeing Rose look up at her. "Can we just have dinner without any drama?" she says, shifting in place.

"Yes, that's exactly what's going happen." Jade walks into the dining room with a tray full of meatloaf. "We're all adults here, or, nearly adults. We're gonna have a nice family dinner, without drama." She gives Rose a look. Rose shrugs, eyes widening and lips parting to ask why she's the one being targeted, but the look on Jade's face is enough to make her go silent and swallow dry.

The six of them sit around the dining table, trying not to look directly at each other.

"I was, in town." Rose says, barely pausing. Her eyes are set around the empty plate in front of her "Meeting with Karkat, and, my agent as well." She glances over at Roxy, but Roxy is focused on playing with her silverware.

"That's good. How's writing?" Jade asks, a smile on her face as she serves Rose a heaping plate of mashed potatoes and meatloaf before the woman can protest.

"Writing's... Decent." she mutters, pushing around mashed potatoes on her place to make room for the gravy she probably promised herself she wouldn't eat.

"Decent's good, right? Better than not at all." Roxy's plate is significantly loaded up as well. She starts eating but it tastes like cardboard, nothing like what she's used from Jade. It takes her a moment to ascertain that it's her own problems getting in the way of enjoying a good meal, as nobody else seems to have any problem filling themselves up with food. Jake looks like he's hoarding meat and potatoes in his cheeks for the oncoming apocalypse.

It's like Rose's presence has upset the delicate balance necessary for their family dinners to be jovial and pleasant. Dirk and Jake don't dare upset Roxy so they remain silent, Dave's banter material might hit too close to home so he'd rather eat, and Jade's attempts to make conversation fall into deaf ears.

Roxy can't help but wonder how Rose feels about it. She has to know it's her fault. It almost makes Roxy feel bad, but she's too hurt to care. Maybe if Rose wasn't such a betraying, conniving, lying jerk she wouldn't feel so terrible.

Dirk elbows Roxy and she discreetly reaches up to wipe her wettening eyes. Rose squirms in her seat. A spark of guilt flares up in Roxy's stomach.

Should she really be happy over Rose being upset?

Of course not. And she's not. She's just bitter and lonely. She almost wants to apologize to Rose, but that would just make her a doormat.

Something to be stepped on, abused and disposed off.

No. It's not happening.

She finishes her dinner and excuses herself upstairs. Nobody tries to stop her. She crawls into bed and covers her head with the blankets, hoping they just completely forget about her existence.

Unfortunately, it doesn't happen. There's a knock on the door and Roxy sits up, eyeing it with as much scorn as she can muster. "What?"

"It's me."

Roxy reaches up to rub at her eyes and sighs. "Come in."

Dirk pops his head into the room, shades propped up on his forehead. "I was gonna ask you how you're feeling, but you look like roadkill. A particularly depressed brand of roadkill."

She rolls her eyes and flops back down, as Dirk steps inside and closes the door behind him. "I wasn't ready."

"Yeah, I figured as much. She's got no right showing her face around her like that."

Roxy gives him a look. "That's your sister."

"I can acknowledge when my progeny is being a jerk. So can Dave; he was dissuading her from coming up here and making a fool of herself."

"Great."

He sits down next to her and Roxy pulls herself up. It's like the Strilonde line just kept improving, like a series of... Something. Maybe cellphones or cars. The point is, Roxy is amazed at how good Dirk is.

She leans over and kisses his cheek. Dirk clears his throat and gets up. "I should get going. Dave and Rose are waiting for me."

Roxy tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear and looks away. "Oh. Okay."

Dirk leaves without another word.

Excellent fucking job, Roxy. Congratulations, you're officially a weirdo. She groans and falls back into bed. Thank God it's Friday, am I right or am I right? This is the worst night Roxy has had in months.

Which only makes it appropriate that she busts out the big guns and shots the night down. She leans over the edge of the bed and takes out her last remaining bottle, something liquorish and high percentage. She doesn't know what it is, as she's unable to read the label. She got it off Jade's drink cabinet when she forgot to lock it one night after making crepes suzette. Roxy took it from the back, of course. It had a thick layer of dust, but the label said 40vol and that's all Roxy needed.

She hears the downstairs door open and close, waits to hear Jade and Jake's footsteps disappear past her room. then pops the top off the bottle and takes a swig.

Sweet fucking jesus on a stick, that's goddamn nasty.

This easily classifies as one of the worst things Roxy has put in her mouth, which is saying a lot. Nevertheless, she carries on. No pain, no gain, as someone once said. And dear lord, the pain. It's like her chest has been set ablaze. It's worse than reading character death tagged fic of your OTP.

By the time the clock strikes midnight she's properly hammered and she can't even taste the stuff anymore.

"Yeah, fuck Rose!" She says to no one in particular, back pressed against the wall and alcohol spilling all over herself. She curses out loud and tries to wipe it off before giving up, the occurrence quickly disappearing from her mind. "Bunch'a... Fuckin' jerks."

She takes another swig of the bottle, trying not to think too hard. There's a knock on the door and she doesn't even notice.

"They can all fuck off." Roxy mutters, playing with a loose thread on the carpet "Rose, and, Dirk, and Jane for making me lie to her and-"

"Roxy?"

Roxy's heart freezes as she looks up at Jake, standing at her door in absolute confusion. He looks at her, then looks at the bottle, squinting without his glasses. "...Roxy."

Roxy clasps one hand over her mouth, tears beading up in her eyes. what's she supposed to say. It's not what it looks like? What else could it be?

"I'm... So sorry, Jake."

"...Are you drunk?" He walks into the room, closing the door behind him. "...Where did you get this?"

Roxy sobs harder and reaches up to rub at her teary eyes. "Stole it off Jade's stuff."

"Oh."

There's a moment of pause.

"...When you told me, when you asked me to buy you alcohol."

She shakes her head.  

"I'm sorry."

"...You lied to me?"

Something gets caught in Roxy's throat and she feels the ground open below her and swallow her up, but when she comes back to her senses she's still sitting in front of an unbelieving, hurt Jake.

"...I'm sorry, I'm really..."

"I was..." he shakes his head "All of us had your back when Rose lied to you, and you just..."

"...In my defense, I happened to lie before I knew she..."

"That doesn't make it better."

"...I know."

He shakes his head and kneels beside her, wrenching the bottle out of her hands.

"Go to bed."

"But-"

"No buts."

"Are you gonna tell Jade?"

Jake gets up and walks towards the door. "I'll think about it."

  
Roxy sits there staring at the door long after he's left.


	15. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She slumps over, head hitting Jane's desk. "I'm tired."
> 
> "Hm?"
> 
> "Of all the lying and cheating I've had to do to get here."

"He's still not said anything, right?" Dirk sighs, rubbing his eyes behind his shades. "Come on. It's Jake. He, out of all people, isn't gonna tell everyone on your birthday."

Roxy shrugs, looking down at the melted marshmallows in her cup placidly. "Maybe I deserve it. Especially after I spent so long bitching about Rose. God, I didn't even realize how selfish I was being."

"Shush you." Dirk points a ladyfinger in her direction "Those are different situations. Yes, what you did was bad, but I don't think it compares to Rose."

"Because she's older and more mature?"

"Well, also that, but, you know." Dirk seems to be struggling for words. The two of them are at Jane's, who came up with an impromptu birthday party for Roxy, since she had to share the day with Rose. There's cupcakes and cookies and all that jazz. Jane is still in the kitchen with the cake. Roxy and Dirk have sequestered themselves in her room.

"Her lies had a direct impact in your life." He says at last "She tricked you into moving in with her."

"...So they had a direct, positive effect on my life?"

"...You had no way of knowing if it would be positive or not. Rose used you for research."

"And I used Jake to get alcohol."

There's a pause. Dirk's shoulders slump. "Yeah, you fucked up."

"Thanks Dirk." She slumps over, head hitting Jane's desk. "I'm tired."

"Hm?"

"Of all the lying and cheating I've had to do to get here."

"That seems a bit of an overreaction."

"Is something wrong?"

Roxy pulls herself up to look back at Jane, who's just entered the room with a dome covered plate. Dirk tilts his head towards Roxy and makes a face as if saying "Yeah, good point."  
"Nothing. We were just... Talking about stuff."

Jane huffs a little and sets the cake down on the desk." Honestly, Roxy, it's like you're hiding things from me all the time."

"Imagine that." Roxy says, her voice as dry as the driest part of the Sahara. Dirk scoots closer because cake.

"Are you ready for your cake?"

"Can't get readier."

"It's too bad Jake couldn't make it."

"Yep."

The cake is, amusingly enough, rum and raisin. Roxy doesn't think it's funny but Dirk is practically in stitches, in an entirely appropriately Dirk like manner, of course.

They cut the cake, skipping the birthday song on Roxy's request. Jane gets her another cat sweater, which she puts on at once. Dirk promises her he has her gift back in the house, ready for tonight's party.

Jane leaves after a while, wishing to clean up the kitchen before her dad gets home. Roxy and Dirk are alone.

"Should I tell her?" Roxy relocated to the bed for cake eating. She is shoulder to shoulder with Dirk. Dirk shrugs.

"This is the sort of lie that doesn’t hurt anyone. It's not even entirely a lie, I mean, we are family. Would she ever find out, anyway?"

Roxy feels her heart get stuck on her throat. The first thing she thought of was Rose, and what would happen if they ever ended up in a relationship.

Fucking stupid. Like that would ever happen. She's still clinging to things that are completely unfeasible. In fact, she's clinging to things that were never meant to happen anyway. She shouldn't even be thinking of Rose like that anymore, not after what she did.

But, didn't Roxy do the same to Jake? Rose lied to her, but Roxy is no saint.

How is Roxy supposed to know what's the right thing to think about anymore? Why does she kept thinking of Rose at the most inappropriate times?

"Rox?"

Dirk raises his hand to wipe a tear off her cheek. Roxy sobs gently.

"I wanna tell her. I wanna come clean. It's not my fault she never believed me."

"Roxy, you're upset, don't do anything rash-"

"No!"

"...Are you guys alright?"

Dirk curses under his breath, eyes snapping to the door. In due dramatic timing, Jane has finished cleaning and arrived back at the room. Roxy gets up.

"Roxy-"

"I need to talk to you about something." She interrupts Dirk before he can say anything. Roxy is dead set on the truth. Jane just looks slightly distraught.

"Remember when we first met?" Roxy looks away, arms crossing over her chest "And... And I told you I was living with my sister?"

"Yeah? What about it?"

"And how I was joking about being a homeless stray before?"

There's a pause.

"Roxy-"

"You didn't believe me."

Jane's eyes go wide behind her glasses and she stammers for an answer.

"How was I supposed to-"

"Yeah, real fucking hard to believe such a wacky story, right?"

Dirk tries to interject, but he's just as lacking in words as Jane is.

"Roxy, you..." Jane drapes one hand over her mouth.

"Why couldn't you just believe me." Roxy sobs, reaching up to wipe at her eyes "I, I'm so tired of pretending I'm something I'm not. Okay, I'm not Dirk's sister and I'm not Jake's cousin, I'm just some kid picked off the streets. I'm not rich and I missed three years of high school."

"Roxy-"

"No, I don't-" She barrels past Jane and out the door "I don't wanna hear it."

"How was I supposed to know!" Jane screams out at her, finally having found her voice.  
Roxy spins around on her heel, hands curling into tight fists by her sides. "I told you! You could have believed me!"

"It was so farfetched-"

"Yeah, I know, my life is just a big, reaching joke!" Roxy turns back and runs down the stairs. The front door slams behind her. Dirk follows her shortly after.

The drive home is silent.

Dirk and Roxy walk through the front door, expecting the house to be empty still. The party's only at eight. Rose is sitting on the couch with a party hat and a whistle. When she sees Roxy's state, eyes puffy and arms curled up tightly around herself, she spits the whistle out and gets up, one hand reaching to grab the party hat off her head. Roxy doesn't bother escaping, just stares at the floor, sobs wracking her body. Rose looks towards Dirk.

"What happened?"

"Everything got fucked." He throws his hands in the air and disappears towards the stairs "That's what happened."

Roxy and Rose stay still for a moment, before Rose reaches over to set one hand on Roxy's shoulder and lead her towards the couch. They sit down, silent.

"I'm sure you don't want anything to do with me, but-"

Another sob rips out from her throat and Roxy clings to Rose so tight her knuckles go white from clenching at the woman's sweater. Rose clings back. Somehow they end up with Roxy curled up against her, legs over her lap, crying softly into Rose's neck. Rose strokes her back, cheek pressed against Roxy's hair.

"Do you wanna tell me what happened?" Rose mutters, her voice barely above a ghost of a whisper "It's alright if you don't."

"I fucked up, Rose, I fucked, up, really bad." Her voice is barely distinguishable between sobs. She takes a moment to breathe, trying to get herself under control. Rose just waits. After a moment, Roxy stops shaking enough to speak.

"I got Jake to buy me alcohol."

"Ah."

"And, and he told me you... But I went on right ahead and I lied to him and told him it was for cooking."

"Hm."

"And then I got drunk and he found me and he told me I was just as bad as you and..."

Rose doesn't say anything.

"And I was so pissed at myself because how could I be mad at you when I was just as bad. And then, and then I was so upset, I've been so upset lately, and I just lost it and I told Jane everything, I told her I'm just... Some..." She sniffles. Rose holds on to her just a little tighter. "I don't know what came over me, I think I just, completely lost it, and I should've just kept it to myself, and-and- I'm-"

She breaks down crying again. Rose says nothing, just strokes her back and holds her close.

"I just fucked up so bad, with everyone, Rose." she sniffles "Can you forgive me?"

"There isn’t anything you can apologize about to me." Rose says "You didn't do anything."

"But, I was so pissed at you-"

"It was still something that hurt you. My actions hurt you, and nothing you did changes that fact."

"...I kept bottles in the house even though I knew you, you..."

"That I'm an alcoholic? While i would advise you to quit drinking, both because you're young and it's obviously gotten you into trouble, I'm biased. Besides, the presence of bottles in my house that I didn't even know about isn't the most terrible thing in the world."

"...But..."

"Yes, I know Jade locks up her liquor cabinet-"

"I also stole from-"

"Okay, okay, I get it, you fucked up. But, as I was saying. I go to galas full of champagne, Roxy. I've met people at bars. I've come to know myself well enough to know if, when I can handle being around alcohol, without slipping. So far, it seems to work out. I refuse to take offense to your actions, because from where I stand, they didn't hurt me."

Roxy looks up at her, eyes full of tears. Rose's calm, stoic expression breaks, and for a moment, Roxy thinks she can see love and compassion in her eyes. Rose clears her throat and looks away.

"I'm not gonna tell you what to do. But I can tell you, Jade won't be upset if you come clean. Jake might be another matter entirely, but he's your family. He won't hate you forever, as he hasn't hated me for my own faults, or Dave's, or Dirk's. Just because you've been one of us for less time, doesn't mean you're any less important."

"...You mean that?"

"Of course. I know better than to lie to you now."

Roxy frowns again and Rose smiles, an apology on her lips. "Sorry. That wasn't funny."

Roxy curls up closer to her again. "What about Jane. She's my best friend."

"You can always get other friends, can't you?"

Roxy only sobs harder.

"Sorry, that might have been a little..." Rose sighs and pets her back "I'll be quiet now."

After a moment of silence, Roxy rests her head against Rose's shoulder, a sigh leaving her.

"My best friend was sick when I ran away."

Rose nods to tell her she's listening, but doesn't interject.

"She was in the hospital, and I told myself I wouldn't go away until she was better but... She just kept getting worse, and my parents..." She shook her head. "I had to go."

"I'm sure she understood."

"I called every chance I could, I really did. But... Eventually she stopped picking up."

Rose's breathing stops. She hugs her tightly against her chest, face pressed against her hair. "I'm sorry."

"I'm... I've felt so guilty for so long. I was so selfish."

"You were hurt. And in danger. If she was your best friend, then she couldn't blame you."

"I know. But I feel guilty anyway."

Rose pulls away, reaching to stroke her cheek, brushing damp hair away from her face.

"I'm sorry, darling." For once, she's absolutely genuine.

Roxy pulls her legs away from Rose and curls up beside her, leaning against her shoulder. Rose wraps one arm around her shoulders.

"I'm so scared all the time and..." She shakes her head "Rose? Can we be friends again?"

"Of course. I'm sorry for all I put you through."

"I know."

They stay together, in silence, for a moment.

"How about you go upstairs and get dressed?" Rose says as softly as she can "You don't wanna be a mess at your own party, do you?"

Roxy shakes her head and gets up. She wipes at her face. "...Happy birthday."

"You too."

Roxy forces on a smile, but Rose doesn't bother, just reaches forward to squeeze her hand. She's hesitant to let go when Roxy starts walking away.

Roxy stops at the door to the hallway.

"Rose?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"I just did what I could do. I can't bear to see you suffer."

Roxy's shoulder slump and she drags herself upstairs.

They don't speak to each other again until Christmas comes around.


	16. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “How did you like the gifts?”
> 
> Roxy smiles at her, before it fades slightly. She looks at the floor. “Thank you. Everything was great.”
> 
> “I have one more thing for you. But I wanted to give it to you personally.”

  
Roxy presses her face against the pillow, hoping that, somehow, they'll forget she's even here and just leave her be. All she can think about is the smell of Rose’s clothes pressed up against her nose. Her pillow just smells like softener.

“Merry Christmas!” the door to her room slams open and Roxy just grabs the pillow and pulls it over her head. Jade strolls in, hanging up lights everywhere. “Now get out of bed, you grump!”

“It's Christmas Eve.” Roxy mutters “what's the big deal.”

“Everyone’s gonna be here in a few hours, silly!” Jade has busied herself hammering a piece of mistletoe over her door. “You have to get ready.”

Roxy stares at her from under the pillow, eyebrows furrowed. “Everyone?”

“Everyone!”

“And by everyone you mean…”

“Everyone, silly!” Jade leaves, humming jingle bells to herself. Roxy stares at the door.

Roxy sits up, head still heavy with sleep and mouth dried from dehydration. She wishes she could say she didn't spend all night crying, but that would be a lie.

She doesn't remember the last time she had a good Christmas. She wonders if she ever did. Well, this one isn't gonna be it either. Things are still weird with Rose. And Dirk. And Jake and Jane and- this is gonna suck, isn't it? She drags herself out of bed, plops on a pink skirt and a white sweater, then walks downstairs. When she walks into the room, Jake doesn't meet her eyes. Whatever. Who needs him anyway.

"Roxy, dear, done help me with the cookies." Jade certainly doesn't need him. Jake's banned from the kitchen until further notice. Roxy whines but she walks herself into the kitchen anyway. By the time the doorbell rings for the first time, she has cookie dough up to her elbows. She hears Jake get up and the door open. Dave mentions something about fruitcake. Rose retorts with something, also about fruitcakes, which makes Dave and Dirk let out offended gasps. Roxy's stomach starts knitting itself into a scarf. At least her intestines will be warm for the winter.

She tries to focus on cutting out little gingerbread men. Jade leaves to greet her guests and it's just Roxy and mountains of dough. Cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside.

"Roxy?"

Cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside.

Cut out, set aside.

"Err, Roxy."

Cut out, set aside, cut out, set aside.

"ROXY."

Roxy blinks and looks back at Jade, confused. Jade is eyeing the sheets full of unbaked cookies to her side, eyes wide behind her glasses.

"I think that's enough."

"Oh."

"Why don't you go... Do something that isn't cookies."

Roxy slumps out of the kitchen and runs upstairs before anyone can see her. She washes off the cookie dough then stays in her room playing animal crossing. At least her neighbors don't lie or judge her or-

Just when she's finally having a moment of peace, Jade calls her down for lunch. Who even has special Christmas Eve lunches. Rich people, that's who. The Strilondes are already sitting at the table. It takes Roxy a moment to realize Dave and Rose are wearing matching ugly Christmas sweaters.

Roxy shares a meaningful glance with Rose, before the older woman looks away. Jake is sitting on the couch, watching TV. Roxy sits down next to Dirk, rather than Rose.

Jade brings out a massive hunk of lamb. Jake drags himself over and sits in front of Roxy, eyes set on the plate. They eat in silence, until Jade lets out a long held in sigh and gets up. “Enough is enough. I'm not letting you guys sit around moping all day. You're gonna find your Christmas mood before I find it for you, you understand?”

There's a moment of pause.

“Do you understand?”

A chorus of “Yes, grandma.” sounds out. Rose clears her throat and looks over at Dave.

“How’s the life of the rich and famous treating you?”

“I fist bumped Nic Cage.”

“Wow.”

Roxy sighs and pokes at her food, trying not to feel Jade’s glare on her. Everyone’s attempting to make small talk and it's the most awkward thing Roxy has ever experienced. Roxy is unsure of what Jade expects to happen. it isn't like Christmas is a quick fix to everything that's gone wrong in the past year.

“Roxy helped me with the cookies, you know?” Jade says, a smidge of pride in her voice “...I hope you guys wanna take leftovers home.”

“That sounds lovely.” Roxy lifts her head to look at Rose, who smiles to encourage her. “I love grandma’s cookies.”

“You love cookies in general.” Dave says between bites of lamb “What else could explain your thighs?”

Rose glares at him and he visibly shrinks, holding his fork close to his chest. Roxy can’t help but choke on a laugh. Neither can Jake. They look at each other for a moment then look away. Jade lets out another long suffering sigh.

For the rest of the meal, there isn't much conversation, besides the occasional small talk. Even Jade seems to have given up on trying to manually instill the Christmas spirit. As soon as she can, Roxy excuses herself and returns upstairs. She occupies herself with tumblr and videogames, trying not to think about how Rose is right there.

It sucks that she's always wanted a good, happy Christmas, like everyone on television always seemed to have. Instead she holes herself up in her room, avoiding any sort of interaction with the people she's now supposed to consider family.

Maybe there's no such thing as good Christmas. Maybe there's no such thing as good families.

Her eyes are wet when someone knocks on the door, and she's quick to wipe them off on her pillow. what's the point of making anyone worry about her and ruin whatever shreds are left of their Christmas spirit. Roxy opens the door with wary caution, only to see Rose standing there. They look at each other for a moment.

“The proper party is starting.” Rose says, reaching to wipe a stray tear off Roxy’s cheek. Shit. “Jade sent me up here to call you down. Should I tell her you're not interested?”

Roxy shakes her head. She steps past Rose and walks downstairs without even waiting for her. She can hear her walk behind her, her footsteps resonating on contact with the hardwood floor. Jade has Christmas music playing in the background, and the kitchen table has been dragged to the living room. It's outfitted with everything and anything you would like to eat. There are chocolates, themed for the season, along with other candies. A variety of fattening fried things, fresh fruit and even chips, along with twelve plates of cookies. There are also more plates spread around the living room. Roxy can’t help but notice Jade is serving fruit punch and sodas.

Rose steps past her to pick a croquette off the table, carefully rolling it in a napkin to avoid dirtying her fingers. She sits down on the couch between Dirk and Jake. Charlie Brown’s on TV.

Dave is sitting to one corner of the room, flicking through his phone. Jade must be back in the kitchen, cooking for dinner.

The doorbell rings. As the only person up, Roxy dutifully walks over to open the door. There's a walking pile of Christmas presents staring her in the face. Karkat tilts his head over to look at her. “Are you gonna help me or just stare?” He has a santa hat on.

Roxy shrugs and reaches over to grab about half the pile, enough for Karkat to be able to see. She doesn't question how he managed to walk up to the door. The gifts are quickly deposited below the already overstuffed tree, and Karkat nods in thank you. Both of them walk over to the food table. Roxy picks out something fried, hoping it isn't octopus or something. It turns out to be some sort of shrimp paste thing. Karkat is picking at the fresh fruit.

“So, uh, Roxy.” He glances in her general direction “it's nice to see you.”

“Nice to see you as well.” she says. He clears his throat.

“I don't think I ever got to apologize for, you know…”

“It isn't your fault.”

“...How are things between you and Rose?”

Before Roxy can respond, the doorbell rings again. She uses this as an excuse to run off, away from Karkat. But, before, she does a quick survey of the room. Whatever, it was probably someone just stopping by to wish them a good Christmas.

When Roxy opens the door, she's confronted with two women, one of which familiar, the other not so much.

Kanaya Maryam is tall, dark and striking. She looks more like a model than a designer. Her eyes are the most vibrant green Roxy has ever seen.

She's accompanied by someone with unruly blonde hair and large glasses, who's scowling down at Roxy. Roxy freezes in place with her jaw agape.

“Er… This is Jade’s house, is it not?” By contrast with her looks, Kanaya sounds a little timid, even shy. She's looking around nervously.

“Yeah. Yeah, this is…” Roxy steps back and turns around, just in time to see Jade step out of the kitchen. Their eyes meet. Jade’s go wide and panicked, the smile on her face turning from genuine to fake in a moment. She clears her throat and runs over to step in front of Roxy.

“Kanaya, you're finally here!”

Roxy doesn't need to look to know that the huge thump she just heard was Rose trying to get up and falling off the couch. The woman scrambles to her feet and arrives at the entry hallway just as Jade closes the door. Jade opens her mouth but Rose cuts her off before she can say anything.

“Kanaya?” Rose sounds genuinely unbelieving. The woman who's with Kanaya looks between Jade and Rose with the most offended look possible.

“Oh, I assumed…” Kanaya swallows dry and looks away “I thought you knew. If I was aware-”

“Nonsense, sweetie, you're part of the family.” Jade says, smiling at Kanaya. She looks back at Rose, eyebrows lowering. “Rose, can I have a word with you in the kitchen?”

Rose is about to protest when Jade gives her a look that even sends shivers down Roxy’s back. They start walking towards the kitchen. Roxy eyes Kanaya for a moment before scramming after them.

When she walks into the kitchen, Dave is in one corner with his phone and a gallon of apple juice, looking confused. Jade and Rose scream at each other as quietly as possible.

“She's my ex!”

“She's my friend! Am I not allowed to bring my own friends into my own house?”

“She broke up with-”

“She broke up with you because you're a jerk!”

Roxy has squirreled herself in the back of the kitchen with Dave, watching shit go down. She looks down at him and he shrugs.

“Stop being a little shit!” Jade hisses between her teeth “She wants to make things right between the two of you.”

“But-”

“You weren't so against seeing her when you crashed your car, were you?”

Rose goes quiet and looks away. “Still-”

Jade puts her hands on her waist and tilts her head back, as if she needed any more help looking down on Rose. “Rose Ophelia Lalonde, you're being a brat! You are going to sit down at the table and have a nice goddamn meal with your family, you hear me?”

“But-”

“No buts! And that's final!” Jade storms out of the kitchen. Rose follows, a pout on her lip and her gaze on the floor.

Roxy leans over to mutter in Dave’s ear. “Ophelia?”

“You think that's bad?” Dave says, tweaking his glasses down to look at her “My middle name is Romeo.”

Roxy leans against the counter and crosses her arms, eyebrows furrowed. She doesn't know how she feels about Kanaya being here, but it isn't positive. She hears a sigh to her side and feels a pat on her shoulder.

“She's gonna be okay.”

“What about me?” Roxy asks, eyeing Dave. He shrugs.

“You're the only one who can decide that.” He turns around and leaves Roxy in the kitchen alone. After a moment, Roxy walks out. She goes to get another of the shrimp thingies, trying not to look at Kanaya on the armchair, sitting all prim and proper. Rose is nowhere to be seen.

The other woman is shoveling croquettes into her mouth. Roxy looks at her for a moment, until she looks back at her.

“What?”

Roxy shrugs and looks away. “Nothing.”

“Vriska. How lovely of you to show up.” Rose’s voice is so dry that Roxy feels dehydrated.

“Ah, Rose.” Vriska turns to her with a smirk “How’s that book coming along?”

The corners of Rose’s lips tighten and she looks at Roxy. Roxy looks away.

“Roxy, this is my agent. Vriska.”

Roxy looks at Vriska, eyebrows shooting high up. So, this is Rose’s agent. The person who came up with the whole Rose Lalonde, mysterious author persona. It's kind of uncanny to think about it. She certainly doesn't look like a successful agent.

Vriska smirks and reaches to shake Roxy’s hand. “Roxy, huh? you're the most recent Jade Harley adoption?”

“That would be me.” After a moment of deliberation, Roxy reaches to shake Vriska’s hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you as well.” Vriska walks off. Her arm doesn't go with her. Roxy stares down at Vriska’s separated limb, barely processing Rose mumbling a “For fuck’s sake.” behind her.

“Oh, Vriska!” Kanaya has walked up to the group. She very, very gently takes the limb away from Roxy “I'm so sorry, she always does this.”

Roxy looks up at Kanaya, then at Rose. Rose just shakes her head, an exasperated look in her face. Vriska has returned, a smirk on her lips. Kanaya starts pushing the limb back up her sleeve, lips pursed in tight disapproval.

“I understand Kanaya,” Rose says, eyes firmly locked on Vriska’s face and not the woman beside her “but what the hell are you doing here?”

“What, I'm not allowed at your little party?”

“You're Jewish.”

“Yeah, but let's face it Lalonde, it isn't like anyone in here’s actually religious.”

“She has a point.” Kanaya mutters. Rose’s eyes finally leave Vriska’s to look at Kanaya.

“...You invited her.”

Kanaya pulls a face and steps away. “Rose, you must understand, she was gonna be alone-”

“I wonder why.” Rose says. Vriska’s arm falls out of her sleeve and everyone takes a moment to look at it on the floor.

“You know, what, whatever.” Rose walks away. At the lack of anything better to do, Roxy follows.

“Are you, uhm-”

“Alright?” Rose stops in the empty dining room, already set for the evening. She looks at Roxy. For the first time today, Roxy actually looks at her. It reminds her a little of how Rose looked a year ago, tired and melancholic. The bags under her eyes are evident and Roxy thinks she's gained a few grey hairs. “I'm fine.”

“You don't look fine.” Roxy looks down at her feet, shifting in place “It was a jerk move of Jade to pull this on you.”

“I understand where she's coming from.” Rose sighs “I should be thankful Kanaya even wants to be in my presence now.”

There's a moment of silence. Roxy looks everywhere but Rose. Thankfully, there's no mischievous mistletoe just waiting to turn this into a ridiculous heart warming scene from some romcom. Yeah. Thankfully.

Oh, what the fuck. Why not. Roxy leans in and kisses Rose’s cheek, to the older woman’s surprise. She jerks back, cheeks just barely flushed. “Roxy?”

Roxy is a lot redder than her. She pulls back and clears her throat. “Sorry. I just… You know.”

Rose smiles a little and, whoop, there goes Roxy’s heart, melting all over the place. Someone bring her a roll of paper towels stat, there's cardiac goo all over her shoes and Roxy isn't up for this bullshit.

Both of them return to the living room, quiet and not acknowledging what just happened. The doorbell rings. Jade answers. Terezi walks in with a bright red candy cane sticking out of her mouth. Rose looks at Terezi, then looks at Vriska, then looks at Kanaya, then finally grabs Roxy’s wrist and drags her upstairs. “Hey, why don't we play a game or something.”

  
Roxy, confused, lets herself be dragged “What, but-”

“Just,” Rose looks at her with a plea in her eyes “take me out of the living room. Please.”

Roxy rolls her eyes and brings her upstairs, back into her room. Rose sits down on the bed, looking away. “Thanks.”

“So…” Roxy mutters, plopping down on her computer chair.

“We used to be friends.” Rose says, looking up at her. “All of us. But things change.”

Roxy nods. She looks down at the floor, arms crossing over her chest. With all the things that have been going on with Jake and Jane and Dirk, she knows that.

“Are you okay? You’ve been distant all day, and not just with me.”

Roxy just shakes her head. There are tears beading up in her eyes. Rose opens her mouth to say something, but closes it again without a sound. She lies down, staring up at the ceiling. “I wish I would have told you.”

Roxy looks up at her, brow furrowing.

“I thought being blissfully ignorant would keep you from being hurt.” Rose says “Were it me…”

“But I'm not you.”

“I know that now.” Rose sighs, eyes closing.

“I wish you'd told me too.”

Roxy gets up and sits down beside her.

“I don't think I'm mad anymore.”

Rose lifts her head to look at her, face unreadable. Roxy shakes her head.

“I mean, I'm still mad, just… I miss you more than anything else.”

“Oh.” Rose sits up, the same heart melting smile on her lips. they're close on the bed. Roxy feels a lump in her throat. “I'm glad. I missed you as well.”

“Really?”

“Of course.”

Roxy would give anything to be able to kiss her right now. There's a knock on the door and she jumps in place. “I know you two are in there!” Jade says “Get down for dinner right now!”

Rose sighs and gets up, Roxy following closely behind. They pause at the door and Rose looks back at her. “I forgot to thank you for sheltering me from awkward conversations.”

Roxy laughs and looks away. Her eyes set on the mistletoe above the door. She looks down at Rose for a moment. “Yeah. No problem.”

Rose walks away. Roxy stays under the mistletoe alone for a bit.

Jade serves up a turkey big enough to feed a small country. Actually, Roxy isn't sure if that's really a turkey. She's half convinced Jade brought back a delicious dinosaur just to serve it on Christmas Eve dinner. There's all sorts of sides and all of that jazz. When everyone sits down to eat, there's not a trace of silence.

Roxy herself focuses on her food and nothing else. She's trying her best not to look up at Rose, thoughts too busy with how soft her lips look.

She shoves her mouth full of dinoturkey, and hopes to god no one tries to speak to her. Her eyes raise to look around the table, nervously. Everyone’s involved in their own conversations. Karkat breaks off a hushed yet heated argument with Dave to stare down into his punch glass. The punch stares back at him. Karkat lets out an high pitch, shrill scream and falls out of his chair, spilling punch everywhere. A glass eye goes clinking around the table.

“Vriska!” Kanaya takes a hand to her chest, properly offended, while Vriska and Terezi break out in laughter. Roxy looks back at Rose, who has one hand over her mouth and is red in the face, shoulders trembling with held in laughter.

By the time midnight rolls around, everyone has quieted down around the fireplace. It's not an awkward quiet, like lunch, it's the quiet that comes over people when they're safe and comfortable. Roxy hangs over by the snack table, playing Pokémon and eating more of those shrimp things. She smiles and nods to anyone that comes by. Vriska shushes her when Roxy notices her spiking her punch glass with something from a spider themed flask. Otherwise, she's ignored, and she doesn't think she minds.

The grandfather clock in one end of the room strikes midnight with a series of heavy bangs. It's loud enough to scare Karkat, who has fallen asleep in an armchair with a lap full of book, into wakefulness. He jumps out of it and there's a resounding chorus of giggles. Jade jumps to her feet and claps. “Time for Christmas presents!”

Roxy and Jake have already been allowed to open a few presents. They're no less enthusiastic to rush to the fully packed Christmas tree. With ten people in the house, seven of them particularly wealthy adults, Roxy didn't expect any less. She has to say, the materialist in her is loving it. Even if she's used to buying whatever she wants (neither Rose nor Jade seem to have any problems throwing money at her).

Roxy gets a wide variety of games, mostly retro things that aren't found so easily. Dave gets her a copy of Earthbound in the box and she nearly squeezes the life out of him. Rose gets her a wide variety of things: from good, expensive notebooks to the ugliest christmas sweater she has ever seen. It matches the one’s Dave and Rose are wearing.

Vriska hands Rose a plain, inconspicuous bag, to the woman’s surprise, then suspicion. She glances at Kanaya, who shrugs. Rose looks in the bag then promptly looks away, closing with such force the top rumples in her hands. Her cheeks are the reddest Roxy has ever seen her.

“It's so you can go fuck yourself.” Vriska says, pride undeniable in her voice. Rose and Kanaya glare at her with matching unbelieving expressions. Roxy has to excuse herself before she breaks out into hysterical laughter.

When Rose finds her in the kitchen, she's still giggling. Roxy mutters an apology between giggles, one hand pressed to her face. Rose shakes her head and rolls her eyes.

“How did you like the gifts?”

Roxy smiles at her, before it fades slightly. She looks at the floor. “Thank you. Everything was great.”

“I have one more thing for you. But I wanted to give it to you personally.”

Roxy looks up, confused. Rose walks closer and takes a narrow box out of the pockets of her terrible christmas sweater. In closer inspection, it seems to be a many tentacled rudolph, with real light up nose. Rose hands the box over, and Roxy opens to find a beautiful gold pen.

“...Oh.”

“My mother gave me one like that when I was around your age.”

There's a moment of silence before Roxy looks back at her, eyes wide and wettening. Rose’s eyebrows rise and she looks away, shoving her hands in her pockets. Her cheeks are still red from the Vriska incident, or, perhaps she's embarrassed about something else.

“I don't have mine anymore, or I would have just passed it on to you.” She spits the words out, tapping the tip of one shoe against the kitchen tile. “...Do you like it?”

Roxy sobs and steps forward to wrap her arms around Rose, pulling her close. Rose leans her head against her chest and pats her back. “I'll take that as a yes.”

“Thank you.” Roxy mutters, arms squeezing her tighter “Thank you, Rose. For everything.”

Rose pulls away with a soft smile, her own eyes glistering in the bright kitchen light. “Thank you as well. For, you know, putting up with me and all.”

They look at each other for a moment, before Rose wipes at her eyes and turns to leave. “We should get back before Jade comes to drag us back again.” Roxy nods and follows her.

Eventually, people start leaving, first Karkat (“Well, I actually work 9 to 5 for a living, so.”), with Terezi following soon after, then finally Vriska and Kanaya. Kanaya and Rose nod politely to each other before she leaves.

Jade makes up the couch bed for Rose and Dave, despite their protests. Then, she serves everyone hot chocolate with extra marshmallows, and they watch one final Christmas movie. Jade is the first to leave for bed, followed by Jake and Dirk.

Roxy watches Rose on the couch for a moment. From her brow bone to her lips, Roxy’s eyes follow her profile. She shakes her head, trying to break the spell, then drags herself up the stairs. Dirk is staying in her bedroom and she slips next to him on the bed, back to him. He acknowledges her with a little noise.

“Dirk?”

“Yeah?” he says, sleep evident in his voice.

“What's your middle name?”

“Sebastian. Why?”

Roxy shakes her head with a sigh. “Nothing. Just curious.”

She puts the box with the gold pen in her bedside table, then promptly falls asleep.


	17. Chapter 15

Rose leaves before breakfast. When Roxy comes down, Dave is alone in the kitchen, munching on cereal. He's not wearing his shades and when she looks his way she can see pity in his eyes.

"So that's that, uh." Roxy shoves her hands in the pockets of her pajama pants with a sigh. "She just left?"

"Well, you know, she has all that writing to do, and..."

"...It's Christmas."

"Yeah, I know. Jade's gonna be pissed." Despite his words, there's something else to the situation. He looks a bit too distant, a bit too furtive. Roxy is silent as she leaves the kitchen, passing by Jake as he walks in. He avoids her eyes.

Roxy stays secluded in her room, playing Pokémon alone. Her mind is swimming with questions. She has to be dragged downstairs by Jade for lunch. Once she's finished eating, she goes back into hiding, just curling up under the sheets with her 3DS.

There's a knock on the door and Roxy is about to protest when the door opens and Dave's spectacled head pops in. "Sup?"

"What." she says, not bothering to look back at him after her attention drops back to the DS. "Does Jade need me for more cookies?"

"I don't think Jade needs anything from you until she's hired to cater for another fancy shmancy gala. Can I come in or am I supposed to stand by the door like a dumbass."

Roxy sighs and shrugs. Dave walks in, closing the door with his heel, then sits down besides her. "So, what's up with Rose."

"How should I know?"

"Well, you're her person, aren't you?"

Roxy finally closes the 3DS and sits up, brows furrowing. "What do you mean?"

"What do you think I mean. She loves you. She probably trusts you more than any of us and that's saying a lot." He takes off his glasses to wipe them. His eyes are set on the opposite wall "I mean, it might just be that she hasn't had the time for resentment to build up, but, y'know."

He gives her a pointed look "Then again, she has been acting really strange. Kinda... Mushy, if you know what I mean."

"I don't."

Dave sighs and puts his glasses back on.

"Am I gonna have to do the whole feelings and dramatic backstory thing?"

"Yeah?"

"Fine." He clears his throat "Due to certain circumstances, mom always had to spend more time and effort on me than Rose. Rose, being Rose, acted like it didn't affect her, but, y'know, obviously, it did. She's always had some issues, that I can't talk to you about cuz'o that whole, privacy business. But, suffice to say, she's not entirely right in the head."

Roxy opens her mouth to protest and Dave shushes her before she can do so.

"And neither am I. But, as Rose would say, alas, Rose has always been better at hiding herself than I've. And I'm not proud of that. So, Dave, with his fucktruck of issues gets all the mommings of the world, lil man, Dirk, as the baby of the family, gets all the things he wants and then some, and Rose, being the eldest and the most apparently stable, gets to be the woman of the house when mom's too absent or too busy or too drunk."

Roxy's eyes fall to her lap. She doesn't know what to say, so she keeps quiet. She's doing her best not to feel like she's pitying Rose.

"She didn't get out of it so well. Rose really ended up resenting ma, and she really resented me as well. Thing is, mom kicked it before Rose could say anything to her about it."

Roxy looks up at him between her bangs. Dave sighs.

"I'm a full grown man, okay, I'm not gonna start crying about my dead momma. 'Cept, I'm not the one with unfinished business with her. For all intents and purposes, mom was the most supportive person i would ever meet. And Rose didn't get that."

He went quiet. Roxy pulled her legs up to wrap her arms around them, hiding her face.  
"Do you feel guilty about that?"

"Yeah. Well. For the longest time, I did. I felt guilty for Rose not having the support she needed, for never noticing she needed the support. Rose resented me for taking that from her. Although, she felt guilty too. She knew I needed it as well, and she made this picture in her head where she was the one who was pitching a fit over something insignificant."

There was a lull in the conversation.

"Only child?"

"Yeah."

"I guess it doesn't matter, since your parents would be just as shitty sibling or no sibling."

"Yeah..."

"She apologized."

Roxy looks up at him, blinking. There are tears on her eyelashes.

"Before, but also last night. It's weird, you know, cuz you have this person who's the goddamn queen of ice and then she goes all tender apologies on your ass."

"..."

"I think Jade figured it out before I did." he says "She always figures things out. It's like she sees the future sometimes."

"Figured out what?" Roxy mutters, one hand rubbing at her eyes

"That something's up with Rose. Maybe she's just... Defrosting. And that's why she invited Kanaya."

Roxy's silent, staring at him.

"I don't understand what that's to do with me."

"Well, in this picture, if she's defrosting, then you're the microwave... Not the best analogy I've made, but whatever. Can I see that?"

Too stunned to protest, Roxy grabs the gift box and hands it over to him. He opens it and takes out the pen, inspecting it for a good while.

"Man, I was so jealous when Rose got hers." he half laughs "I think it was mom's way of apologizing. Deep down, I think she knew she neglected Rose, and she was always tryna make it up to her. It was just kind of... Not what Rose needed."

He was silent for a moment, staring at the gold pen.

"Now, I'm not tryna be creepy or anythin', but you kinda remind me of our mom sometimes. You're just all bright and full of life after all the bullshit."

Roxy laughs dry. "That's funny. I don't feel bright and full of life."

He hands the box over.

"I'm not gonna tell you to be nice to Rose, or anything. If you feel like she's being a jerk, then don't make things easier on her, cuz then she'll just never learn." He pauses "But, man, I think she's really trying."

He gets up with a sigh, pausing only to dust some stray cookie crumbs off his rad Santa skateboarder sweater. "I kinda wished we weren't always at each other's throats when we were kids. I'm not gonna have the relationship with Rose that I have with Dirk or anything. We were both too busy with all the resentment and tryna bein' cool and stuff."

He heads towards the door to leave.

"Dave?" he pauses, canting his head towards Roxy to show he's listening. Roxy hesitates before the question slips from her lips like oil "What happened to Rose's pen? She said she lost it..."

Dave's shoulders slump and he sighs. He lifts one hand to scratch the back of his head. "Dad pawned it off. I don't think Rose had the energy to protest it."

He leaves without another word, firmly closing the door. Roxy sits in silence for a moment. She clutches the box to her chest, feeling hot tears stinging at her eyes.

She gets up, admitting to herself that Dave's speech struck a chord. Just not in the way he intended.

Sure, she's gonna be nice to Rose, she loves Rose. She's always known that she'd end up forgiving her. At the end of the day, Rose is still the one she wants to come home to. Roxy knocks on Jake's door. He's rather cheery when he tells her to come in, probably expecting Grandma. Roxy steps in, closing the door and leaning against it. Jake looks up at her confused. He puts the new gun he was polishing down.

"Yes? Is tea ready?"

Roxy sighs and reaches up to rub her eyes. "I never properly apologized."

"Oh."

"You were right, Jake. I lied, and I stole from Grandma, and I still had the audacity of turning you against Rose." She does her best not to sniffle. She doesn't wanna gain his sympathy, she wants to apologize. "I understand if you're still gonna be mad at me, but, I just wanted to apologize for real, because... I don't wanna lose you, alright? So. I'm sorry. You can tell Jade all about what I did."

"I'm not gonna."

She nods. "Alright."

In a moment, she's embraced by Jake's bear hug, feeling the air being squeezed out of her. "Whoa, okay, okay, I missed you too!"

He laughs into her hair, then puts her down "I'm sorry. I overreacted."

"You didn't." She reaches over to pat his cheek "I didn't act right, and it was only understandable that you'd be upset."

They look at each other for a moment.

"Then..." Roxy avoids his gaze "Are we cool?"

"We're cool."

They grin up at each other, just before Grandma calls them down. They race down the stairs. Dirk is uninterested in everything, playing with some robotics kit on the couch. Dave and Jade are chatting over a bottle. Roxy freezes.

"Ah, Jake, come here, you should try this." Jade grins over at him. She's holding the bottle Roxy had usurped, then quietly placed back into its place. "It's some liquor I got while on travel. I thought it was sealed but I guess not."

Jake and Roxy exchange looks, while Jade just grins devilishly. It seems Dave was right. She does know everything.

Thankfully, Jade doesn't seem to wanna bring it up as anything more than a joke, and Roxy and Jake get off scot free. they have tea, then dinner, then Dave and Dirk leave for home.

Roxy curls up in bed with her laptop, content. There's only one thing nagging at her mind.

tipsyGnostalgic started pestering  tentacleTherapist at 11:46

TG: hey  
TG: idk if ur awake  
TG: u better not be passed out on the couch with no pants on again  
TT: I'm up.  
TT: The status of my pants is confidential.  
TG: ok  
TG: good  


She pauses for a moment, thinking.

TG: i was wondering   
TG: can i stay over there soon   
TT: Oh?   
TT: Any particular reason?   
TG: i was gonna make some story about needing to study but i think youd see right tru it   
TG: so   
TG: i miss u ok   
TG: like a lot   
TG: and u miss me too   
TG: (dont get all thorny with me)   
TT: Is that a pun.   
TG: (mb)   
TT: Anyway.   
TT: I do.   
TG: u do   
TT: I miss you.   
TT: There. Said.   
TG: so   
TT: You can stay as long as you want, although, I suppose it will be complicated for you, due to school and all. A weekend would be best, perhaps? A long weekend, maybe.   
TG: but ur still gonna come over for new years right   
TT: I would, but, unfortunately, Dave and i have plans.

Roxy heart sinks a little but she says nothing. It's good that Rose has plans with Dave. She's even envigorated by the thought of the two of them together, just hanging out. Especially after Dave's speech.

TT: First long weekend, then?  
TG: sounds good to me  
TT: Great.   
TG: hey rose  
TT: Yes?  
TG: thank you for the pen  
TG: best guft  
TG: *gift  
TT: You're welcome.  
TG: im gonna sleep but talk to u tomorrow ok  
TT: Yeah. Goodnight, Roxy.  
TG: <3

She signs off as fast as she can and dives into bed, reddened cheeks pressing against her pillow, with the memory of Rose's perfume now fresh in her mind.


	18. Chapter 16

Roxy was expecting a pep talk, lots of "If you need anything, just call." but no. Jade throws her out of the jeep and drives off, cackling to herself.

"Wow, thank you, grandma." Maybe this is a good sign. Dave did say the woman KNEW THINGS. Roxy dusts herself off and walks up to the front door, bag dragging behind her. She knocks a few times on the door, trying not to startle Rose with the doorbell.

Rose opens the door with the biggest smile Roxy has ever seen on her face. Now that's a good sign. She ushers her inside, talking about nothing in particular. The house is oddly clean. It drives Roxy to admit that Rose is making an effort. She feels her cheeks heating up, and tries to look away.

"Your room is as you left it, besides the things you asked me to bring to Jade's, obviously." Rose still hasn't shut up. "And I brought you things to cook up, although, if you don't wanna, and would prefer to relax, there's also plenty to eat that requires little preparation."

"Rose."

"I changed the sheets on the bed, because they get dusty, that's a thing right, and I bought you some new notebooks, I know I already gave you some for Christmas but-"

"Rose!"

Rose looks back at her, stunned, eyes wide. "What, did I do something wrong?"

Roxy steps forward and wraps her arms around the woman's shoulders, pulling her close. "No. I'm just glad I'm home."

Rose is stiff at first, but she soon warms up and relaxes, head resting against Roxy's shoulder. "I'm glad. I did miss you."

"I missed you too."

It doesn't take long for them to end up on the couch on their own laptops. After a moment of relaxation, Rose sighs and turns to Roxy, half closing her laptop.

"I'm glad you wanted to come over."

"Yeah. I'm glad to be here."

"...There's something I wanted to talk to you about, and i would prefer to do it in person."

Roxy's heart starts throbbing against her chest. What could Rose want that's so serious. Roxy pushes her laptop aside and turns to her, confusion on her face. Rose doesn't meet her eyes.  
"I don't want you to be upset, alright?"

"You're freaking me out, Rose."

"...You said you were scared all the time." Rose has taken to play with a lock of her hair. Roxy makes a mental note that Rose needs a haircut. "And, I would have dismissed it as nothing, but... Well."

Roxy's gaze drops onto her lap. what's she trying to say?

"The possibility that it's something alarmed me." Rose clears her throat "Is this a regular thing for you? Being... Anxious?"

"Can you cut to the point?" Roxy's fingers are chalk white, clenching the edges of her hoodie between them.

"I want you to talk to this therapist I know."

Roxy looks up at her, brows furrowed. Rose sighs and holds her hands up defensively, starting to talk before Roxy can get a word in.

"Okay, let's get this all out of the way. No, you're not fucked up in the head. Most of the population is chemically unbalanced. I've been seeing a therapist for years on and off. The on periods are definitely better. There's nothing wrong with you, and, above all, I just want you to be happy."

Roxy stares at her for just a moment before relaxing against the couch. "Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Although, I would argue with you over not being fucked up in the head."

There's silence for a moment before Rose, out of her own free will, even, reaches to wrap her arms around Roxy's shoulders and pull her close.

"I was afraid you'd react badly."

"Mhm... I almost did, but..." She pauses, chewing on her lip for a moment. "You know, Dave talked to me on Christmas Day."

Rose is silent, head resting on Roxy's.

"He was just... talking about you and your childhood, and stuff." Roxy squirms in place, reaching her arm up to start chewing on her sleeve. "You're not gonna be mad at him, are you?"

"No. He knows I trust you."

"Okay. That's good."

Rose pulls her a little closer, one hand stroking her hair. "Do you think that's what I'm doing?"

"What?"

"Taking care of you because my mother couldn't do the same to me."

Roxy thinks for a moment. "Does it matter?"

"Wise choice."

They sit together, just enjoying the closeness, for a good while.

"How about we just, watch a movie?" Rose says, tilting her head to look at Roxy.

"Not Say Anything again."

"How about She's All That instead?"

"Oh my god, what's it with you and highschool movies?"

"They're fun. Fun is a thing you know."

"It doesn't fit your image."

"Yeah, well, blame Vriska for that."

They giggle together for a moment, before Rose gets up to start flicking through DVDs. Roxy watches her as she does so, her eyes following her every movement. She's so pretty. Every little thing she does just makes Roxy fall deeper into a pit of feelings, from which she'll never be able to escape.

Speaking of escaping, she dashes upstairs before Rose can notice her red cheeks and teary eyes. God, Roxy is ridiculous. She sits on the toilet, bathroom door closed, and just cries for a moment, feeling her chest fill up with warm gushiness.

Rose cares about her. Rose cares so much about her, and she has a family, and she applied to college, and, for once, she feels like things are gonna be alright. She doesn't know what to feel about that.

After a moment, she composes herself enough to return downstairs. Rose is already sitting on the couch, a bowl of popcorn beside her and an alarming DVD home screen on the TV.

"What are we watching?" Roxy mutters, plopping down next to Rose "Should I be worried?"

"Yes." Rose says, a slight smirk on her lips. "I thought it would be more befitting to choose something based on my 'image', so we're watching a horror movie. Is that a problem?"

Roxy scoffs. "No."

"Good."

It's around the third jump scare that Roxy starts clinging to Rose, face pressed up against her shoulder. "This was a terrible idea and I hate you."

"Hey, I'm having fun." Rose throws a handful of popcorn into her mouth, tilting her head back. Roxy huffs, quiet and soft, and snuggles up against her side. Rose, by instinct, wraps her arm around her shoulders and Roxy has never been gladder to be sitting in a dark room. Her cheeks are so warm you could probably fry an egg on them, or, at least heat something up. She hopes Rose doesn't notice it.

She wishes she could just press her face against her neck and hold on tight. She longs for the time where Rose was rubbing her back and stroking her hair, despite the copious amounts of snot and tears that were leaving her at the moment. She wants, no, needs to be closer to Rose. But that can't happen. Rose is 29.

What can Roxy do? Drape herself across her bed while the woman is changing in the bathroom, then quip out with "I'm legal now." when she walks in? Hey, there's a can of whipped cream in the fridge…

No. Bad Roxy.

She's not gonna ruin everything now that they're cool with each other again.

Even if Rose looks extremely kissable right now. Her arm just squeezes her whenever something scary happens.

Goddammit, Roxy, snap out of it. She's not even that kissable, she probably tastes like fake butter.

This is stupid.

Roxy rests her head against Rose and tries not to think too hard about it.

They watch two more movies than afternoon. Then, Roxy retreats upstairs before an accident happens. The accident in question being a feelings spill out of massive proportions.

She lies in her bed, so different from the one at Jade's, and stares up at the ceiling. She's spent so long staring at this ceiling. This ceiling has seen things, man.

She wants to tell her. Rose cares about her. Dave called her Rose's person. There has to be something in here more than fraternal feelings, right?

Or, maybe Roxy is just reading things because she's tainted by her own feelings.

This is stupid.

Roxy rolls on her side, trying to just go to sleep already. Maybe Rose will buy the whole 'too tired by school' excuse.

Of course, nothing goes Roxy's way. Rose opens the door and walks over to sit on Roxy's bed. Roxy's eyes are still firmly shut. Rose's hand sets on her shoulder and she hopes she doesn't notice she's awake.

"Roxy?" after a moment, Rose sighs. The woman leans over and presses her lips to Roxy's forehead, before getting up and leaving. The door closes with a soft click. Roxy's eyes open.  
She's trying not to read anything into that, but it's so hard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the delay, family sequestered me for easter weekend


	19. Chapter 16.5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Okay, remember." She turned to Rose, one finger wagging in the air.
> 
> "School, band practice, Dirk, Dave, home." Rose rolled her eyes "Should I also pick up groceries? A shift in the coal mines, perhaps?"
> 
> "Don't talk in that tone with me. Just make sure you don't forget, alright, I don't have time to do everything."

Rose didn't wanna get out of bed. She just wanted to disappear into the mattress. Then she wouldn't have to deal with anything. She didn't even wanna die; dying took too much effort.  
If everything simply ceased, she'd be much happier for it, or, at least she'd feel something.   
Hopefully.

Of course, the world didn't care for what she felt or didn't feel. The alarm clock rang. The sun shined. Her mother called her down for breakfast.

Rose dragged herself out of bed, threw on the first clean set of clothes she could find, then walked downstairs. Given the absolute silence in the room, she could only assume Dave had gotten up before her.

The kitchen was bright and sunny, the blinds on the windows pulled up. Mom was at the stove, cooking up more eggs and bacon.

"But I don't wanna go to school. I'm sick, see?" Dirk pushed his bangs up, and leaned over in mom's direction.

"I already checked your temperature twice. You're not sick." Mom turned to dump the contents of the frying pan into Rose's plate. Dave was already eating, shades on his face already. Predictably enough, Dirk was also wearing his stupid shades, trying to mimic Dave. "Honey, you're late, eat up."

"I'm not hungry." Rose stood by the door, leaning against the doorframe.

"Fine, don't eat." Mom sighed, reaching to rub her temples. "I need to take Dave to his therapist then pick up his meds, so you're gonna have to pick up Dirk, then Dave."

"And you're just springing this on me now?" Rose rolled her eyes "What if I had things planned?"

"You never have things planned. Now, eat your breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

Mom sighed and took a box from the cupboards. "I bought you Froot Loops. Will you at least have a bowl of cereal?"

"I said I'm not hungry already, god." Rose turned around and walked back into the living room, picking her backpack off the couch. She stood by the door, listening to music. Eventually, the rest of the family unit popped out of the kitchen, Mom driving Dave and Dirk to the door.

"But I'm sick!"

"Yeah, I think I'm coming down with whatever he has."

"Neither of you is sick. Why can't you just be more like Rose?"

Rose almost scoffed.

Mom kissed Dave and Dirk's foreheads, then pushed them both out the door.

"Okay, remember." She turned to Rose, one finger wagging in the air.

"School, band practice, Dirk, Dave, home." Rose rolled her eyes "Should I also pick up groceries? A shift in the coal mines, perhaps?"

"Don't talk in that tone with me. Just make sure you don't forget, alright, I don't have time to do everything."

Of course not, she was too busy getting drunk.

Mom leaned in to kiss Rose's head but she left before she could. She slunk into the driver's seat, doing her best to ignore Mom's cheery face as she waved them off. The drive to school was silent as usual.

"I'm just saying, if everything fails, I could always be one of those guys who gets stuffed into suits for movies." Dave rubbed his chin thoughtfully "I could be the next Chewbacca."

"You already sound like one." Rose muttered. After dropping off Dirk, the two of them headed to school for another day of standardized learning. The only reason Rose was here at all was because she couldn't escape her mother's controlling.

"At least I would actually fit in the suit." Dave said, eyeing her up and down "You've been doing double duty on the Oreos, huh?"

Rose didn't respond, just kept walking forward until they departed for their separate classes. Then Rose just kept walking. She reached one of the run down bathrooms and sat on the sink. Her fingers fished a pack of cigarettes out of her backpack. She smoked and wrote until the correct bell rang, then took a trip to her car to get her violin. Band practice went as usual, nothing but awed whispers and sweet things muttered from the back.

"Strider." Rose stopped on her way out the classroom, turning back to face her music teacher.

"Yes, sir?"

"I'm gonna need you to stop showing off."

There was a pause, Rose's brain unable to process what he was saying. "Excuse me? I don't understand-"

"You're the most advanced student i have. How long have you been playing?"

"...Since I was a child, sir. My mother signed me up-"

"Well, you're gonna have to tone it down. If you wanna show off, it isn't gonna happen in my room. You make it look so easy, what are your classmates gonna think? What are parents gonna think when they hear about you? That I'm slacking off on their kids."

"I've been doing this for over ten years."

"I don't care, just, cut it out. Don't make me kick you out of band."

Something broke inside Rose's head. Her last fuck gave a twirling flip away.

"Fuck you."

Rose escaped before the teacher could say anything. She stared down at the steering wheel of her car, shoulders slack and eyes empty. Yeah, she was all manners of fucked. Mom wasn't gonna be happy about this. One more thing to blame her for.

Mechanically, she started the car and drove to get Dirk, then Dave. Even Dave's jabbing didn't spur her into reacting. She parked the car outside the house, walked in before Mom could tell her anything, then locked herself in her room. Her back hit the wall and she slid down, eyes staring at nothing in particular.

Stupid. She was so fucking stupid.

Now what?

The school was gonna call her mother.

So?

It wasn't as if it would make a difference. At most, she'd get yelled at for a few minutes, then get the dreaded "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed." Yeah, of course she was disappointed, nothing Rose did could ever change that.

Dave called her for dinner. Rose did her best to ignore him. When was the last time she ate? She couldn't remember. Hey, but at least she wasn't doing double duty on the oreos, right Dave?

Rose grabbed her pillow off the bed and screamed into it.

When midnight struck, she was back to quiet numbness, her eyes set on a spot on the hardwood floor. The door opened with a click. "Rose?"

Rose tried to ignore her mother's voice as best as she could.

"Dave said he didn't see you at lunch."

"I had lunch with friends. Outside." Couldn't be more of a lie. Predictably enough, Rose didn't have any friends.

"Honey, I'm worried about you." A lie to match a lie. Rose put on her best parent pleasing smile and looked towards her. Good thing she stopped wearing any makeup; at least now there wasn't any evidence of the hours spent crying.

"Mom, I'm fine. I'm just tired."

Mom inspected her for a moment, before nodding. "If you say so."

The door closed. How easy to trick she was. Was that it? Wasn't she even gonna try and look past her bullshit. Rose found herself tearing up again.

It was around five when Rose woke up from hunger. She was on the floor, curled up around her pillow. There was a dull headache throbbing against her skull.

Rose dragged herself downstairs to scavenge some food and have a cigarette. Her family was probably fast asleep. Not seeing her mother asleep on the couch, she flicked the switch to light up the kitchen.

For a moment, she thought the lack of nutrition was making her see things. It took her a moment to realize it was real. "Mom?"

Her mother lay on the kitchen floor, paler than Rose had ever seen her. Rose dropped to her knees, dragging herself closer. "Mom? Are you alright?"

Stupid question. Rose felt her heart be torn out of her chest. Her fingers desperately wrapped around her mom's wrist, trying to feel for a pulse, only to be met with the cold radiance of death.

"Mom. Mom, come on, this isn't funny anymore." there was no emotion in Rose's voice, just the slightest disbelief. This didn't happen. This was taken straight out of a bad drama novel.

Rose felt a sob come up her throat, but she didn't understand. Why was she crying when this couldn't be real. "Mom, please." she whined, her voice uncharacteristically shaken. "Please, not this, I'm sorry, I really am, I'm sorry, but, please, anything but this."

At that moment, Rose sincerely regretted ever wishing she could feel anything.


	20. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I had a dream about my mother."
> 
> "Oh. It must have been really bad."
> 
> "Yeah."
> 
> Roxy moves just a little closer to Rose. Rose throws one arm over her waist and Roxy finds her cheeks heating up once more.

"Rose?" Roxy shakes the older woman's shoulder, trying to awaken her "Rose? Are you okay?"

Rose groans and reaches up to rub her face, mind swimming with confusion. "What? Something wrong?"

"You tell me." Roxy mutters "You were crying in your sleep."

There's a long moment of silence when Rose tries to process what's happening. Her brain is throbbing hard against her skull. She's in her room, and Roxy is kneeling by her bed, obviously distraught. Rose pulls her hand away, feeling wetness smeared across her nose bridge. Okay. So she was crying.

She sighs and sits up, rubbing at her eyes. "I'm fine. It was just a bad dream. Are you alright?"

Roxy looks down at the floor, shoulders slack. "I was worried about you."

Rose nods and scoots over, then pats the space beside her. "You can stay here if you want."

"...Really? You mean that?"

"Sure, just slap me awake if something else happens."

Roxy huffs quietly but says nothing else, just drags herself over to lie next to Rose. They stare at each other for a moment. Rose doesn't look upset, she just looks... Like Rose, Roxy guesses. 

"What was the nightmare about?"

"Old wounds. Don't worry about it."

"I'm gonna worry anyway."

Rose sighs and closes her eyes, shifting for comfort. She's silent for so long that Roxy is beginning to wonder if she just fell asleep.

"I had a dream about my mother."

"Oh. It must have been really bad."

"Yeah."

Roxy moves just a little closer to Rose. Rose throws one arm over her waist and Roxy finds her cheeks heating up once more. 

"Do you miss her?" Stupid question, Roxy, of course she misses her. 

"It's complicated." Rose sighs, almost deflating "She was a rather neglectful person at times, but, I know she loved me dearly, even if she wounded me."

Roxy nods. She reaches over to wipe a stray tear off Rose's cheek. Rose smiles faintly.   
It's the final morning of their long weekend. Roxy doesn't wanna go home. Even if she knows she can come back whenever she has the time, this weekend was something different. Roxy is unsure of how she managed to get Rose to open up to her like this, but it's happened. Something inside her tells her that even if she comes back, nothing like this will ever happen again.

Rose has returned to sleeping. For once, her face is relaxed, neutral more than anguished. It's comforting to Roxy, but she's afraid that if she falls asleep, Rose will just slip back into what's paining her. Roxy wonders how both of them have managed to survive so much. When she met Rose, she'd thought she was nothing more than some auteur, used to her life of richness and status. 

The possibility that Rose was as much of a person as she was never crossed her mind. Roxy's mind was in as much clouded by the Rose Lalonde persona as anyone else. Was she really better than she was when she was 13 and fangirling over the woman?

Looking back now, this whole period of her life seems unreal. Roxy can't help but pinch herself, try to awaken from whatever lotus machine has trapped her. When doing so bears no fruits, she gives up. Her fingers brush Rose's bangs away from her face, and she falls back into a restless sleep, just waiting for the sun to rise.

To her surprise, she awakens past noon, the light filtering through the blinds to wash over her face. Her thoughts immediately jumping to Rose's absence. Roxy darts out of bed and down the stairs, leaning over the railing to look into the kitchen. Rose, of course, is nowhere to be found. She has to further dash down and right to her office, where, of course, the woman is writing. Rose looks back at her with a soft smile, spinning her chair over to confront her, hands raising defensively. "You caught me. I promised myself I wouldn't waste time I could have spent with you writing, but, well, you were sleeping so well I couldn't bear to wake up."

Roxy leans against the door frame, arms crossing over her chest. There's a hint of worry tugging at the corners of her lips, brows drawn together. The smile fades off Rose's face and she sits up properly, no longer slouching. "Is something wrong?"

Roxy shakes her head and walks in to sit on the loveseat, hands pressed against her face. "I was worried you disappeared for a moment."

Rose's eyebrows raise and she relaxes against the chair again. "Where would I go?"

"I don't know."

Rose sighs and rubs her chin, gaze lowering from Roxy to the floor. "I nearly drowned once, you know?"

Roxy looks up at her, shocked and confused. 

"Wait, I'm going somewhere with this." Rose clears her throat "I've never learned how to swim and, well, there's a river running under the house. I was a child, before Dirk was born even, and my parents were still together. Of course, regardless of the number of adults in the house, I was still unsupervised. One thing lead to another, and I fell in."

Roxy’s fingers clench the edge of the loveseat.

"What happened then?"

"I don't remember." Rose flicks her hand, eyes closing "I was in grade school. It was a long time ago and I was traumatized. From what I've been told, Dave saw me and ran to get our father. The next thing I remember, I was already home and our parents were fighting over the situation."

Roxy stares her at for a moment. 

"My mother was upset. And I didn't understand at the time. Looking back, it must have terrified her." Rose is quiet for a moment "Should I leave a note next time I leave you alone unannounced."

"Not funny."

"I'm not joking. If it would make you feel more comfortable, I would do anything, no matter how ridiculous it seems."

"...No. It's alright." Roxy pauses for a moment "Rose?"

"Yes?"

"I'm scared. That once this weekend is over, we will never have anything like this again. You've been so sweet and..."

"Non avoidant? Like an open book?"

"...Yeah."

"I understand your concerns. Quite honestly, I can't settle your doubts. Whenever I think I'm walking forward, I find myself taking steps back." Rose sighs and tilts her head to look up at the ceiling. "I'm trying and that's all I can promise you."

Roxy nods.

"Now," Rose turns back to look at her again "how about we heat up something for lunch?"

"I'll just cook up something." Roxy gets up, forcing on a smile "How does tuna casserole sound?"

"Lovely." she turns back to her computer, smiling "Thank you, darling."

Roxy snorts in laughter as she walks out of the room. "Pet names don't suit you at all, you know?"

"Could be worse." Rose mutters, starting to type again. "Could be precious, or something of the sort.”

Roxy distracts herself with cooking. The repetitive, familiar actions take just enough attention to insure she's not thinking of other things. Like things that might not sit so well with her. By the time she's finished and the casserole is in the oven, distraction has washed nearly everything away.

Nearly everything.

Darling.

Psh.

Rose can be so cute sometimes. Sometimes, when she's not being a complete snarky broad. If only she was this sweet all the time. of course, then she wouldn't be Rose. Is that really what Roxy wants? A toned down, sharp edges blunted Rose? No, of course not. Roxy likes her just fine the way she is, and, wow, she likes her. 

"How long until lunch is served?" Roxy jumps a foot in the air. She spins on her heel to glare daggers at Rose, who walks back with wide eyes. "What, I'm hungry!"

"You scared me!"

"I'm sorry. Really." She walks over to press her hands on Roxy's shoulders, despite the girl's frown "Are you alright?"

"No, my heart is threatening to move out and take the kids. What the hell, Rose!"

"I apologize." Rose pats her cheek "Shush, relax. Are you sure there's nothing else that's bothering you? No offense, but it seems like a bit of an overreaction to just being startled."

Roxy looks down at her feet. She doesn't wanna cry. She doesn't wanna have another breakdown in front of her. 

Rose's hand presses against her face, thumb running over her cheekbone. "You can tell me what's wrong, Roxy. What were we just talking about, huh? I thought we could trust each other by now."

Roxy shakes her head. "You're gonna be upset at me."

"I'll forgive you. You forgave me."

Is this it? Is this gonna be her big romantic moment? Crying and nearing yet another breakdown? And then what, Rose is just gonna be shocked and disturbed, what else would she be?

Maybe Roxy was right. Maybe things can never be like this again, because she's about to change everything for good.

"I think I'm in love with you."

Rose looks neither disgusted nor outraged, nor anything else that might make Roxy wanna run off and scream. Nor does Rose look like she might run off screaming. In fact, the only change to Rose's expression is the slightest wave of shock, eyes widening and lips parting.

"Oh."

They sit in silence for a moment, Rose's hand still on her cheek. Her other hand rests on Roxy's next and Rose looks away.

"Why?"

"W-why, what? Why I think that,-"

"No, why me?" Rose's arms pull away and she hugs herself, gaze still on the floor "I lied to you, and... I'm nothing but an old, washed up author. Trust me, you have far better choices."

Roxy thinks for a moment, trying to get past the haze in her mind. Why Rose?

"Because, you sleep past three on a good day if no one wakes you up, and you can't be bothered to put on pants half the time." Roxy swallows back tears. "And you always have a quip or a snarky comment, but then you end up doing adorable things anyway, and you bicker with your brothers, and you're such a good writer and you love writing so much. And you love everyone so much, I know you do. And it's just the entire collective of who you're that makes me..." she choked on a sob "I love you."

"Oh." Rose stares up at her, eyes wide and wet. She looks back down, one hand raising to press up against her eyes. "Roxy..."

"And I know you're much older than me, and that you've had serious adult relationships. But I don't wanna be with anyone but you, I've tried, and it doesn't work. If that means I'm gonna be alone, then so be it." Roxy shook her head "But it's okay if you don't wanna have anything to do with me, I just, I just don't wanna end us on this miserable, stupid note. I didn't even wanna tell you, but, but..."

"Roxy..."

"I just want us to be okay with each other, even if my stupid feelings get in the way."

"Don't say that." Rose shakes her head, hands still rubbing at her face "Your feelings aren't stupid."

Roxy wraps her arms tightly around herself, sobbing in silence. She can't see the floor through the large tears beading up in her eyes.

Rose's arms wrap around her and Roxy hiccups, her whole body tensing up before relaxing.

"I don't know what to do, Roxy." Rose's voice is shaken up, heavy with emotion. "But I'm not leaving you, alright, I'm never leaving you. You're-"

"Your person?"

"My person... Who told you that?"

"Dave."

"Of course." Rose sighs and steps back, one hand reaching to tilt Roxy's head up "Come on. There's no need to be upset. I'm not going anywhere."

"Things are gonna change." Roxy shakes her head, shoulders trembling with held in sobs "I fucked up, and now everything has to change."

"Nothing has to change." Rose sighs, not quite meeting Roxy's eyes "I'm not gonna treat you-"

The oven dings. Rose leans over to look at it. "I think your casserole is done."

Roxy nods, and, still sobbing, reaches for the oven mitts. Rose takes them away as gently as she can. "Sit down. Let me help."

The kitchen table is cool on Roxy's face as she rests her head on it. She watches Rose successfully take the casserole out of the oven without burning herself. Or letting it fall. Or, somehow breaking the oven.

Aw. She's learning.

Despite everything, Roxy laughs, her arms wrapping over her head on the table. She must have looked like she was crying again, because Rose set the casserole on the table and started stroking her back. Which just made Roxy laugh even harder.

"...Roxy?"

Roxy sits back, hands rubbing at her face "I'm sorry, I just... It would have been so funny if you somehow managed to break the oven."

Rose actually pouts, which just makes Roxy laugh harder. "Cut it out, I'm not that terrible of a cook."

"Oh my god, pop tarts." Roxy is in hysterics by now "I've seen you mess up pop tarts!"

"Alright, alright!" Rose sits with a frown, starting to serve herself. Some god must have been smiling down at Roxy, because the plate slipped off Rose's hand and landed on the table with a wet plop. 

There was no amount of angry glares that could keep Roxy from being in stitches, bent over the table laughing.

Rose drove her back to New York after lunch, at Roxy's own request. It was a bleary January day, even blearier when they moved into the suburbs. Roxy had some unfinished business to take care of, and Rose was willing to help. 

Roxy made the trek up the driveway and knocked on the door, hoping that Jane's dad wouldn't answer. When the door opened, Roxy was faced with the apron wearing and whisk wielding Jane, confusion on her face.

They look at each other in silence for a bit.

"Hey." Roxy says, putting her hands on her pockets as a breeze blows, making the nearby trees flutter. Jane brushes her bangs away with her free hand.

"Hello."

"I'm so-" both of them speak up at the same time, only to stop with flushed cheeks and hesitant stammering.

"No, I-" they stop again, unable to keep themselves from giggling. 

"Let me." Roxy says, eyes dropping to the floor "I fucked up, alright, I was upset and I took it out on you. I shouldn't have been so pissed when I didn't even try to convince you. Honestly, I wouldn't believe it either if I hadn't lived it."

"Oh, no, Roxy." Jane sighs "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been so skeptical. It must have been hard for you, keeping that to yourself for so long. I'm surprised you even told me."

Roxy looks back at Rose for a moment, before looking back at Jane "Yeah. Me too... So... Friends?"

Jane skips down the stairs to the house and wraps her arms around Roxy as tightly as she can, face pressed against her shoulder. "Friends."

Roxy hugs her back, resting her cheek against Jane's head. "And, you know, if you still need help with chemistry-"

"Oh, god, please." Jane pulls back, eyes filled with horrors seen "Dirk is a terrible teacher."

Roxy snorts in laughter. "Listen, I gotta go cuz my sis- Rose is waiting for me, but we will talk at school tomorrow, alright?"

Jane nods and hugs her one final time. 

Roxy's head is held high when she walks back to the car, a smile on her lips. Rose smiles when she sees her as well.

"I can only assume everything went well?" Rose pulls the car into the road, heading for Jade's.

"Yeah. It went super well." Roxy is silent for a moment. "Rose, I'm gonna kiss your cheek, so this might be a good time to stop me."

Roxy swears she can see the other woman's cheeks barely light up. "Kiss away, although I don't know what I did to deserve it."

Roxy grins and moves up to smooch her, before returning to her seat and looking outside.  
For once, everything seems to be okay.

It's a bit ominous, if Roxy is gonna be honest.


	21. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm gonna miss you."
> 
> "I'm gonna miss you too." There's nothing but absolute honesty in her voice, and it just makes Roxy's chest ache further.
> 
> "Did you ever think we were gonna turn out like this?" Roxy asks, looking back to the vast fields of snow just so she doesn't have to see Rose being so heartbreakingly sad.

"And then you have these thingies-"

"I think you might need to be a little more specific, Rox, lest she writes thingies on the test."

"Shut up, you're an awful teacher." Roxy elbows Dirk, and he flops over on the floor.

"Help. I've been injured. Mercy."

"Could you two be serious," Jane huffs "This is my grade at stake here."

"Don't blame me, blame Dirk." Roxy glares at him, while he fakes dead.

The four of them are hanging out at Jane's. Jake is being attentive to Poptart-Poppop's stories, while they help Jane study. Jane's dad is baking in the kitchen and the whole house smells like cookies. The fireplace is lit. It makes the house toasty warm and fills it with that burnt wood fragrance that always makes Roxy think of Rose's perfume. 

It's nice and perfectly normal. For once, Roxy feels happy. Of course, soon enough, her mind is swimming with unwelcome thoughts.

Rose has yet to say anything about Roxy's feelings. It's like she's ignoring them altogether. Roxy should assume this means she doesn't feel the say way, but it's hard to let go of hope, just like that. She didn't say yes, but she didn't say no either. Maybe she just needs more time to think about it.

It all feels anticlimactic, most of all. Rather than an ending, a closed case, they're stuck in this limbo. Roxy would much prefer if she just told her there was absolutely no way they could be together. 

Well, Roxy would much prefer if she dashed in all charming and roguish, held her tight in her arms and kissed her, proclaiming her love for her for all eternity. But that's more farfetched than a duck with a leek.

"Roxy?" she looks up at Jane, her eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed. "Are you alright? You're all red."

Roxy clears her throat "It's kinda hot in here. With the fireplace, and the oven, and, you know."

"I would say it's kinda hot somewhere else as well." Roxy elbows Dirk again.

Jane looks at the two of them with narrowed eyes. "Roxy... Do you have a crush on someone?"

Roxy tilts her head back and barks in laughter, unable to contain herself. "It's a long, long story, but, suffice to say, it's something of the sort."

Dirk sticks his tongue out then makes gagging noises. Roxy rolls her eyes. "I'll tell you some other time."

Jane's dad is walking in with a tray full of cookies when the doorbell rings. He raises his brows and places the tray in front of the kids, whose hands dart for fistfuls of the sugary stuff. Even Jake rolls over, unwilling to get up.

"Hey, we're here to pick up our kids." Dirk chokes on a cookie at the sound of Dave's voice "Oh, Frederdirky, Grandma requested you come home at once."

Roxy and Jane choke down laughter, hands over their mouths and shoulders trembling. Jake doesn't bother, cackling under the table.

"Oh, but please, come in. It's rather cold out. Would you like some hot chocolate?"

"Can't say no to hot chocolate, can we sis?"

Roxy sets her handful of cookies down, turning to look back at the living room entrance. Jane's dad steps into the kitchen, while Rose and Dave linger around the entry arch.

"Frederdirk, huh?" Jane's grandfather pops up, chuckling to himself.

"It's a family name." Rose leans against the arch frame, hands on her pockets, and she flashes Roxy a grin. Roxy blushes and tries to focus on her cookies.

Dave has gone oddly silent, and Rose jabs her elbow into his ribs. He tries to sputter for words, while Rose watches with a quirked brow.

"Are you," he clears his throat "excuse me, are you John Crocker?"

"Yeah, that would be me." Roxy and Dirk turn to look at Poppop, eyebrows shooting up. "Why, are you a fan?"

Dave throws Rose, who's staring at him bewildered, the most frantic look possible while wearing shades. "It's John Crocker."

"Okay."

"No, the John Crocker. He's been in like twenty comedy movies. He's like, old school famous."

"I can hear you, you know?"

Dave squeaks and tries to hide behind Rose, who rolls her eyes. "Seriously, Dave, that's nice, but can you not."

"Rose, we have to stay over for dinner."

"What."

"You've seen Crocker junior, like he's gonna say no."

"I can still hear you."

"Plus, think of the children, Rose, don't they've the right to spend more time together while they're young and-"

"Mr. Crocker, could we get the hot chocolate to go, we're already late for dinner."

"Rose, no!"

Roxy has already put on her coat and gotten up, while Dirk is kicking Jake on the ribs to spur him into action. She stands by Rose, eyes on the floor and hands in her pockets. She can feel Rose look at her, but she doesn't look back up.

Dave has somehow gotten away from Rose without her noticing, and he's now standing next to Mr. Crocker Senior's arm chair.

"Okay, like, can you tell me about old Hollywood."

"It was in the exact same place it is today."

"...Well, yeah, that I know."

"I think someone has a crush." Rose mutters. Roxy makes a face at her, finally ungluing her gaze from the floor.

"Ew, Rose. He's like, ancient."

"He's like sixty, don't be rude. Like you're one to talk, anyway."

Roxy's cheeks go bright red and she looks away. "There's a difference between ten years and thirty."

"Hrm."

They get their hot chocolate and head for the car, Rose dragging Dave by the collar of his shirt.

Jade's place is just as warm and toasty as Jane's, and it's welcome after the short trek to the porch, exposed to the elements as they were. 

Everyone settles around the living room, distracted by their own affairs. Even so, Roxy notices that Rose and Dave are unusually antsy, whispering at each other when they think no one's looking. Roxy catches Rose's glance once and the older woman snaps her head away, panic flashing across her eyes.

Roxy is starting to her nervous, her arms wrapping around herself despite the warmth of the house.

Jade walks in with her hands behind her back and a smirk on her lips. Dave and Rose are quick to meet her at the kitchen door, identical smiles on their faces. 

"You might be wondering why I gathered you all here today." Jade says.

Roxy, Dirk and Jake stare confused.

"Because we always have dinner here on Friday's?" Dirk asks.

"Because Jake and I actually live here?" Roxy mutters, one eyebrow raising.

Jade huffs and pouts while Dave and Rose try to restrain snickers. "Shush, you, I'm trying to make this count. Presentation!"

The three of them stare at Jade, unsure of what to do.

"Okay, fine, I'll cut to the chase." Jade takes something out from behind her back. "College letters."

Jake makes a little "ooooh" and Roxy feels her heart get caught up in her throat. She glances at Dirk, who's frozen in place, eyes wide behind his glasses. 

"Obviously, we haven't opened your mail. So, err, we don't know if you got in or not." Jade clears her throat "But I'm sure you did. I just wanna say, I, actually, all of us are very proud of you, no matter what. Even if you decide you wanna take another path, or, no path at all. There will be no disappointment coming from us."

"Jade, come on, I'm gonna have a heart attack." Roxy clenches at her sweater, brows drawn together.

"Oh, oh yeah, sorry." She steps forward and hands Dirk and Roxy their letters. Dirk swallows dry. Roxy can see his hands trembling. She doesn't know why he's so nervous, guy builds robots in his free time.

Roxy looks down at her own letter, all formal and stuff. She wonders when was the last time she even got mail. Roxy jumps to her feet and hands the letter over to Rose.

"I can't do it." She stares at the floor as Rose takes the letter off her hands "Please."

Roxy hugs herself, listening to the sound of ripping paper, almost mute from the drumming in her ears.

"You got in."

Roxy screams and wraps her arms around Rose, pulling her into a tight hug and quite literally sweeping her off her feet. From behind, Roxy can hear Dirk mutter a quiet "Thank you." 

Roxy sobs against Rose's shoulder, shaking taking over her. Disbelief is still etched in her mind.

"Roxy?"

"Mhm?"

"I'm very proud of you." Rose strokes her hair, one arm wrapped around her neck "But, please, put me down."

Roxy laughs, short and wavering, then does so, looking down at her with flushed cheeks and tears in her eyes. Rose smiles and reaches up to stroke her cheek.

After the obligatory celebration, and the heated dinner, Roxy sneaks out to sit on the porch. Even if it's cold, she needs something to cool her head. She's sitting alone, watching the snow fall, when she hears the door open.

"I was wondering where you were." Rose says, arms in her coat pockets and smile on her face "Should I leave you alone?"

Roxy shakes her head. There was no time where she didn't want Rose by her side. Rose sits down beside her. Roxy can see her breath, and as she's captivated by it, her eyes set on Rose's lips. 

No, dammit, don't ruin this.

"You've come a long way, haven't you?" Rose says, not turning to her. Roxy thanks that in her head and looks away, clearing her throat.

"It's only thanks to you."

"No." Rose says, eyes closing "I just gave you the starting opportunity. Everything you've accomplished, you own it. And, I know I've said it before, but I'm very proud of you."

"It's something that has to be said, huh?"

Rose sighs and nods. "Mhm."

They sit in silence for a moment.

"I didn't expect to get in." Roxy says, looking down at their footprints on the snow. They're vanishing with the fresh snowfall. "I was actually, making plans not counting with getting in... Like, moving back in with you."

Rose's eyes open, but she doesn't move.

"And, now I'm gonna be in Massachusetts for most of the year." Roxy sighs, rubbing her hands together. "I guess we won't even be able to see each other so often, are we?"

Rose doesn't respond. Roxy turns to her, a sad smile on her lips. "I'm sorry. I'm being kind of a party pooper, huh?"

"Not at all." Rose says "For what it matters, you can stay over at my place whenever you're back in New York." Her shoulders slump, her lips tug into a frown, all so gentle Roxy wouldn't notice if it wasn't her. Roxy feels her heart jolt against her ribs. 

"I'm gonna miss you."

"I'm gonna miss you too." There's nothing but absolute honesty in her voice, and it just makes Roxy's chest ache further.

"Did you ever think we were gonna turn out like this?" Roxy asks, looking back to the vast fields of snow just so she doesn't have to see Rose being so heartbreakingly sad.

"What? This close?"

"...Yeah."

"No. I didn't have any expectations. That's why I took such an interest on you and you alone." Rose sighs. "I've always looked at people and made assumptions. And those assumptions were never proven incorrect. Dave says I have a gift to look past all the bullshit. But, when it comes to you," She shrugs "It's like I can't predict you at all. And, honestly? That's kind of comforting."

"I guess you didn't see my love confession coming, huh?"

Rose swallows dry, and Roxy knows she has fucked up.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"We should go back inside." Rose gets up and smiles gentle and warm down at her. "It's getting pretty cold out here." 

Roxy doesn't protest, just follows her into the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay, the flu has claimed another victim


	22. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Can I ask you something kind of personal? And, uh, maybe kind of sudden."
> 
> "Yes?" Kanaya looks back at her, a spark of curiosity in her eyes.
> 
> "Why did you and Rose break up?"

Much like Roxy had expected, things got fucked soon after. Rose, in all her reclusive author glory, decided she wanted to lock herself up in her big fucking house in the forest and write. Roxy doesn't have a problem with Rose writing, Roxy has a problem with Rose writing when she's so obviously avoiding her.

Roxy should have just kept her stupid mouth shut. If she'd never said anything to Rose about her feelings, things would be so much better right now.

"What's on your mind?" Dirk says, eyes not leaving his phone. Roxy shrugs and looks aside. They're sitting on Central Park, just doing nothing.

"I don't know."

"Yeah, you do."

"If I know, then you know."

"We both knew she was gonna react like this."

Roxy sighs and lets her head fall back. "I know. But I just... I had a flicker of hope, okay? For a while, just a while, I thought things would be okay! I thought everything was gonna be just fine and-"

"And that she'd love you too?"

There's a pause. Roxy looks back at him with pursed lips.

"Hey, I'm just saying." Dirk looks up at her over his shades "Like, I'm all for it, god knows she needs to get laid."

"Funny that you, of all people, would say something like that."

"Hilarious."

"You think she's ever gonna come around?"

"Well, she can't avoid you forever, can she? I mean, Grandma's gonna drag her ass out sooner or later."

"Good point. And then what? Things are just gonna be awkward and weird. That can last forever. Like, her and the other one."

"The other one?"

"Kanaya."

"Wow, rude."

"I know, I'm being catty." Roxy pulls a face and looks away "I don't have anything against her."

"Besides the fact that Rose still has feelings for her."

"I can share."

"That's a good quality to have."

"Besides, I thought Kanaya was done with her. And Rose is done with me. So, really, there's no reason why I should have any ill feelings towards her at her."

"Aren't you a swell gal."

"You seriously need to stop spending so much time with Jake."

"No, but you don't understand, Roxy. I burn, I pine, I perish."

"Sure you do. You also read too much Shakespeare."

"Actually, I got that from 10 Things I Hate About You."

"What's with your family and teen movies."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You know what? Never mind."

"As much as I would like to stay around and keep up our cryptic little chat, I need to go." Dirk gets up and swings his bright orange backpack over his shoulders. "You stay here, burning, pining, perishing, over the woman who kinda raised me."

"Yeah, yeah, just go." She makes a motion to kick his leg and misses. He huffs and walks off with his head held high, before relaxing into his normal stance. Roxy watches him leave then takes her cellphone out of her pocket, only to find a bunch of missed messages. From Rose, out of all people.

tentacleTherapist  began pestering  tipsyGnostalgic  at 10:20   


TT: So.  
TT: I'm in a bit of a pickle right now.  
TT: Except it's less than a pickle and more of a lawsuit eminent disaster.  
TT: Roxy?  
TT: You must be distracted, I'll leave you be.

tentacleTherapist  ceased pestering  tipsyGnostalgic    


tentacleTherapist  began pestering  tipsyGnostalgic  at 10:40   


TT: Jade told me you're in the city and that you and Dirk are the only people who can help me at the moment.  
TT: Dirk just told me to fuck off.  
TT: I'm in a bit of an emergency state right now. Hopefully, you'll see this message whenever you aren't preoccupied.  
TT: Which is to say, I'm not blaming you at all.  
TT: It wasn't as if you could have guessed that I would require your help today, especially as I've been a bit absent.  
TT: Work, you know?  
TT: You're not gonna buy that but I thought I should try anyway, although I supposed admitting to it invalidates it.  
TT: Anyway. I need you to pick up some files at Vriska's office. I've been technically breaching my contract with the publisher for a good three years now. While we've managed to get around it, it does involve a bunch of paper signing.  
TT: Unfortunately, I forgot. I didn't remember that was a thing that needed to be done until Karkat called to screech at me and unleash his newly coined flurry of insults.  
TT: Vriska's office closes at noon, which is why I'm not even trying to make it to New York myself.   
TT: There's a bunch of signatures needed, including whoever is picking them up. Hence why Vriska can't just fax me the documents.  
TT: (Before you ask, yes, I do own a fax machine. Shush.)  
TT: So, here's the address. Don't worry too much about Vriska, she might be a ridiculous person, but she's a professional as well.

Roxy's eyes gazed over the text, then flicked up to look at the time. 11:20. Excellent.

So that's why Dirk was looking at his phone so much. With a loud curse that scared off every pigeon in a mile radius, Roxy rushes to get to the office building in time.

The building is big and shiny and exactly where you would expect a big shot famous agent to work at. Roxy was a little afraid to be there. What if someone thought she wasn't supposed to be loitering around and tried to kick her out? Then Rose would be in so much trouble and- Dammit, Dirk, seriously, none of this was funny.

Roxy steps up to the welcoming counter, fidgeting in place. The man at the counter doesn't even notice. Roxy clears her throat and he finally looks up at her through narrowed eyes.

"I'm looking for, err..." Roxy peeks at her cellphone "Vriska Serket?"

"Eighth floor, office number 8."

Roxy nods and steps off, heading to the elevator. There are old white men in suits everywhere and Roxy has never felt less welcomed before. The elevator is quiet, to the point where Roxy anxiously watches the electronic screen. Just to make sure it hasn't stopped without her realizing. She walks out on the eighth floor as directed, and proceeds down to office 8. She opens the door and notices the women in front of her at once. Vriska, with a loose blue blouse and a grey pencil skirt, hair not an unruly mess, much to Roxy's surprise. Terezi in a red and teal pant suit.

They both turn to look at Roxy when she walks in.

"Hey, it's the prostitute!"

"She's a prostitute? Damn, Rose..."

Roxy isn't even going to bother, neither with Terezi's sudden bursts of sight, nor the whole prostitute thing.

"Hey, Rose sent me."

"We could have guessed that." Vriska crosses her arms over her chest "What's her excuse this time?"

"She forgot." Roxy shrugs.

"Of course she did." Vriska rolls her eye. The other remains in place. Terezi reaches over and pokes her in the eye "Ow, what!"

"It's stuck."

"Again?"

"Maybe you should stop putting it in people's cups." Roxy pipes up. Vriska glares at her and she steps back.

"Anyway," Vriska clears her throat "we just need you to sign this and you're free to go. Just come into my office."

Terezi licks her lips. Roxy is starting to wonder if Rose really forgot or if she just didn't wanna come here at all. Both of them lead her into the office, the door closing behind them with a click. Terezi places the documents on the paper. "Just sign here."

Vriska very silently points towards an entirely different place on the page that Terezi did. Roxy picks up the pen, staring down at the blank space. She freezes.

"...How do I sign this?"

"You can't sign your own name?"

"I'm 17, how many things do you think I have to sign."

"What's your name?"

Roxy hesitates again. what's she supposed to say? Her still legal name, that links her back to her abusive parents and flags her as a missing child case? Or the name she has been living under that she recognizes as her name, but the state doesn't?

"Oh, god, are you illegal here?" Terezi, to Roxy's surprise, has the biggest grin she has ever seen on her face. "Is that it, are you Mexican? Dominican? Canadian?"

"What?" Roxy stares at her, confused "Uh, I'm half Portuguese, half black, something. I was born here?"

"Dammit." Terezi crosses her arms over her chest.

"What Terezi is thinking of, and so rudely saying, is that you might have some legal issues." Vriska is serious. It sends shivers down Roxy's back. It's unnatural. "But, despite my colleague's salivating, it's no big deal. Just sign it, and then Rose will sign it, and if questions arise, Rose will tell them you're the person who signed it and that will be all. There will be no shooting of the messenger."

Roxy nods, then forces her hand against the paper.

Roxanne Lalonde.

Roxy can feel herself heat up, from her chest to her face. Vriska is eyeing (hah) her with interest.

"What?" Terezi whispers "How did she sign it?"

"She signed her name and that's it. God, aren't you noisy." Vriska rolls her eyes, the glass one still stuck, and shoves the papers towards Roxy, who somehow grabs them in time. "Now, get out of here, the adults need to work."

Roxy nods and makes her way out the door, head swimming. Roxanne Lalonde. Mrs. Roxanne Lalonde. She's like a middleschooler doodling on her binder. This is a serious situation and Roxy is making it ridiculous. She should have just gone with Strider.

Someone bumps into her and Roxy almost drops her papers all over the floor. She looks up with panicked, wide eyes. Kanaya is standing there, just as shocked as she is.

"I'm so sorry, I did not even see you there! Are you alright, Roxy?" She clears her throat and straightens herself out, one hand pressing to her chest "It is Roxy, is it not?"

"Yeah." Roxy looks down at the floor and tries to walk away "Sorry."

She hears Kanaya pause for a moment, then progress to Vriska's office. Roxy stands by, waiting for the elevator, her face bright red and clutching the document to her chest. She can hear footsteps come behind her, a distinct click of heels on tile.

"Are you sure you are alright?" There's a note of genuine worry in her voice "You are all red. You look shaken up."

Roxy glances back at Kanaya, then back towards the elevator doors. "Those two give me the creeps."

Kanaya laughs, airy and short. "Yes, they have a tendency to do that to people."

The elevator finally arrives and they step inside.

"Did you come to get something for Rose?"

Roxy nods, not meeting her face.

"She always found a way to weasel out of these meetings."

Dirk and Rose are fucking assholes.

Roxy and Kanaya stay silent for a moment.

"I was wondering," Kanaya says, sounding just as nervous as Roxy feels "would you be interested in grabbing a cup of coffee with me?"

Roxy's extreme blushing only gets harder. She tries to stammer out a response. "I-I'm very, flattered, but, you know, I'm seventeen and-"

It's Kanaya's turn to blush like hell, knuckles going pale as she grips her handbag.

"Oh, oh no, I did not mean it like that!" Kanaya reaches up to twist a lock of her hair, avoiding looking directly at Roxy. "I meant, well, I need to talk to you about something, and I would prefer to do it now, that we have had this chance to run into each other, than when I approach the rest of your family, because, I do not want to dump all this on you in such a short notice, since we have not really had the time to know each other." Kanaya pauses and clears her throat. "I know your loyalties lie with Rose, from what I have seen and heard at least, and it would be unfair of me to try and force us into a relationship, a, familiar relationship, or, even a friendship of sorts."

Roxy stares at her for a moment. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay. We can go out for coffee." Roxy looks down at the documents in her hands "I'm not getting picked up until four, and it's, what, twelve thirty? I have time."

When Roxy looks up, Kanaya is genuinely smiling. Roxy can see why Rose was so crazy about her. Or, is, Roxy supposes.

It doesn't take long for them to find a coffee shop, and Roxy is glad for that. The walk over is filled with stilted conversation and forced small talk. They sit by the window with their drinks.   
"So." Kanaya is fidgeting with a lock of her hair again, eyes set on her latte "As you know, or, I think you must know, I am a fashion designer. I had a show here last year."

Ah, yes. The show. The show Rose was so desperate to get to, she crashed her car. The incident that Kanaya probably knows nothing about. Roxy smiles and tries not to start thinking about honesty and morality again.

"Well, I just came out with a new collection, and it has had a fair bit of success so far. Hence, I will be doing another show, and having an after party for it. Last year was a small affair, I did not even invite anyone I knew, but it is a much larger scale this time. Plus, since Vriska and I missed Dave's party, well, we kind of wanted to get the whole family together this time."

"Wait." Roxy looks up at her, eyes wide "You're inviting me?"

"Yes. I would love for you to be there. I have mentioned before we do not know each other so well, but, regardless, you are not going anywhere, and I would like to get to know you better. Although, I know you are close to Rose." Kanaya laughs softly, looking away again. "Whenever I saw you two during the Christmas party, I have to admit I felt a little jealous."

Roxy doesn't say anything, just stares.

"Suffice to say, it is obvious you are close. And I did not want to put you in an awkward position. I would understand if you want to turn down my offer."

"No. I'll go." Roxy smiles, and Kanaya looks up at her surprised "You're right. Neither of us is going anywhere, so we might as well get along."

"Oh! I am glad!" Kanaya's smile fades "Now to propose this to Rose..."

"I don't think she'll say no." Roxy says, propping her head up on her hand "She just wasn't expecting you at the Christmas party. Trust me, she's been loosening up lately." Roxy's smile gets warmer, as her mind floods with their weekend in the woods.

No. Bad Roxy. Deliberately misinterpreting things. Shame on you.

"Oh, I am sure she has. It is just that, well, she can be so reclusive sometimes."

Roxy barks in laughter "Oh, you don't need to tell me."

There's a moment of pause, while Kanaya sips her latte, eyes on the passerbys outside.

"Can I ask you something kind of personal? And, uh, maybe kind of sudden."

"Yes?" Kanaya looks back at her, a spark of curiosity in her eyes.

"Why did you and Rose break up?"

"Ah." Kanaya's face shifts from mild surprise to something Roxy can't quite pin down. There's something haunting about her eyes. "I do not know if you are aware, and I do not wish to poison your views of Rose, but she had a bad alcohol problem when she was writing her books."

"You broke up with her because she was an alcoholic?"

Kanaya's shoulders draw up and she shakes her head, horror spreading across her face "Of course not, I would never! I would understand someone else leaving their paramour due to a drinking problem, but you have to see, Rose is not a bad drunk. She was actually rather... cheery. That is the issue, you see? The world was clouded to her when she drank. It was frightening. It took so long for anyone to even admit she had a problem."

Kanaya sighs. Roxy is suddenly feeling guilty for bringing this up at all.

"Once we finally did something about it, I stuck through her kicking the habit. We all did. Sure, some of us were were supportive than others. Vriska was not keen on losing a drinking partner. I do not think Karkat even understood how bad it was until a few years back. But, the point is, it was not the addiction that hurt us. It was what came after."

Kanaya tucks a stray lock of hair behind her ear. Roxy folds her hands on the table, looking down at her empty cup.

"She became a jerk, right?"

"I don't think became was the right word. Rose is not the nicest person in the world, even in the best of times. She cares a lot about everyone she loves, but she can be rather... Well."

"Thorny?"

"Is that a pun?"

"Maybe."

"But, carrying on. It was at that time that things were really going sour. She was young and on the spotlight of the world, and her inspiration was slipping away from her. She started to think the alcohol was what made her great, but she could not just go back to the habit. It terrified her."

It was something to hear about Rose in this manner. Roxy felt her stomach churning, like there was a fresh batch of butter being produced inside her.

"Without something to cloud all the problems she had, everything became crystal clear. Sharp. It is no surprise she was so hard to deal with her in that period of time."

Kanaya went quiet for a moment.

"You just couldn't do it anymore."

"None of us could. I think even Dave lost it with her. After so long, I have to wonder if it was the right decision."

Roxy has taken to playing with her empty cup, still not looking up at Kanaya.

"You can’t help those who don’t wanna be helped." Roxy crunches the cup in her hands, the plastic crinkling "I guess."

"Mhm." Kanaya finishes off her latte and smiles. "But, if she is getting better as you say, then we have nothing to worry about, do we?"

Roxy is silent for a while before nodding. "Right."

"Anyway." Kanaya gets up and nods "I should get going. I still have much to do, such as talking to Rose herself. I am sorry for leaving on such short notice, but I hope we can do something like this again soon."

"Yeah." Roxy forces on a smile and finally looks up at her "I think I would like that."

After Kanaya leaves, Roxy calls Jake to pick her up earlier. When Rose comes by to get the documents, Roxy delivers them without a word. Rose, although surprised, doesn't say anything as well and turns to leave.

"Rose?"

Rose stops on her tracks and tilts her head back to look at Roxy. "Yes?"

Roxy's hands curl up into tight fists by her sides "...You've been ignoring me."

"I've been working."

"You only talked to me because you needed something."

Rose turns on her heel and walks back to her, a frown tugging at her lips. "Roxy..."

"...Are you happy?"

Rose's eyebrows raise and she thinks for a moment, before smiling. "I think so."

"You promise? You'd tell me if you weren't, right?"

"I promise, if I ever don't feel up to optimal happiness, I'll give you a call."

Roxy pouts and crosses her arms over her chest. Rose rests her hand on her upper arm.

"Roxy. I'm not kidding."

"...Okay."

"Besides, who else would I talk to if I was upset, but you." Rose looks away, still smiling. Roxy sighs and reaches one hand up to rub her eyes.

When she pulls her hand away, she notices Rose looking thoughtful. The woman leans towards her for a moment before turning away again. Roxy blinks, confused.

"I should go." Rose starts walking for the door "You know it's a long drive to the house still."

"But..." Roxy takes a few steps after her "You could stay for dinner."

"Really, Roxy, I need to work." She turns back only to smile at her, before leaving.  
Roxy is left staring at the front door.


	23. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I didn't think you'd make it."
> 
> Rose shrugs, a smirk on her lips. There's that goddamn smirk. Roxy's heart is a puddle at her feet.
> 
> "Well, I have to be there, don't I? It's very important to someone who's, in turn, very important to me. I heard you two had a conversation of sorts."
> 
> Roxy's mouth is dry and she's struggling to breathe. "Yeah. She didn't think you'd make it either."

"I can't believe you're still mad at me."

Roxy throws a pillow in Dirk's general direction. "Well, I am."

"It got Rose talking to you, didn't it?"

"Do you think that's how I wanted to talk to Rose? Being her errand girl?"

"Well, think about it, if I hadn't skipped out on being Errand Boy Extraordinaire, you wouldn't have met Kanaya. And you wouldn't have the extra super serious talk you did."

"There was no way you could know that would happen." Roxy props her head up on her hand, looking down at her notebook full of doodles. "Besides, I don't know what that extra super serious conversation amounted to. It's not as if I didn't know Rose was flawed."

"Yeah, but now you know how obvious it's that you two are in love."

Roxy shoots him a glare. Dirk shrugs. She rolls out of bed and pats down her clothes as she starts to pace around the room. "...What if I don't wanna go?"

"Then don't."

"Yeah, but what if this is like... My big character building moment? I mean, I've actually been seeing a therapist, and I've come this far, right? There's no better challenge than doing something I've failed at in the past."

Roxy breathes in "I'm gonna go to a party full of rich stuck up people and I won't panic, or hide away, or anything."

Dirk makes a noncommittal noise. "Well, Miss Character Development Lalonde, I suggest we get going, or we will be late."

Roxy sighs and walks out the room without waiting for Dirk. "Jade, where's my dr-" She stops at the end of the stairs, eyes widening.

Rose is wearing a short, orange dress, with matching makeup. The discrepancy is enough to make the gears in Roxy's brain grind to a halt.

It doesn't take long for the older woman to notice her. She smiles at Roxy, taking a few steps towards her. "Shouldn't you already be dressed? You're gonna be late if you take too long getting ready?"

Roxy takes a good moment to look her up and down. The dress is loose, yet tight around her waist. The sleeves are flowy and reach her elbows, while the dress itself is, to Roxy's chagrin, rather short. There are some curly lines around her waist, and some detailing in a darker orange. She's wearing blue heels, along with a headband. Roxy has to admit, while different, it's rather stunning. She wonders if that's what Rose was aiming for. Does Rose ever aim to stun? Roxy had always assumed she just did whatever Vriska said was best.

What a ridiculous thought. As if Rose would be coerced into something she didn't wanna do. No, this had to be entirely her thing.

Roxy clears her throat. "I was just coming down for my dress." She throws a panicked look towards the kitchen "Grandma?"

"It's in the bathroom!" comes the disembodied voice of Jade from the kitchen. Roxy throws a panicked smile in Rose's direction.

"I didn't think you'd make it."

Rose shrugs, a smirk on her lips. There's that goddamn smirk. Roxy's heart is a puddle at her feet.

"Well, I have to be there, don't I? It's very important to someone who's, in turn, very important to me. I heard you two had a conversation of sorts."

Roxy's mouth is dry and she's struggling to breathe. "Yeah. She didn't think you'd make it either."

Rose laughs, dry, punctuated with sarcasm. Roxy starts heading up the stairs.

"I have to get ready."

"Looking forward to seeing you."

Roxy's heart has solidified again, and now it's intent on shattering her rib cage.

Roxy stares at herself in the mirror long and hard. This time, she picked her own dress: A drab blue thing that reaches barely low enough to actually classify as a dress, with short sleeves, along with some dark boots. Roxy was feeling pretty good about her choice, keyword being was. Her makeup is all over the place, and her hair has somehow managed to hang into loose curls rather than an unruly mess. She doesn't look half bad. But it's not stunning.

Goddamn, does she miss Dave’s people.

Dirk knocks on the door and she comes out, not even bothering to force a smile. He whistles. He's wearing another gaudy vest with a shirt and pants, no tie this time. Roxy doesn't spend enough time looking to really have a good mental picture of it. When they come downstairs, they see Jake in another plain emerald suit and a black shirt, along with Jade, in a sparkly black dress and wearing the most attention grabbing hat ever. Roxy and Dirk stop mid stairs, staring at her.

"Isn't it amazing?" Jade says, motioning towards the hat that looks like a very, very wide rimmed bowler hat. It's bright green as well.

"Amazing is one way to describe it." says Dirk. Roxy is too knocked back to say anything.

"Well, come on now, Dave is gonna be waiting for us."

Roxy surveys the room, her heart picking up pace again. "Rose?"

"She said she was gonna meet us there. Now, come on, come on, we don't have all day."  
They're herded into the jeep, then drive off to the fashion show. Roxy thinks she spots Rose as they're walking in, but it's nothing more than a flash of orange in her peripheral vision. She's nowhere to be seen when they sit down for the show, and neither is Dave. She wonders if they're backstage with Kanaya. The three of them, now all rich and famous and perpetually in the spotlight. Roxy's mind wanders to their relationship, but when tears prickle her eyes she bites her tongue and tries to focus on the show. And just as well, as the light go off in an instant.

The show is good. Kanaya is talented, or, perhaps she's just had a lot of time to practice. Roxy likes the clothes. Although, she's not all that knowledgeable about fashion, especially of the higher kind.

After the show, they're herded back into the car, Jade chattering about how far Kanaya has come. Roxy is too absent to take note of what she's talking about. Her attention is only caught again when they reach the after party.

It's the same hotel Dave's after party was at. Maybe she won't end up dancing in a goddamn pool and falling in love this time. She's the last to leave the car. Jade looks down at her with what can only be pity. "Are you sure you wanna come? I can drive you home, if you'd like."

Roxy shakes her head. In the name of character development, she's going forward. She leaves the car and enters the hotel. The group leads her towards the ball room. It's as packed as the last time. She eyes the buffet table, where the chef with the cheese buns is suddenly looking very anxious, then the bar.

She shakes her head and looks away.

"Oh, you made it after all!"

They're showering Kanaya in praise, but she walks away just to greet the group. Roxy forces on a smile.

"So." Kanaya is fidgeting with her purse, a blocky, minimalist white thing. Her dress is jade green and absolutely gorgeous, from her neck to her feet. Roxy doesn't know what else she expected. "What did you think?"

The showering of praise carries on, only from different people this time. Dave sneaks up on Kanaya, making her jump then toss a glare back at him. He adjusts his shades with a smirk, before it fades away. "Has any of you seen Rose?"

The group quiets down.

"She showed up at the house." Roxy says, eyes not quite meeting Dave's "She was all dressed up."

"And she said she'd meet us here." Jade finishes. She's smiling but it's obvious there's a tinge of nervousness in her eyes.

“Maybe she’s out there flirting with girls.” Roxy gives Dave a look. Dave shrugs “You know, trying to find someone with her type.”

“Her type?”

“Yeah, like, you know, tall, dark skinned, and eager to mother a 29 year old.”

There’s a long pause as Roxy stares at him. Dave’s eyebrows raise.

“Like… Kanaya?”

It takes a while for the conversation to pick back up.

Roxy tries to focus on what they're saying, she really does. The crowd is so big and there's so many noises and smells and colors and people.

Roxy doesn't even notice the group has dispersed, leaving her with only a inattentive Dirk as company. She swallows dry and looks away, trying not to show her nerves.

"Hey." Dirk looks at her with a brow quirking over his shades "I'm getting out of here. There's no internet signal and I'm waiting for a webcomic to update. You wanna come with me to the parking lot?"

Roxy hesitates for a moment.

"Psh, no. You go off and do your thing, you big nerd, I have a party to attend."

Dirk's eyes scan her face, and her cocksure expression slips into a plead. He nods and leaves.

Roxy Lalonde is all alone, and the first person she thinks of is Rose.

Well, of course it is. Who else would it be? It's always Rose.

She wishes for nothing more than for Rose to hold her when she's upset, for Rose to be there for her triumphs with a knowing smirk.

Roxy feels like her chest is hollow, like she has missed out on something that could be great. Why did she have to tell her?

Because, something even greater could have happened. It was a gamble.

But Roxy guesses the odds were never stacked in her favor in the first place.

The sounds of the crowd and the volume of the music resonates in her empty chest. Roxy has to get out of here. Head hanging low, she lets her legs take her wherever they want. A few people, surely without even seeing her, bump against her.

Before she knows it, she's arrived at the pool. The ‘no entry allowed’ cord is no longer in place, but the door is closed, the entry and closing hours clearly marked. Somehow, the door isn't locked, and she walks in.

If she wasn't paying attention, she wouldn’t even know the pool is full of water. Roxy guesses they fixed it. It seems like not everything is broken forever.

Wow, that was lame even for a teenage fanfic writer.

She walks around the pool, seeing her reflection on the water, then steps up the stairs to the diving board to plop down on the mid level. Her eyes glance over the surface of the water, the moonlight reflected on it through the glass ceiling. It's just light enough to see.

Surprisingly enough, Roxy doesn't feel as disappointed as she thought she would be. Maybe she never wanted to be in the party anyway. All those stories of rich famous people, all that mystery and allure... It's much less impressive close up.

Rose was so full of mystery and allure in magazine covers and in author interviews. A reclusive author, the ice queen.

That's ridiculous. Rose isn't ice and darkness. She's a rushing waterfall, gleaming with the morning sun. Yes, she's dark too, but it doesn't compare to the moments where she truly shines. She's light itself, making her day brighter when nothing else can.

Roxy, for all her cheeriness and pep, is just a swirling pool of darkness inside. And Rose was the only one to see it, the only one to suggest something to fix it. A light shining in the dark.

Maybe Roxy doesn't belong in fancy galas. Maybe she's not meant to be famous. Maybe she doesn't want to be.

Maybe that's the character development she had coming. It's not about forcing herself to like the things that make her uncomfortable. It's about admitting she doesn't like it as much as she told herself. Like writing. As much as Roxy likes writing, nothing has ever made her happy like getting that acceptance letter.

She's not Rose and she doesn't have to compare herself to Rose, or anyone else.  
Just when she's ready to retreat back into the world of fake glamour and shiny things, the door opens.


	24. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And I love you.”
> 
> “Rose-”
> 
> “But we're done, and you can’t redo history. All you can do is enjoy the good things that are happening."

  
Rose’s life is a fucking joke. It's like whenever she's feeling okay again, the universe decides that won't do. Here you go Rose, surprise, it's a big steaming pile of bullshit. Then again, she probably deserves most of it, so, you know.

Rose slumps back on the limousine where she has been hiding at for a good half an hour, a hand reaching up to rub at her face. She has to stop thinking like that. It doesn't do anyone any good. She promised Kanaya she'd be here, and she still has to do something about the Roxy situation that doesn't involve moping.

It's with some delay that Rose realizes she's known Roxy for well over a year. She'd never expected to come to like the girl so much, and she never expected her to reciprocate her feelings. She didn't expect to come to peace with her mother’s death either. Although she's not entirely okay, it soothed her mind. For once, Rose can say she thinks it's gonna be fine.

She's gonna show up for Kanaya’s gala and she's gonna figure out what to do about Roxy. Something that will hurt as little people as possible.

When she walks out of the car, she's numb to the commotion around her. Her senses know better than trying to pay attention to all the camera flashes and all the noise, all the gossip and naysaying. Rose Lalonde, mysterious author, Kanaya Maryam’s ex-girlfriend, showing up in a designer dress, bright fucking orange at that, look at her weight, look at the bags under her eyes, look at all those gray hairs, where's the new book, did your last reviews sting, tell us about your mental issues, tell us about your brother, tell us about your mother, crack your ribs open and expose yourself to the world.

She's done all this before. It's hardly anything that affects her now. The thought that she's adjusted is more comforting than anything else. She's adjusted to this, thus, she can adjust to anything.

Rose already knew that this was the same hotel where they had held the after party for Dave’s film. That comes to no surprise. She knows every face and every name, but nobody dares come anywhere near her presence. From the moment she steps inside, all eyes are on her. It comes in waves, muttered whispers of her name travelling to every corner of the room. Yet, still, nobody dares speak a word to her. And why would they? Her tongue is a silver rapier, and none can best her in combat. Those who try crumble into nothing, retreat with their tails between their legs.

It's a lonely existence, when everyone is too scared of you to try and reach out. Rose is thankful for people who see past her bullshit barriers of thorns and needles. Like Roxy.

But enough about that. Rose has already spent too much of her life in Byronic self-dwellings. The crowd parts for her. She's quick to locate Kanaya. The barriers come down; there's no use for something Kanaya can see through.

“Hello.”

Kanaya turns to look at her, tucking a fallen strand of hair behind her ear. It's painful, but Rose has felt worse. It's a dull pain, like a broken bone that never healed right acting up when rain is coming. Kanaya smiles, and Rose can see the same numbed out ache in her eyes.

“It's good to see you, Rose. I did not expect you to be here.”

A dry chuckle leaves Rose’s lips, not quite a real laugh. “Do I factor so low in your consideration. I said I would be here and here I am.”

“I know. I'm sorry.”

Rose shakes her head and smiles. “Don't bother being sorry on my account. I didn't think I would be here either.”

It's Kanaya’s turn to laugh. She tilts her head away and brings her hand up to cover her mouth. “Well, I'm glad you manage to exceed your expectations.”

“Your show was amazing.”

Kanaya turns back to her, the smile on her lips going soft and fond. “Thank you. I have to say, some of it is still inspired by you.”

Rose nods. “I don't think we can ever walk away from our effect in each other.”

There's a pause. It's dark and Rose doesn't like it.

“So, that girl. Roxy.” Rose tilts her head up to look at Kanaya. She hadn’t even realized she let it fall. The woman’s face is puzzled “You two are good together. Where did you meet?”

“It's a long story, and I don't know if she would appreciate me…” Rose looks up at her, confusion spreading across her face. “Wait, what do you mean, we're good together?”

“Oh, I am not implying anything, I just think… You know, the way the two of you were acting during the Christmas party. You seemed happy.”

Rose is silent as she looks straight at her. Kanaya’s brows furrow and she purses her lips.

“Don't do that.”

“Do what?”

“The face. The blank face you do when you don't understand what someone is talking about so you just hope to intimidate them into continuing to talk.”

“I do that?”

“Yes. Have you never noticed?”

“No. Oh. That explains a lot.” Rose’s eyebrows quirk up and she raises a hand to rub at her chin. Kanaya lets out a groan and tilts her head back.

“You're insufferable.”

“Hey, I just said I didn't know. don't blame me for my face.”

“Oh, should I blame your mother instead?”

Despite herself, Rose laughs. “Don't start with me.”

Kanaya has a cheeky little smile on her lips. “You seem to love her a lot. Don't do the face.”

“I'm not doing the face. But, do I?”

“Your eyes light up and you smile. Yes, I do think you love her. In what way, well, that I don't know.”

“Yeah. Me neither.”

They look at each other for a moment.

“Okay, fine, I do.” Rose sighs. “I'm 12 years older than her.”

“That would be a problem, considering there's a certain exchange of power and a stark difference in maturity.” Kanaya pauses, her lips quirking into a smirk. “Oh, hold on, I forgot we were talking about you.”

“Hilarious.”

“Rose, when we were together…” Kanaya trails off, looking away.

“No. Go on.”

“When we were together, we were happy, but you became… Reclusive. At first I thought it was just Vriska and the image she projected on you, but, regardless, I couldn't bear with it. Then, I thought that, perhaps, if I stuck with you throughout the alcohol withdrawal, then…”

“But it didn't.” Rose crosses her arms over her chest and furrows her brow. “I know, Kanaya. I keep reliving those years in my mind.”

“We were happy while we lasted.”

“And for that, I can only be thankful.” Rose smiles up at her. There's is a tinge of sadness to it. “But that's years in the past. You can’t redo history.”

Kanaya smiles back. “I'm glad you think so as well.”

“Quite honestly? It's a recent thing.” She shakes her head “For the longest time, I was sure that if we got back together, things would be okay again. It was like I forgot that things ended for a reason.”

Kanaya nods. “And now?”

Rose gives an half hearted one shoulder shrug “I have other things going on.”

“Like Roxy?”

Rose breathes.

“I love her.” Rose mutters, eyes falling to the floor “And I don't know if we're gonna be okay.”

“Does that mean you will not try at all?”

Rose looks up at her again. Kanaya frowns and refuses to meet her gaze.

“I'm not telling you what you should or shouldn't do; I'm just commenting on the situation and your general outlook on things.”

Rose looks thoughtful for a moment. She pauses and shakes her head, a small grin spreading on her lips.

“I love her.”

“So you’ve said.”

“And I love you.”

“Rose-”

“But we're done, and you can’t redo history. All you can do is enjoy the good things that are happening and Roxy is a good thing.”

“That's surprisingly optimistic of you. Does this have anything to do with that cheerful getup? Not that I don't like it, of course.”

Rose nods and steps back.

“I'm so sorry. I have to go.”

“I know. Go.”

Rose grins up at her before turning back and steps away, nearly at a sprint. She freezes on her tracks before turning on her heel and walking back to Kanaya. “Err, did you, perchance-”

“She was with Jade the last time I saw her.”

“Great, thank you.”

The ballroom is jam packed with people. Rose curses her luck as she cuts through the crowd. Even Jade, with her goofy hat and ridiculous stature is hard to find in this place.

“Lalonde-” Rose spins on her heels and grabs Karkat’s arms before he can say anything.

“Jade?”

“Jade?”

“Yes, where's Jade?”

“How should I know?”

Rose throws her hands in the air and walks away. “Can’t talk right now!”

“Wait, I think I saw her by the buffet? Was she wearing a really stupid hat?”

Rose gives him a thumbs up before walking over to the buffet. It's not hard to spot Jade when she arrives. She's apologizing to a chef, a sheepish Jake standing beside her. Rose walks over and pats Jade’s arm.

“Not now, sweetie-”

“Roxy?”

Jade looks back at her, brows raising. “She walked out of the ballroom. I was going after her, but someone kept assaulting the buffet.” She gives Jake a look. Jake avoids her eyes, looking much like a guilty dog.

Rose’s shoulders drop and she walks away, a frown soon spreading across her expression. If Roxy left the room, how is Rose gonna find her now. Where could she be?

Rose pauses, eyes widening and jaw going slack. Of course. How could she possibly forget?

My god, when did her life turn into a shitty romantic dramedy?

She walks away from the main room, through empty halls, long a long and darkened hall, one hand in front of her. This proves unnecessary as the door is semi open and easily swings back. Rose swallows dry, then takes out her cellphone, looking for a certain song, with a certain meaning to them. The song starts playing and she walks in, eyes set on Roxy and Roxy alone. The girl is sitting aside one diving board, on the mid level. Her eyes go wide when Rose walks in, the song reverberating through the empty pool room.

“I thought I would find you here.”

“Rose?” Roxy’s voice is filled with disbelief “What are you doing here?”

“I've paid my dues, I've talked to Kanaya. I don't know if you're aware, but I have a new person in my life.” She grins. Roxy flushes.

“Go away, Rose.” Her head drops, chin resting on her crossed arms. “I'm not in the mood for this right now.”

“I'm serious.” Rose sighs, a soft, fond smile on her lips “I love you, Roxy. And I don't care if we can only be together for a few months before you have to go, and I don't care if people will talk. I love you.”

Roxy doesn't look up at her.  
  
“We don't have to be a thing.” Rose mutters, before her voice raises louder. “We could be half a thing, or we could return to whatever we were when you first moved in with me, or, if you’ve given up on me, we can be nothing at all, and I won't try to change your mind or fight for you. Because I love you, and I want you to be happy. You know that, Roxy.” She starts walking closer to her, eyes never leaving her.

“Rose…”

“I'm sorry I wasn’t truthful with you and I'm sorry for all you’ve been through. But, we're gonna communicate now, and we're gonna do what's best for you, because you deserve it.” Her pace was quickening, the sound of her heels clicking against the tile filling the room. Roxy’s eyes are going wide. She seems so shocked, Rose wonders if it's that surprising that she cares about her.

“Rose, wait, STOP!”

Rose feels herself step into something wet. She has less of a second to realize what's happening before her heels slip and she falls face forward into the pool.

Roxy screams and jumps to her feet. She runs down the stairs to the diving board and walks to the edge of the pool, looking down with worry on her face. “Rose? Are you okay?”

The woman is unresponsive and Roxy fears the worst, until she starts thrashing around. Roxy gasps when she remembers Rose can’t swim. She dives into the water and grabs her by the waist to drag her back to the edge. The music playing from Rose’s cellphone slowly drowns out. She pulls Rose up to the edge and sets her arms on it, resting.

Rose sits up, eyes wide and wheezing. After a pause, she starts coughing, bent over herself. Roxy props her head up on her hand, staring up at her with furrowed brows. “You're gonna need a new phone.”

Rose wipes spit and pool water off her chin. She looks back at Roxy, still finding it hard to breathe. “I guess the pool is finally fixed.”

Roxy lifts herself up and presses her lips to Rose’s, before falling back into the pool with a splash. “This dress is silk, you asshole.”

“I'll buy you a new one.” Rose sighs and smiles down at her. “Is that a yes?”

“To what? I don't think you ever actually asked me anything.”

Rose laughs, then clears her throat.

“Roxy?”

“Yes?”

“Will go out with me?”

“Yeah, fine, whatever I guess.”

“Wow.”

Roxy laughs and pulls herself out of the water, sitting down next to Rose. “That was a sweet move.”

“Thank you, I tried my best.” She leans over to kiss her cheek “At least now we have an excuse to ditch this party.”

Roxy gets up and offers Rose her hand. Rose takes it, giving it a squeeze. Roxy tugs her towards the exit. “Come on. I can’t let you go in case you fall into the pool again.”

They sneak into the ballroom and out without anyone noticing them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare for the final lap


	25. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Alright, alright.” Rose pats her back, then presses her face against her shoulder. “Thank you.”
> 
> Roxy pulls back, slightly confused. “For what?”
> 
> Rose shrugs. “For being you. For making me a better person.”

  
The halls are already pretty deserted by the time Roxy has finished gathering up her stuff. She takes one final look at the building before she leaves for the summer. The past year, rather, two semesters, were some of the best months of her life. For once, she was having fun with learning, and hanging out with everyone, and even writing when she has the time. Although, she certainly doesn't mind lazing around for the summer.

It's unbelievable that just two years ago she was struggling to feed herself. Now she was enrolled in one of the best colleges in the country, getting high marks everywhere. In six months she was gonna be a full fledged young adult, but she felt like she'd hit that stage way before. Mostly. She was still a kid at heart.

With a grin, she walks out into the street. Dirk left before her, but he said he was gonna pick her up. So, it's a bit surprising when she sees Rose instead. The woman is leaning against her new Corvette, bought after Roxy finally convinced her to leave the SUV in the woods. She's wearing the Wayfarers Dave got her for her birthday. So she finally looks like part of the family, he said. Roxy’s smile only grows and she picks up speed, until she's sprinting towards the older woman. Rose’s jaw drops, her eyebrows lifting and she puts her hands up, but it's too late. Roxy grabs her by the middle and picks her up, doing a full spin before she puts her down again.

“No, no, why.” Rose moans, trying to regain her footing. “I'm getting too old for this.”

“Yeah, well, maybe you shouldn't date younger girls, then.” Roxy sticks her tongue out then leans in to smooch her. Rose gets on her toes to close the distance between them. She pulls back with a big smile.

“I have a surprise for you. Think of it as a reward for such good grades.”

“Oh, you're monitoring my grades now?”

“Only because I care.” Rose reaches into the open window of the car and pulls out a kitten. Roxy freezes in place.

“...Ohmygod.” She reaches to pet the tiny feline, fingers barely brushing his head. He meows, but it sounds more like a squeak. “You mean it?”

“Would I show you a kitten only to take it away? That would be a terrible joke. Yes, I mean it.” Rose shrugs “I was running out of excuses as to why we couldn't have a cat.”

Roxy tries to hold in a squeal, but she utterly fails. “Can I hold him?”

“Of course you can.” Rose hands him over “It's yours. Now get inside, we're gonna be late.”

“Huh uh.” Roxy is barely paying attention to Rose, instead focused on the little cat in her arms. Rose chuckles and opens the door for her.

They're already driving when the penny drops. “Late for what?” Roxy asks, blinking over at Rose. The cat is back in his carrier, despite squeaked out protests from both of them. “Did we have plans?”

Rose shrugs. “Of sorts.”

Roxy’s eyes narrow and she elbows her. “What? What is it?”

“You'll see.”

Roxy huffs but doesn't press the issue. Rose can be incredibly tight lipped when she wants to.

Their apartment in Boston is on the sixth floor. It's much smaller than the mansion, but they don't need that much space anyway. After all, it's just the two of them plus Dirk. To everyone’s surprise, Rose had been the one to propose the move. With both Roxy and Dirk in Massachusetts, she didn't see why she should stay in the old, dusty mansion. Roxy isn't sure if that's a sign of progress, or if Rose just didn't wanna sleep alone.

She's so lost in thought she doesn't even notice Rose parked the car until she walks out. When they walk down the hall to the apartment, everything is eerily quiet. Dirk isn't playing any music, and there's no other sounds coming from the apartment. Roxy throws Rose a look and the woman shrugs. “Can you unlock the door, my hands are full of cat carrier.”

Roxy moves towards the door with suspicion, then takes out her keys. When she steps into the living room, absolutely nothing happens. She throws Rose another look. This time she grins.

“Goddammit.” Roxy mutters under her breath, then opens the door to the kitchen.

“Surprise!” She's instantly bombarded with confetti. First, she throws Rose, the smiling devil, a glare, then she looks back into the room, a smile slowly growing across her lips.

The living/dining room table was pushed up against the kitchen one to form one long dining table. Dirk is sitting on one end, a small smirk on his lips. Sitting at his right hand side is Dave, obviously jetlagged. His glasses are pushed up to his forehead and he's smiling, even if it's tired. With the release of SBaHJ 2, Roxy is surprised he even has time to be here at all. With the bags under his eyes and the grey hairs he hasn’t colored out yet, he really looks like Rose’s twin.

Sitting next to Dave is Terezi, a grin full of teeth gracing her features. Vriska sits next to her, busy shoving chips into her mouth. A disgruntled Kanaya is next to Vriska, although she forces a smile on when she sees Roxy. Her hand is on Karkat’s forearm, and, for once, he looks pretty relaxed. Roxy looks back at Rose again. The woman is oddly smiley.

On the other side of the table, Jake is sitting next to Dirk. He's all grins and thumbs up at Roxy. Jane sits next to him, just as happy. Jade and Jane’s poppop are next in line, soft smiles on their faces.

“What, you got me a party too?” Roxy finally manages to say something. Rose shrugs.

“It's only partly yours. After all, Dirk has also finished his first two semesters. And, you know, things. it's a party for everyone.”

Roxy eyes narrow again and Rose shrugs. She reaches over to pull the chair at the other end of the table, and Roxy sits down. Rose sits beside her, a fond smile on her lips and her head propped up on her hand.

There's food already on the table, all your usual party stuff, but there's a pot of something on the stove, probably made by Jade. Dave gets up before anyone can start eating. He raises his glass full of apple juice.

“I would like to say a few words before we dig in.” Dirk hides his face in his hands. “First off, I'm so, so, so proud of this dweeb, and that other dweeb, for being massive nerds and getting straight A’s. Look at them. Not wasting our money. Hopefully, neither of them will drop out, unlike someone.” He throws a pointed glance at Rose’s direction, who simply shrugs.

“I'm still richer than you.”

There's a few chuckles. Dave grins.

“Of course, that's not gonna be for long. As you know, I just shat another movie out, and, surprise, it's a hit!” Everyone clapped, except for Rose and Dirk, who obstinately crossed their arms in front of their chests. “Honestly, it's been a year and a half and I still can’t believe everyone ate up this shit, but damn, does it feel good. Can I get a toast, yo, on behalf of Dirk, Roxy, me, and every poor soul who actually think this shitty ass movie actually makes sense.”

The room erupts with noise. Everyone toasts. Jake looks confused. Dave sits down and rubs his hands together.

“Now, time to say grace.” he cleared his throat “Good food, good people, good shit, let's eat. Jade, if you'll do the honors?”

Dinner is chilli con carne on rice. there's laughter and jokes and everyone's having a good time. By the time the afternoon stretches out into the evening, a sort of quiet, soft ambiance has taken over. People are talking quietly between themselves. Roxy is leaning her head on Rose’s shoulder when the older woman shifts in place. “Excuse me, honey.”

There were some cheerful hoots.

Roxy leans back and looks at her, confused. Rose gets up and clears her throat. “I know it's a bit late and everyone’s ready to go home, but I've something to say as well, and I thought it was best to leave it for now. I don't wanna overshadow the other’s accomplishments.”

All eyes are set on Rose now, except for Karkat and Vriska who are grinning at each other. Oh no. Roxy clasps one hand over her mouth.

“I would like to announce that, today, at 10 am, we” she looks back at Karkat, a grin flashing on her lips “received the news that my next book is gonna hit the shelves next week.”

For a moment there's silence, then, the room explodes once more, as if the last three hours hadn't happened. Roxy gets up and throws her arms over the woman, who can’t help but laugh.

“Alright, alright.” Rose pats her back, then presses her face against her shoulder. “Thank you.”

Roxy pulls back, slightly confused. “For what?”

Rose shrugs. “For being you. For making me a better person.” She looks away and shakes her head. “it's silly. let's just, have dessert and not think about my moral failings anymore.”

It's already past midnight when the last person leaves. Dave is crashing on the couch, and Dirk holed himself up in his room. Roxy is laying in bed in her pajamas, waiting for Rose to get out of the bathroom. The kitten, now dubbed Zazzerpan, despite Rose’s protests, lies curled up next to her. Rose comes out with a towel draped over her head and wearing squiddle print pajamas. She falls down on the bed, face down, and groans.

“I'm exhausted. Do you have any idea how hard it was to keep that a secret from everyone?”

Roxy smiles and reaches over to stroke her back. “I'm proud of you.” She hesitates “So, is this the one about the runaway kid.”

Rose looks back at her, surprised. “What? No. I trashed that.”

“You did?” Roxy frowns softly “But you spent so long on it…”

“It's just time and words and…” Rose waves her off, letting her head fall again. “The fact of the matter is that it reminded me of how much I hurt you. No.” She turns back to her, smirking.

“What?” Roxy asks, her brows furrowing “What, what did you do, Rose?”

“Guess.”

“I don't know. Is it a romance?”

“What? No.”

“Is it a massive love letter to me in novel form?”

Rose’s smirk only grew. Roxy pauses, before inhaling sharply.

“It isn't… it isn't the next volume, is it, you were… You were totally blocked, and…”

Rose sits up and shrugs, hands raising in the air. “I unblocked. Well, you unblocked me, I suppose. I don't think it would have been possible without serious necessary lifestyle changes.”

Roxy squeaks and carefully picks the cat up, despite a muffled protest from the tiny thing. She puts him down on the floor, then turns back and tackle hugs Rose, who lets out a squawk as she pinned down to the bed by Roxy’s weight.

“Why didn't you tell me?!”

“It was supposed to be a surprise!”

Roxy lifts her torso and lets go of Rose. She sets one hand on either side of her shoulders. Rose looks up at her with a cheeky little smile. Roxy sighs before leaning in and kissing her. Rose kisses back, one hand reaching to stroke her cheek. Roxy lets herself fall aside, and curls up by Rose’s side. Rose slips one arm under her neck and pulls her closer.

“Is everything alright?” There's just a hint of worry in Rose’s voice. She presses in to kiss Roxy’s forehead.

“Yeah.” she nuzzles her cheek with her nose “I'm just glad I'm here with you. I love you.”

Rose pauses, before pressing her forehead to hers. “I love you too.”

They fall asleep curled up together.

Roxy is given the first copy of the book. By the end of the week, it's annotated from one end to the other.


	26. Extras, tidbits and curios

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into my twisted mind  
> etc

**Cut material**

There isn’t much I actually cut from this, but there’s a lot that never made it to first draft. For starters, there was gonna be a lot more Rose centric subplots, especially with her brothers, but that would involve too much viewpoint switching, which I loathe to do. I only have two chapters (I think) where the viewpoint shifts to Rose’s.

In addition, Rose and Roxy were originally gonna get together much sooner, and there was gonna be more focus on the start of their relationship. This is where Kanaya and Vriska were supposed to show up. Instead, I choose to cut it off when their relationship has just started, then timeskip to the epilogue. Why? Because I thought it was boring, and there wasn’t much actual material in there.

Due to both of these things, this was supposed to be a three part fic, instead of a slightly uneven two part. The first part is still the same first part it was supposed to be, while the third part would start right after Rose and Roxy’s relationship does. Obviously, the pool scene wouldn’t happen in the second part, because Kanaya wouldn’t show up until the third. The get together scene I originally planned wasn’t nearly as dramatic (nor fun).

To match with the three parts, Roxy was gonna be romantically interested in three people, Dirk, Jane and Rose. Each of these relationships were supposed to represent something about Roxy. Jane was her longing for normalcy, Rose was her aspirations, and Dirk was, well, something a lot vaguer. I could never pin it down properly, so the Dirk subplot is the least apparent one in the final product. Jane’s is still largely mostly there. They even break up and get back together (as friends)

John was also supposed to be a bigger part in this, rather than a one off joke. Why didn't that happen? ...I didn't know what the hell to do with him. He was gonna be part of the Dave subplot with Rose that never really materialized.

Besides that, I also wanted to have cameos by more trolls, but I struggled with finding ways to put them in. I had ideas for some, such as Eridan as a rival author, and Equius as a bodyguard, but, again, those were all very Rose centric. In the end, I really prefered to make it about Roxy.

Curiously enough, the one half chapter I cut due to not having a third part anymore, was all focused on Roxy, and dead best friend calliope. I actually started writing that, only to drop it as I realized it wasn’t very interesting. Since Roxy is the POV character, we already know a lot about her (abusive parents, small town life, dead best friend) so we wouldn’t be learning anything new. Rose, on the other hand, is confined to what she tells Roxy, so I really wanted to show more of her past. There was gonna be another christmas half chapter focused on Rose and Dave as kid, but, again, boring and didn't bring anything interesting to the table. I condensed the best parts of it into the dead mom chapter.

 

**Backstories**

When I started planning the larger scope of this fic, I wrote up some basic backstories for all the characters that played a part in it, just to know where they stood. Most of this didn't make it into the story, but that’s why there’s an extras section.

 

_Jade and Jake_

The thing about Jade is that she's hilariously mysterious, serving as Rose’s weird mentor (in comparison to Rose as Roxy’s weird mentor) with the difference that she's much older. Obviously, Rose had a thing for her, because, come on. Mentors, man. She doesn’t have a proper backstory because things are supposed to be confusing and off the wall with her. So, yes, she's a scientist, and I didn't really have anything particular in mind. You might think that Jake is just another stray puppy she picked up on her travels, but he's actually biologically related to her. So, yes, Jade had a husband and a kid and the whole shebang. Obviously, that didn't turn out well, considering Jake is all that she has left. Her husband died very young, and her daughter + son in law were killed in an ADVENTURE. I think that’s why she's so motherly and adopt-y. Much like Rose and Roxy’s little mental illness problems, Jade copes with her guilt over her child’s death by making sure she protects others, including taking in a young, self destructive alcoholic and preventing her from destroying her life.

I hope you didn't read this chapter expecting more funny jokes.

 

_Dave_

Dave’s trans. That was supposed to be more obvious, but, again, cut subplots. He’s obviously had a life just as shitty as Rose’s, he's just not in the limelight. So, he ends up being kind of a Rose-guilt vehicle. I feel kinda bad about it, but I didn't wanna muck up my plot trying to put it things that might derail it.

Also, it kind of made Rose really unlikable. Whoops. I might write something more about the two of them if I ever feel like picking up this ‘verse again.

 

_Kanaya_

Poor Kanaya. She always ends up being the head conductor of the Lalonde pain train whenever I try to write her into something. I tried to make her come across as likable as possible, but, you know, she's still the iceberg in the waters of this ship.

Kanaya came from a higher middle class family. She's supposed to be middle eastern. She was already doing very well for herself as a designer, but meeting Rose and Jade got her to be noticed. It was only a matter of years before she got to the top on her own, anyway.

 

_Terezi_

I don't think it's mentioned what the hell Terezi actually does. She's Rose’s, and later Dave’s lawyer. Obviously. She hasn’t actually done much besides negotiating contracts and such, but she's always expecting things to go awry. You can picture her salivating when she finds out Roxy is underage.

Much like Kanaya, higher middle class. Of Greek descent, because that’s how my main man Zack rp’ed her when we were in a group together. His Terezi is my Terezi. Shout out to him for talking to me about this whole bullshit, by the way. (And also urbanMystic for editing, although I couldn’t find a clever segue into thanking them)

 

_Karkat_

Karkat is Rose’s long suffering editor, much like Zack is my long suffering editor. Ah, you didn't think that paragraph lead into anything, did you?

He was the only person who accepted to read over Rose’s second draft. He was already working as an editor, mostly doing shitty romance novels. Harlequin romance style. He was so low profile that the people who edit the backs of cereal boxes are more famed than he is. He was just trying to do what he loved, rather than being famous and rich or anything, so he's not exactly thrilled to be the famous Rose Lalonde’s editor. Still, he wouldn’t leave her for the world because friendship, goddammit. He’s moved up the publisher’s food chain, but after Rose’s last two flops, he's been kind of in the dog house. Rose hardly listens to him, but what else would you expect?

 

**PAQ (Probably/Possibly asked questions. Gimme a break, I did this for Nanowrimo)**

 

_Where the hell do you even get these fic ideas?_

Usually, I'll be doing something and then I start writing something because idea. This one came from the fact I'm poor and have a lot of feelings for Rose Lalonde.

Ahem.

There’s a lot of me in this fic, especially when it comes to all the bullshit about the creative process and relationships with people and YADDA YADDA next question.

 

_Favorite character to write?_

Besides the obvious, Vriska and Terezi. Probably some of the funniest things I've written in a long time.

 

_Saddest chapter to write?_

15.5. It was a very different kinda sad. Because, with everything else, I knew it was gonna be okay in the end, but Rose is never getting her mother back. She's gotten closure with it, but it's not gonna stop hurting. It’s just gonna hurt less. I'll admit that I was in tears when I wrote the ending scene. In addition, the situation itself is slightly based off my grandmother who had an aneurysm and flopped over dead when my mom was young.

 

_Worst chapter to write?_

Double feature for 18 and 19. Those were the last chapters I wrote (actually, at the time of writing, I've yet to actually write them because I'm procrastinating as all shit.)

There’s not much going on actually, I'm just leading towards the final confrontation which was fucking adorable, jesus, I'm so good at romance for someone who’s technically-mostly aromantic.

I'll write back here when I actually write those chapters (in like… a few hours or so)

(Future Ezzy says 18 and 19 weren’t nearly as bad to write when I finally figured out what I wanted to do with them. 19 is a favorite of mine for all the character action going on)

 

_Wait, what happened to X?_

Shit, SHIT, FUCK.

For the record, I don't think anyone is immune to plot holes. I've probably had quite a few things flying over my head especially since this is THE LONGEST THING I'VE EVER WRITTEN.

If you do find a plot hole, feel free to point it out to me because I’ll probably have a giggle.

 

_Why is this like 80k instead of 50k if it was written for Nanowrimo. (Note: I'm aware the final product is just over 60k. There was a lot cut out during editing)_

Because I started writing it in early october.

 

_Filler Filler Filler._

Not a question, but, uh, okay.

 

_You must have a lot of free time on your hands._

Fun fact: after a two year break due to monetary issues, I'm back in school, studying comics and illustration. Last year I did nanowrimo with all the time in the world. This year it fucking hurt, you have no idea.

Also, my life is a fucking joke and 50% of the Nanowrimo portion was written in the last five days because there was something that really fucked me up midway through the month. I'm honestly fucking surprised I made it at all.

 

_Wait, are you trying to tell me you wrote 25k in five days?_

If we’re gonna get specific, I wrote 24524 words between the 28 and the 30th. So, three days actually.

 

_You’re gonna hell because X_

Yes, I'm aware. Next question.

 

_Are you gonna do anything else in this ‘verse?_

Honestly? No fucking idea. I've always liked to expand on things, but those expansions have a tendency to wither and die (See: everything on my AO3) so, y’know. Idk.

Plus, I'm not sure what i would even wanna write. The early days of the Rose Dave Kanaya Vriska Terezi Karkat funtimes could be fun, but we all know how that turned out. It might be too much of a drag to write happy kids getting progressively less happy.

I've also toyed with the idea to have a bonus chapter about the Strilonde’s dad but that would involve writiiiiiing, and if I don't write again for the rest of the year it would be too soon.

(Future Ezzy says I still really want to do that first one)

 

_Holy shit, you haven’t updated AO3 in forever, what happened to you?_

I started to hate writing. It happens. Tough shit. But now I'm writing again, so yay. Go look at my lalondecest art on tumblr.

 

_Biggest problem actually writing this?_

I ran out of plot. In the search for a good, tight story, I cut out a lot of the things that could have extended this, and it wasn’t as if I could just go back and put chapters between chapters, because that would ruin the lovely even numbers I got here.

(Future Ezzy says, yeah, I actually fucked up in the lovely, even numbers I got there. But whatever, 21 isn’t a terrible number)

 

_So, what was the song they danced to?_

Fooled around and fell in love. Yes, I was listening to it on repeat a lot.


	27. Bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "How are you feeling?"
> 
> "Like shit."
> 
> "In particular, Rose. I need some idea on what to do when I'm rifling through the meds cabinet."
> 
> Rose pulls her face off the pillow, all scrunched up in distaste "My throat hurts."

"Rose, I'm home." Roxy drops her keys in the entry table. She walks into the living room, only to find a bundled misery of a woman, curled up on the couch with a blanket and a box of tissues. "Oh no."

"Oh yes." Rose raises her empty glass in the air, face pressing against a throw pillow. "I've fallen into the clutches of what's known only as the common cold. Water, please."

Roxy sighs and takes the glass into the kitchen. "You could have told me you were sick before I left and I would've stayed home with you."

"Nooo." Rose whines, muffled by the pillow. She mumbles something Roxy can't understand. Roxy returns with the glass and sets it on the end table.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"In particular, Rose. I need some idea on what to do when I'm rifling through the meds cabinet."

Rose pulls her face off the pillow, all scrunched up in distaste "My throat hurts."

"I could've guessed that. You sound like you eat the souls of the innocent for breakfast. Then chase it with a pack of cigarettes."

"Very funny." Rose curls up in the couch with a sigh "I'm supposed to be writing."

"Writing can wait. How about I make you some lemon peel tea with honey."

Rose blinks up at her, confused. Roxy shrugs "It works. Promise. Although, straight up lemon juice-"

"I'll take the tea, thank you."

"Anything else? When was the last time you ate?"

Rose makes a pained noise. "My throat hurts."

"So, last night." Roxy sighs and walks back into the kitchen, eyeing it for a moment. She's glad that they went grocery shopping. Actual grocery shopping, and not running out in the middle of the night for Pop Tarts and chips. Roxy starts peeling lemons for the tea. After a moment, Rose, looking much like a kitty blanket wrapped Dementor, walks into the kitchen. She squints at the bright light.

"Go back to the couch, I'm not done yet."

Rose makes a whiny noise of sorts, then collapses against Roxy's back. Her face presses between her shoulder blades. Roxy sighs.

"Come on, doesn't it make you feel worse to be up?"

"Dizzy."

"One more reason for you to go back to the couch."

"No."

"Fine, you stubborn prick."

"How was your day?"

"You're not gonna earn brownie points for being sweet when you're sick."

"I'm serious." Rose makes a distraught noise "I've been alone all day and my head was swimming too much to type. Regardless of what you believe about me, I do enjoy human contact."

"You lived in the woods alone for like six months."

"...Fine. Can't someone miss her girlfriend without everyone making a big deal out of it?"

A smile tugs at Roxy's lips and she turns around, reaching to grab Rose's shoulders and push her towards the kitchen table. She sits her down. "You're very sweet, but you're still sick and you need your rest. Plus, I can't take care of you if you're clinging to me like that." She leans in to kiss her forehead.

"Oh my god." Roxy's eyes go wide with shock and she presses her hand against Rose's forehead. "Rose, you're burning up!"

"Thanks, you too." Rose pauses "Wait, that's not right, is it?"

Roxy strokes her cheeks gently, worry washing over her expression. "You feel real bad. Maybe it would be better to go to the hospital."

"For a cold?"

"It could be serious."

"It's not serious, I have the immune system of..." Rose shakes her head "Something that's known to be frail and weak. I don't have a very good immune system. Say, what's the opposite of a horse?"

Roxy clucks her tongue and returns to the tea, turning the water boiler on. Are you supposed to starve a fever and feed a cold or feed a fever and starve a cold? Do cold induced fevers get starved or fed? What's the statute on the nourishment of high fevers?

Roxy fills Rose's favorite mug full of lemon peels and boiling water, adds a good squirt of lemon juice, then drizzles on plenty of honey. She serves her the tea, only to find Rose with her face firmly planted against the table. Fearing the worst, Roxy pulls her head up. Rose squints at her.

"What?"

"Why are you headbutting the table? What has furniture ever done to you?"

"It's bright."

Roxy sighs and walks over to pull down the blinds. "Drink your tea."

Rose sips at it only to make a face, lips pursing. "It's acid."

"That's why it's good for your throat."

"Where did you learn that? Are you a doctor? I wanna see your degree."

"It's common knowledge, Rose, how do you not know that? Like, I refuse to believe you never took care of Dirk when he was a baby."

Rose makes a quiet whining noise and sips at her tea. "I was far more clueless than you are."  
Roxy sits in front of her, watching her in case she decides to pass out on her tea and almost drown again. Rose seems to be genuinely unwell, in more ways than just a fever. Roxy sighs and reaches over to brush Rose's bangs off her face, earning herself a loving look.

"How about you go settle back into the couch and we can watch TV or something?"

Rose nods and gets up, shortly followed by Roxy, who walks closely beside her lest something terrible happens and the woman falls. Well, she did say she was dizzy, didn't she? Roxy can't take no chances.

The mothering part of her brain seems to be in full force today.

Roxy sits her down on the couch and takes the place beside her, one hand rubbing Rose's back. "Okay, so, fever, headaches, light sensitivity, dizziness, sore throat... Am I missing anything?"

"No. I don't think so. Who knows."

"Cough?"

"Possibly."

Roxy sighs again. Rose looks at her with a pout.

"What?"

"If you sit this close to me you're gonna get sick as well."

"Eh, don't worry about it. My mom let me eat dirt as a kid. I have the immune system of the opposite of the opposite of a horse."

"So a horse."

"Yes. Hence why it was funny."

"Ha."

"Say that again."

"Ha."

"See, that's an actual, totally full laugh."

"Ha!"

"No, that's a little too much, you might wanna slow down there, you're sick after all."

"You're hilarious."

"I know."

Rose sighs and relaxes against the couch with her tea. Roxy strokes her knee. "Anything else? Do you want me to get your laptop?"

"No. This is fine. Thank you."

Rose sniffles and Roxy hands over a kleenex. Rose gives her a look.

"What. You were practically begging me to take care of you."

Rose does a noncommittal shrug, then hands the tea over to Roxy to blow her nose. And blow she does, goddamn. Roxy is surprised she didn't bust out an ear drum.

"You're gonna have to eat something sooner or later."

Rose makes a whiney noise and scoots down the couch.

"You need your strength. What do you wanna eat, if we don't have it in the house, I can get Dirk to buy some."

"Spaghettios."

"Right." Roxy sighs "I'm an excellent cook, but you want spaghettios."

"Don't derail my goddamn nostalgia train, woman."

Roxy throws her hands up and smiles. "Fine. I'll call Dirk."

She takes out her cellphone. Rose scoots closer and rests her head on her shoulder.

"What happened to not getting me sick."

"I thought you said you were a horse."

Roxy chuckles, then tilts her head into the phone as Dirk picks up. "Hey, can you stop by the grocery store on the way home? Yeah, just pick up some lemons and spaghettios. Yes. Spaghettios. I don't know. All of them. No, not literally all of them, don't. Yeah, see you soon."  
Roxy hangs up and relaxes on the couch with Rose, one hand slipping behind her neck. She turns on the TV. It's playing some documentary on cephalopods and Rose makes a pleased noise. They sit in silence for a while.

"When is Dirk gonna get home?"

"I thought you said you weren't hungry?"

"...Well, I'm hungry now."

Roxy gets up despite Rose's best clinging efforts. "I'm gonna make you some plain toast."

"What, why?"

"Because butter might upset your stomach if you're sick and haven't eaten. It's good prep for the huge bowls of fake pasta you're gonna be devouring in short notice. Remember you haven't eaten in a while."

Rose huffs and curls up with a pillow, looking at Roxy as if she just abandoned her to die. Roxy rolls her eyes and walks into the kitchen once more. She makes a short stack of plain toast, and brings it over to Rose, who has somehow fallen asleep in the mean time. Roxy shakes her shoulder as gently as she can. "Sweetheart? Come on, you have to eat."

Rose makes a pitiful noise, eyes opening a sliver. "Toast?"

"Toast."

Rose tries to pull herself up only to fall back on the couch. "Bleh."

Roxy sits down beside her and props her up, arms wrapping around her shoulders. She reaches for a piece of toast and hands it over to Rose, who stares at her for a moment before forcing herself to take a bite. "It tastes like cardboard."

"That's because you're sick."

"It's because it's plain bread."

"Shush. Eat up, you need to regain your strength."

"How am I even supposed to eat this, it's drying out my mouth."

"Do you want more tea?"

"No."

"How about some orange juice?"

"...Acceptable."

Roxy shakes her head and gets up, careful not to knock Rose out of position. She heads into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of orange juice out the fridge. Feeling how cold it's, she hums and places a mug full of juice into the microwave for ten seconds.

When she returns, Rose is eyeing her suspiciously. Roxy puts on hand on her hip and pushes the juice towards her. "What. What is it this time?"

"You were heating up something."

"Yeah, the juice was freezing so I just put it on the microwave for a bit."

"Ew..."

"It's not even warm, it's barely colder than room temperature, come on."

"Promise?"

"I promise, you big baby."

Rose makes a little noise of offense, but takes the juice, giving it a sip. Thankfully, she doesn't make any more complaints, and Roxy sits beside her. Maybe she'll finally get some rest as well. After a day of lab studies, she doesn't know if taking care of Rose is what she wants to be doing right now.

Dirk arrives a quarter hour later, hands full of grocery bags with cans bulging out and chest heaving. "The elevator is out."

Roxy looks back at him, surprised, while Rose is too focused on an octopus escaping from its tank. "It is? It wasn't when I got here."

"Yeah, well, it is now. I'm exhausted, I had to walk up all those flights of stairs with this!" He pulls the grocery bags up.

"Maybe you'll finally get back into shape." Rose giggles to herself. Dirk's face contorts in offense and Roxy sighs.

"What was that?"

"Ignore her, Dirk, she's feverish and delirious."

"Oh. She's sick?"

"Yeah, you can assume that if she has a fever, she's sick." Roxy gets up and takes the bags away from him. "Rose, I'm gonna make you lunch, alright?" Rose makes a soft noise of agreement, eyes slightly vacant but still focused on the show. Roxy turns back to Dirk with a pointed look "You. Sit down and rest as well, you look like you're gonna faint."

"Are you gonna make me lunch too?"

"Sure. Hope you like spaghettios."

Roxy isn't sure if she's ever been back and forth between the kitchen and the living room so many times before. She pours two cans of pasta gloop into two big bowls and heats them together, thanking the enormous size of their microwave. When she returns to the living room, Dirk is cuddled up with a ducky blanket and a pout on his lips.

Roxy sighs, eyes closing. "You can't be serious."

"What, I don't deserve to be taken care of?"

"You're not sick."

"Yeah, well, it isn't fair."

"Awwww!" Rose has slumped over into a half lying position, all rolled up like an author burrito. "That's so cute, you haven't done this since you were six."

"Yeah, too bad he's 20 and about as cute as..." Roxy flicks her elbow towards the TV, where an anglerfish is angling "That."

"Wow. I'm offended, Roxy."

"You offended Dirk."

"Just eat your fucking lunch." She plops one bowl down in front of Rose and shoves the other into Dirk's chest "I need to go work on an essay. It's due tomorrow. Do either of you need anything else?"

Both shake their heads, although, Rose just sort of wiggles. Roxy mutters a word of thank you to whatever deity is listening in and escapes into the room she shares with Rose to work.

She dumps her things all over the desk and just as her fingers hit the keyboard, she hears a   
wail from the living room.

"I need a new box of tissues."

"Dirk." Roxy calls out, trying to continue her work still "Get her a new box of tissues."

"But I'm comfortable!"

The urge to slam her laptop shut and throw it out the window is too big to ignore. Roxy pushes herself away from the desk before a tragedy occurs. She grabs every single box of tissues in the house and dumps them in front of Rose.

"Now. I'll ask again. Does anyone need anything before I start to work on the essay that I desperately need to get done?"

Dirk and Rose eye each other, then shake their heads. "I'll uh..." Dirk speaks up "Get up if Rose needs anything."

"Good. Excellent." Roxy sighs and turns back to the room "Fucking excellent."

She sits down again, and, thankfully, manages to make it through 5000 words before guilt starts nagging at her brain. She returns to the living room, hovering at the door for a moment.

"Hey, I'm making chicken noodle soup for dinner. Any objections?"

"None by me." Dirk says, then tilts his head towards Rose "But I don't think she's in any condition to object."

Roxy walks over to see Rose outright passed out, drooling all over their nice white couch. With a smile, Roxy pulls the fallen blanket closer to her, tucking her in. She leans in to kiss her forehead. Dirk makes a gagging noise.

Roxy returns to the kitchen one more time, putting a big pot of water on the burner. By the time the sun sets, she has one hell of a soup made. There's a presence that enters the kitchen and rests against her back as she's fixing the seasoning.

"How are you feeling?"

"Less like death. And you?"

"I'm not the one who's sick."

"Regardless, you were running around ragged trying to take care of me. And, you never did tell me how your day went."

"Go sit down, it's time for dinner."

Rose pouts but drags herself back to the kitchen table, plopping down on the seat and watching Roxy with attentive eyes that followed her every move. After a while, Dirk shows up as well, sitting next to Rose. Roxy sets bowls in front of both of them with a grin. "What, I don't have to round the whole house up for a meal today?"

"I heard the chicken call to me." Dirk says.

"What was it saying?" Rose muttered, eyes narrowing in his direction.

Dirk makes chicken noises, eliciting a weary chuckle out of Rose. Roxy rolls her eyes and gets a bowl for herself. She fills all three bowls up and digs in, Rose and Dirk following just as fast.

Eventually, they end up on the couch together, full, warm and happy. Rose dozes off against Roxy's side as Dirk leans against the arm of the couch on the other side.

"You know, I feel like I'm coming down with something." Dirk mutters, before fake coughing.

Roxy doesn't even bother expending the effort to look at him.

"If you're sick, you know the number of the hospital. We'll pick you up when you feel better."

"Oh, just because I'm not your girlfriend, I don't get special treatment?"

"Yup."

He snorts in laughter and gets up. "I'm gonna sleep."

"Sleep well."

"You too, if you do."

Roxy looks down at Rose, absolutely passed out, and brushes the hair away from her face.

By the time the sun is rising, they've slipped into a laying position, Rose enjoying the use of Roxy's chest as a pillow. She stirs in the early morning rays as she usually does, looks up at Roxy, still dead asleep, then snuggles up close, a pleased noise escaping her throat. It's enough to make Roxy slip into wakefulness. After a few minutes of processing, she tilts her head down to look at Rose, worry tainting her expression.

"Morning."

"Good morning." Rose rests her cheek against her chest and looks back at her, a decidedly uncheerful look on her face.

"How are you feeling?"

"Besides the fact it's the crack of dawn and I was not made to wake up in the mornings... Much better. Thank you."

"I'm glad." Roxy leans her head down to kiss Rose's head, a sigh escaping through her nose. Rose closes her eyes and lies her head back down.

"Thank you for taking care of me. You didn't have to."

"Of course I had to, you were sick. What if you, I dunno, died or something."

"Then thank you for your continuous interest in the prolongation of life before my inevitable demise."

"How about you get off me and I get you some coffee, you need it."

Rose shakes her head and pulls herself up, shambling towards the kitchen. "I'm fine. And you have school in a few hours. Relax."

Roxy sits up straighter, resting her back to the couch arm. Rose returns after a few minutes with two mugs of coffee, soon to join their brethren on the coffee table. Roxy picks her mug up, a dainty thing full of pink and cat motifs, and sips at it, eyes closing. Rose watches her with interest, her own mug forgotten. Roxy looks up at her through thick lashes, pausing her movements.

"...What?"

"I only wish I wasn't sick so I could kiss you."

"That's cute." Roxy snorts in laughter "But then how will you get me to heat you up some canned pasta?"

"Let's be honest here, you'd do that for me even if I wasn't sick." Rose smiles "Though, I have to admit it was nice to have you take care of me like that."

"What happened to Rose Lalonde, independent to the point of ridicule?"

"I haven't been anywhere near independent since I met you. You have a way with me."

"I certainly do."

Rose snorts in laughter and looks away. Roxy pushes away from the couch to lean her head against hers. Rose turns to kiss her head. "You were still very sweet. Well, you're always very sweet, but, you know."

"Honestly, halfway through the day I was about to fucking lose it and just walk out and leave you and Dirk alone."

"I wouldn't blame you."

"...But, yeah, it was kinda nice to be needed."

"Mhm?"

"Well, you know, you're all haughty and reclusive sometimes. I dunno."

"I understand."

They relax together on the couch until Dirk inevitably ruins it, with a zombie like need for coffee, accompanied by zombie like moans. It was nice while it lasted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's all folks. as usual, my tumblr is ezzyalpha  
> i have a few more things in the works but it's best to not expect much of me


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